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Wren’s shoulders dropped. “You mean Percy, right?”
Anthony bit his lip, his fingers twitching and hovering before he nodded his fist. “Yeah.”
“Is Luke being a dick to him in class?” Wren felt a surge of panic because the last thing he wanted in the world was for Percy to be more ostracized and more hurt, and he’d been the one to convince Percy that Luke wouldn’t be like that in a professional setting.
Anthony quickly shook his head. “No, no. Nothing like that. Percy just needs something different.”
Wren’s brows furrowed. “Different?”
Anthony’s shoulders sank as his chest heaved with a huge sigh. “Luke hasn’t been teaching much because of wedding planning.”
Peh-peh, Wren signed. Luke had been completely consumed by wedding planning, overwhelmed with anxiety that Ananda would leave him if it didn’t go perfectly, which was absurd, but no one could seem to convince him otherwise. Ananda was sending nightly pics to the group chat of her holding Luke, who was curled up into a ball with his face buried in her stomach.
“I’ve been teaching, which is fine. I love to help. But Percy can’t keep attending the class if I’m running it.”
Wren’s eyes narrowed. “You’re hearing.”
Anthony’s face fell. “I know that. And believe me, I wouldn’t take the job if anyone else had free time in their schedule, but this class barely pays anything, and people can’t afford to?—"
Wren blinked. “Wait, no. I’m not mad that you’re helping Luke with teaching.”
Anthony’s hands dropped for a second before he lifted them. “I don’t understand.”
“Why won’t you teach Percy? You’re both hearing, so why are you hating on him?” Wren demanded. He realized he was getting too far ahead of himself—which was becoming a slight trend when it came to the sad British man, and that was a problem.
Anthony’s eyes widened with realization. “It’s not because he’s hearing. It’s because I’m Lila’s caseworker. I don’t know that it technically violates anything, but it’s not a risk either one of us wants to take while her adoption is pending.”
Wren’s heart both sank and calmed at the same time. This wasn’t about Percy. “Sorry. I’m just…”
Anthony’s face went a little softer. “I get it.”
Wren realized what he was implying, and he quickly shook his head. “No. It’s not like that. I just feel bad for him.” His hands felt heavy with the weight of the lie, but he wasn’t ready to admit it to himself yet, let alone one of the men he’d hurt with his actions. More than anything, he wanted to just be honest with both him and everyone around him, but how could he be?
Wanting Percy the way he did felt like a betrayal of who he was.
“Wren?”
His gaze snapped up to Anthony, who was looking at him with concern. “I’m fine.”
“You’re obviously not fine. You don’t need to talk to me about it, but you should probably talk to someone.”
Wren knew that was true. He’d had a few decent conversations with Ravi lately, considering he was one of the people in their little family who understood the way Wren felt, but Ravi was so much more confident than Wren was. He was born to a generation of people who had novels upon novels of information that made the complexity of identity make sense.
All of these new terms—these new ideas—they were terrifying. Every time Wren thought he’d figured out something about himself, it would change. It made him feel lost at sea, and that was something he couldn’t live with.
“I need to go bring in the last of the cookies,” he told Anthony instead.
For his part, Anthony just nodded and let him go, and Wren appreciated the gesture, though a small part of him wished someone would take notice and run after him. What he wanted, more than anything in the world, was to be backed into a corner and forced to talk. It was ridiculous, but it would make him feel seen. Important. Loved.
But he couldn’t bring himself to ask for something like that, so he tucked it down with the rest of his complicated feelings and went back to setting up the event.
A few hours in, Wren found himself at the week’s Deaf event, sitting at a round table with his feet up on one of the metal chairs, feeling the vibrations of the music rumbling along his back. This was a college gathering, so there were no kids running around, which Wren appreciated.
He actually liked kids, but they tended to gravitate toward him, and right then, he just wanted to wallow. He was enjoying being a wallflower, watching the students dancing, the hearing ASL students a little overwhelmed with their ears plugged up and their signs stilted with nerves.
He could see Ravi talking with a stocky, attractive man with blond hair and skin so pale he was kind of rosy in his cheeks from exertion. He was either a frat boy or an athlete, and from the way he was smirking at Ravi, Wren had a feeling he was going to need to intervene that night when Ravi got in over his head.
Their eyes met across the room, and Ravi gave him a grimace as he moved away from the guy. Wren offered a thumbs-up before turning his attention to the far corner of the room, where Caleb and Bodhi were standing. They were standing with their heads tipped close together, foreheads practically touching, swaying to the heavy beat of the music.
