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Wren winced. “I know, but?—”
“What do you want from me?” Percy demanded. He loosened the pressure against Wren’s cheeks, but he didn’t try to let go. Not yet. “I know that me being here right now is breaking your rules.”
“Every time you’re around, my rules feel ancient and archaic,” Wren told him, his voice barely audible. “But I’ve hurt people before, and you’ve been through enough.”
Percy couldn’t argue that. The whole reason he’d avoided situations just like this one was to keep himself from feeling what he had with Evan. But between one breath and the next, the realization hit him: Wren wouldn’t ever hurt him that way.
He wasn’t lying. He wasn’t keeping secrets. The only time Percy’s trust in him had been tested was when other people had made up stories to cover the sting of rejection. Wren had been nothing but honest about who he was and what he could give.
And as much as Percy wanted more—because who was he fooling, he did—his need for Wren eclipsed that. He was willing to take whatever Wren could give him.
Pulling his hands back, he ignored the look of resignation on Wren’s face and cleared his throat, then brought them up in the small signing space between them. He didn’t have the language for what he wanted to say—not yet. And he wouldn’t for a while. But he could do his best.
‘I want you.’
Wren let out a sharp puff of air. ‘O-K.’
‘You want me?’
Wren laughed and nodded his fist. ‘Yes.’
‘You-me-try?’
Instead of answering him by sign, Wren took Percy’s chin between his fingers and forced their gazes to lock. “Do you know what you’re asking for?”
“This,” Percy said, gesturing between them both. “And what we had that night. I haven’t stopped thinking about it.”
Wren’s pink tongue dragged over his lower lip, and he glanced down to where Percy was half-hard, then looked back up again. “Do you touch yourself when you do?”
All the breath left Percy’s lungs, but he forced himself to nod.
Wren’s jaw ticked with tension. “I can’t be in a relationship with you. Not now, and I don’t know if I’ll ever be the sort of person you need me to be.”
Percy frowned at him. “I’m sorry?”
“No, I get it, I—” Wren started, but Percy didn’t let him finish.
He cupped his cheek tenderly, feeling a sort of braveness he wasn’t expecting. “Who told you there was a certain way you needed to be?”
Wren blinked, almost like he was in shock. His gaze darted from Percy’s lips to his eyes. “You and I both know what I’m talking about.”
Percy let out a soft sigh and dropped his hand to the crook of Wren’s neck. “Fair enough. Can you just help me understand?”
Wren bit his lip and looked away like he was trying to gather courage. “I’m—I think I’m aromantic. Do you know what that is?”
Yes, Percy was older and not the most social butterfly of any season, but he didn’t live under a rock. “I’m aware of it.” Then it hit him, and he pulled back just a little. “Before, when you said you didn’t want a relationship, I thought you were just getting over someone.”
“I was getting over trying to force myself to live like everyone else,” Wren said. His voice was heavy, and his tone was bitter. “It’s just so fucking frustrating. I feel like I’m not allowed to fit in anywhere, you know?”
Percy didn’t know. “Tell me,” he murmured.
Wren swallowed heavily. “Deaf, but not Deaf enough because I like being deaf, and I like being able to hear, so I allow myself to have both. Queer, but not queer enough because while I like having sex, I just don’t feel romantic the same way as other people. But now I’m not even aromantic properly because the moment I met you, I haven’t been able to stop thinking about being with you, and it’s so confusing because you make me want things I didn’t think I ever would.”
Percy’s heart was beating worryingly fast, and he took a calming breath and steadied himself because Wren was obviously on the verge of panic, and Percy would rather die than make that worse. “What do you need from me right now?”
“I don’t know,” Wren said. He put his face into his hands, and his body gave a single, terrible tremble. “I don’t want to think about you with other people—I know that.”
Percy held back a nervous laugh. “Alright.”
