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“I see. He’s the reason you stayed away from home during Christmas.”
I don’t know how to explain to her that I needed space from everything and everyone at home without making it sound like I needed space from her.
She means everything to me. Family is at the center of my life.
It’s my duty to come running whenever they call for help with the family restaurant, to take care of my younger sister, and to show up for family events. I’m always there.
The only problem is that when a dozen aunties, and twice as many cousins, live within an hour of each other, your weekends fill pretty quickly.
We’re always celebrating something. It’s always someone’s baptism, or it’s my aunt’s birthday, or someone’s promotion, or a young cousin’s receiving student of the month. As the oldest, I have to set an example. I have to sacrifice as much as our parents did to come to America from the Philippines. I have to put the family first. I’ve always been proud of it.
But, when I realized my sister has more plans for her future than I do, I knew something had to change. I’m an adult with one hobby, am afraid of my shadow, and just barely started living on my own.
I’m ready to reclaim my life and my choices. Ready to try at least. But how do I say all of that without making her think I abandoned her?
Lie. Lie. Lie.
“He’s not the reason I didn’t come home. As the newbie at work, I drew the short stick and had to work. That’s all. My coworker felt sorry for me and dragged me to her family party at night, and that’s when I hit it off with Adriel.”
“He already sounds better than your overbearing ex. I don’t know how you lasted for a year with that guy. Tell me more about Adriel.”
She’s right about my ex. During that entire year, I think I was more swept up in dating someone, than dating him. Loneliness blinded me from our obvious incompatibility. Only after I met Adriel, did I realize that dating should be much easier.
Everything I shared with Adriel boils down to one night of passion at a party. It felt sudden and amazing, and I want so much more, but in hindsight, it feels more like a fever dream. How could it possibly be as good as I remember?
“His name’s Adriel Santiago. His family runs the oldest ranch in the area, and we have a lot in common. Big families, hardworking, and book lovers. He’s the oldest too, so he has a lot of responsibility on their ranch.”
Shooting up, she exclaims, “Your boyfriend is a cowboy?”
I never thought of him as that. He’s a rancher, a farmer, a businessman, but I guess he is a cowboy, too. He’s got the boots and wide leather Stetson hat to lasso the title. But a title I’m hesitant to claim is boyfriend.
Even though that immediately unlocked a bunch of fantasies, I don’t want to share any of them with my little sister, so I just say, “We really hit it off that night.”
She sighs dreamily and says, “He sounds great. How are you supposed to see him if you’re coming back here all the time?”
“Sister’s first. I’ll just commute back here while mom and dad sell the family property in the Philippines for a few weeks. Don’t worry about me.”
“That’s such a burden, ate Jules.” She still adds the ate respectful title for older sister to my name. “You don’t want to drive here after work. It’s too much.”
I agree. It is too much. It’s adding hours of commuting every week back into my life, when I finally shortened my daily drive to minutes, but I’d never admit to it to my baby sister. I want to give her the stability I never got in high school. “It’s fine. It’ll be fun. We’ll have sleepovers and have the entire house to ourselves.”
“I could just stay with you,” Justine says quietly. “I haven’t seen your place since you moved in. We could go to the beach on the weekends. I’ll cook you food every night. It’d be so much fun.”
That would make it so much easier. I’m just as far from her school as this house is. But I don’t want to go against what our parents told us to do. “I think we should stick to the plan. This is best for you.” I nod my head to convince myself and her. Tightening her lips in a bud, I can tell she wants to say something, but she holds back.
“Will you get to see him when you go back to work tomorrow?”
I honestly don’t know. We haven’t talked since I left. “Maybe.”
I share the excitement of the night, but keep the real magic to myself. I’m not ready to talk about it yet. It feels like if I put words to that unbelievable time over the holidays, that I might wake up from the dream of him. That I might lose my grip on the instant connection I would swear we both felt, and see signs of a one-night stand, instead.
Chapter Two
Adriel
Another morning, another moment to desperately check my text messages.
“Tonight was fun. I have to go home unexpectedly, but I’ll talk to you when I get back.” That was my last text from Jules.
