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“I had to get back to work. Congrats on the good resolution.”
“Your letter helped.”
“Not sure about that. You had a lot of support. Much more than you realize.”
He leaned in, while she gripped the counter to stay upright. It was so good to see him again, sweetly painful, but good all the same.
“Could we talk?”
She looked at his teammates, who had hung back. Now Vadim Petrov stepped forward. “Hello again, Ashley. We’d appreciate if you heard O’Malley out so we can get back on the bus to the airport. There is a time element, and we need to be in Dallas ahead of the game tomorrow.”
“Okay, let’s talk in the back.” She turned to Toby. “Could you?—?”
“Oh yeah, I’ve got this.” Her volunteer had planted himself at the counter, his gaze glued to the eye candy in the reception.
Heart thumping, she walked toward the kennels area. When she turned, Dex was behind her, looking so handsome in his suit she could cry.
He opened his mouth—and out came barks.
“Is that my Bandit?”
My Bandit. The boisterous pup had recognized Dex and was going a little crazy.
Dex looked baffled. “I thought he would have been adopted by now.”
“He is to be. By me.”
“Really?”
“You know me. A total pushover. I thought he’d do best with someone he’s familiar with.”
“Yeah, he would.” Dex took her by the hand and led her further into the kennels away from Bandit. He’s holding my hand. Would she ever not feel like a blushing schoolgirl around him? “And I could come visit him. If that’s okay.”
“Of course it is.”
“Or we could share custody or … Jesus, I’m really bad at this. Ashley, I fucked up. You know that. Of course you do. It’s all I ever do, and this time I let it crowd in on me. Make me push you away.”
She squeezed his hand. “You had a lot going on. I get it.”
“Of course you get it. Because you’re the most understanding, sweet, patient person I’ve ever met. But you shouldn’t have to put up with it. I can be better, I can?—”
“Dex.” She placed her hands on his broad chest. “Breathe.”
“Hard to do when you’re so close to me.”
Tell her about it. Her lungs were having a tough time, too.
“I can put up with the odd meltdown because that’s what people who love each other do. They take the bad with the good and as long as the amazing outweighs the not-so-amazing, they consider that a win.”
He searched her face. “People who love each other? Like … friends?”
“Friends, lovers, hockey fans.” Now wasn’t the time to undercut with humor but she couldn’t help herself. She’d put her heart on the line before, and it had boomeranged back with a slap in the face.
His expression was as fierce as she’d ever seen it. “Don’t joke about this, Ash. I love you and that’s no fucking joke. I love you so much that I’m going out of my mind with it. I couldn’t bear the thought of you thinking badly of me after everything I told you. About Ruby and what I did. Striking first before you could dump me seemed like the safest bet. Tara says I have great instincts for self-preservation.”
She nodded, the threat of tears burning her throat.
“I told you what happened with my mom, that it made me bad news. A threat to you and Willa. And I did believe that for a while, and when you said you couldn’t fall in love with someone who was bad news, I couldn’t bring myself to believe it. That I deserve love from a woman as amazing as you. And when you said I needed to face up to my problems, I let that confirm everything I thought about us. That’s the part I heard because when we’re in pain, we get selective hearing. All I heard was I’m not good enough or adult enough. I can’t make you happy. Because I can’t make myself happy.”
