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Feelings?
Pining for some man who he most definitely wasn’t supposed to want?
He felt sick as he stepped back. He tried to keep his gaze averted, but Luke wasn’t having it. He took Wren by the chin and held tight until he was certain he had his full attention. “Come out with me. Ananda’s staying with her sister tonight.”
Wren swiped his hand over his nose. “Mouse.”
Luke rolled his eyes with a grin. “Ravi will go home and hang out with him. I saw him trying to ditch that guy anyway.”
He wanted to put up a fight, to say no. His first instinct was to bury things deep because expressing himself and being vulnerable had never gotten him anything other than ridicule. When he was younger and tried to tell Caleb how lost he was, he was met with bitterness and resentment. When he tried to tell his parents that he understood that they were well-meaning but they only made him feel isolated, they called him ungrateful for the gift of hearing they’d given him.
In the past, when he told friends he felt confused, they told him he’d get over it.
So why would now be different?
But as he looked into Luke’s eyes, he was able to remind himself that these weren’t the people from his past. Not even Caleb was the same person as he’d been back then. He was safe here. He was allowed to exist exactly as he was.
“Thank you.” His fingers trembled as they tipped from his chin, and Luke noticed, quickly pulling him into another hug. He must have made a noise because Wren felt the rumble against his front, and it made him smile.
How had he gotten so lucky? He might be a steaming pile of mess right then, but it was one that he wouldn’t have to clean up alone.
“You’re in love.”
Wren swallowed a mouthful of his gin and tonic, trying not to pull a face. He always ordered one and always fought off a gag because he hated the taste of gin. But it always made him feel mature and put together.
Pipe and Pine was all but dead that night, so they had the whole place to themselves. Wren had been expecting some kind of heart-to-heart talk with Luke, but instead, he was halfway to completely wasted, and the room was starting to spin.
He laughed and slapped his hand on the table while his other lifted to sign, “I’m not in love. I’m not allowed to be in love. I’m…” His fingers tripped over themselves as he tried to spell. “A R…M O N…” He licked his lips. “A R O M I…” He stared at his hand like it was betraying him.
Luke cocked his head to the side. “Aromantic?” he offered.
“That’s it!” He slapped his hand on the table two more times. “That’s me. That’s…but what does that mean?”
Luke’s nose wrinkled. “I think you know better than I do.”
Wren’s eyes felt like they were trying to cross, and he shook his head, sniffing. “I like him.”
“Percy,” Luke spelled.
Fuck, even the way his name looked in ASL was so…pretty. He fought back a laugh. “He was so good in bed.”
Luke grimaced. “No. Stop.”
Wren shrugged, laughing, but then his eyes got hot all over again, and he wrapped his arms around his middle and squeezed until all the air left his lungs. His fingers felt numb when he lifted them. “I want to go home.”
Luke’s expression was sad, which was no less than he deserved. He was fucking pathetic. He’d gone out with his friend, who wanted him to cheer up, and instead, he just made a mess of things. As usual.
Wren let out a startled noise when he was pulled off the chair, and then Luke cradled his face, and their gazes met for a long time before he let Wren go. “I love you,” Luke signed. “And it’s going to be okay.”
Wren absolutely didn’t believe him.
CHAPTER TEN
Wren was getting drunker, and he hadn’t been in a long damn time, so the feeling was somewhere between familiar and completely alien. He hadn’t really done it on purpose, but the alcohol was just there, and he was feeling low, and it had once been an old coping mechanism that he thought he’d gotten rid of.
The first taste of Ravi’s scotch burned like the Devil himself. The second sip was a little better.
By the end of the glass, he was feeling off-kilter and somehow even more upset than he had been before he thought it was a good idea to try and drown his confusion and sorrows at the bottom of a bottle.
