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“I meant…” She let her words trail off because he was right. He had charged into her shop like someone who cared and that had scared the shit out of her. But as soon as she finally let him in, he would do something to hurt her just like all the others had.
During last week’s sleepless nights, she had wondered how Isaac had felt when she disappeared. Each time he had texted and she ignored his message, she felt ashamed for dismissing him, but she couldn’t make herself reply either. Texting back would have sent mixed signals. He for sure would have then thought she cared about him. So she worked to shove all those pesky relationship feelings down deep where she couldn’t acknowledge them. But no matter how deep she pushed them they kept popping back up.
Isaac took another step forward and Kate backed up. Neither of them said a word as he continued to come toward her. She continued to retreat until her back was against the locker and she had nowhere else to go. Sure, she could flash to the other side of her shop, but then he would think his nearness was getting to her.
It wasn’t. She would stand her ground.
Isaac put his hands on the locker on either side of her and leaned his head near hers. They weren’t touching, but he was so close. She could feel his warm breath against her cheek. “I know why you left last week and why you’re retreating now,” he whispered.
If she looked up, her lips would be close enough to touch his. Something she’d been craving since she’d left him standing in his shower. Instead, she kept her gaze on his shirt and tried not to look at the owl’s wing peeking out the top of his shirt like a sexy invitation. “Why?”
“You’re a coward, Kate.”
“What?” She shoved at his chest with both hands. Without using magic, she wouldn’t have had a chance of budging him, not if he hadn’t wanted her to, so she was thankful when he moved back. Thankful for the space but hurt he could call her a coward. For her entire adult life, she’d been brave and had stood up for herself because she’d been the lone female in a man’s world.
Many a time she’d been naïve and even fearful, but not once had she been a coward. Self-preservation was not cowardice—protecting her heart from being broken took bravery.
“Yes, a coward.” Isaac’s deep, raspy voice always got to her, and when she looked up at him, ready to fight again, the look in his eyes knocked the air from her lungs. “You’re running because you’re scared to feel. I came because I was worried about you. I care for you, Kate, and I know you care for me too. I won’t let you push me away, and I will do everything in my power never to hurt you.”
She had the sudden urge to melt into him. To bask in everything he was offering. To forget that he had the ability to hurt her and rip her world into shreds. If only it was that easy—just forget what could happen and let him care for her. Maybe even love her. But then what? What would happen when he wanted more from her? When he wanted to use her for his own gain?
Straightening her shoulders, she looked him in the eyes. “You’re wrong. I’m not a coward, I just know what I want. I told you from the beginning that I only want sex from you. Are you going to give me only sex? Because if you’re not, you don’t have anything else to give me.” Her gaze didn’t waver from his, but she hoped deep in her soul that she was telling the truth.
In the next instant, she found herself tugged snugly against Isaac’s hard body. She was stiff at first, but then the scent of him—strong and masculine—seeped into her and she was powerless to resist him.
Melting against him, she felt her heart rate finally slowing down.
For the first time since the attack, she closed her eyes and the events of the attack played like a movie in her mind.
She flung her eyes back open, and yet she could still see the hard gleam in the stranger’s eyes as he directed his minions to hurt her. Not just some guy—Isabella's brother. That knowledge almost made it worse—such a despicable person related to someone who had become her friend in the short time they’d known each other.
A shudder rippled through her from head to toe, and then she felt a soothing heat from Isaac’s hands as they roamed her back.
Needing to get herself back on solid ground, she pushed against his chest.
“Oh no, you don't,” Isaac said, pulling her back into his arms. “I told you, I’ll never intentionally hurt you. I’ve got you.”
Kate stayed stiff in his arms, even though she wanted nothing more than to let herself go slack. Allow him to take all her weight. The weight of not just her body but of everything she felt as well. The pressure to be strong and keep her distance from caring. The anxiety from the attack.
“Shhh,” Isaac whispered against her hair. “You don't have to be strong all the time, Kate.”
His words were like a splash of cold water on her face.
Pushing against his chest, she took a step back. “I am strong. And you have to make up your mind. Am I strong or am I a coward? You can’t have it both ways, Isaac.”
Isaac barked a harsh sound she wasn’t sure she had ever heard from him before. “That’s where you’re wrong, Kate. You can be strong and still lean on the people who care about you when you need to. But what you’re doing right now isn’t strong. You’re running away from your feelings, and that’s what cowards do. And that’s what I’m trying to tell you. You’re strong inside, but you fight your feelings by running. Instead of running, lean on me.” By the time Isaac finished talking, his breathing sounded harsh in the quiet room.
Kate didn’t think hers was any quieter. She could feel her heart pounding like it wanted to beat out of her chest. Her experiences had taught her that Isaac was wrong. “Self-preservation is not running. I’m protecting myself and that is strong and brave.” She would add that to her other motto of “sex or nothing.”
“I don’t need to lean on you, and I don’t need you to care about me or come running to save me.” She steeled herself for his response when she made her next statement. “All I’m willing to offer you is sex. Take it or leave it.”
* * *
Isaac faced Kate, her shoulders tensed and rigid as if she was steeling herself to accept his rejection.
No matter what she said, he knew she was running scared and during sex was the only time she would let herself feel when she was around him. Self-preservation or not, she was still running and that was cowardly. But he understood. He’d done his own fair share of running over the years. Even moving to Blue Mountain so he no longer had to deal with his past had been because he was running.
When he had flashed into her workshop and saw her lying on the ground, it was like he was reliving his worst nightmare. A feeling of being cold had instantly swamped him, threatening to send him down a dark mental path. Only by forcing himself to focus on his surroundings did he manage to stay in the moment and not let his mind take him back to another tragic time.
