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“At least there’s that,” Ravi said, then bit his lip. “You, uh…you got home okay?”
Percy nodded his fist yes, then asked aloud, “What about you? I was worried. I thought maybe I should leave it alone, but it seemed so…” He trailed off. He’d heard offhand that stuff like this was a problem, but he’d never seen it before. And now he had to wonder if this was just par for the course for Ravi.
“It happens a lot,” Ravi said, as though he could read the question off Percy’s face. “I’m brown, so I’m a target. I’m also Deaf and never wear my hearing aids, so when they yell at me to question me, I rarely hear them. Then they tell me it’s my fault for not accommodating them.” Ravi let out a bitter laugh. “I’ve been cuffed three times this year.”
That ugly, hot feeling in Percy’s chest only grew. “At my office, Wren was confronted by a security guard, and I just stood there like a complete twat. I didn’t think—I didn’t know—it was a problem.”
“Don’t beat yourself up,” Ravi said. “Most people don’t realize the issue. They think shit like last night only happens on TV. And if you want honesty, it’s less of a problem for someone like Wren because strangers don’t look at him and think he’s up to no good. But yeah, it happens to Deaf people more than it doesn’t.”
“I should have done better for him.”
“You did better last night,” Ravi told him. “And he knows about it.”
Percy licked his lips, then lifted his hands. ‘Last night, did Wren…’ He didn’t know how to ask if he’d shown up, but using his sign name was enough for Ravi to understand.
Ravi glanced over his shoulder, then jerked his chin toward a tall table by the coffee shop, and Percy followed him over, taking a seat. He was exhausted, so his legs thanked Ravi for the reprieve. “Wren showed up about three minutes after you left. If it helps, he was looking for you.”
“I don’t know,” Percy said, then repeated himself in sign since it was a bit loud by the coffee bar. ‘I hurt.’
Peh-peh. ‘I understand.’ Ravi’s brows furrowed as he looked at Percy. “I won’t ask you to give him a chance. Even he knows that he’s treated you like a yo-yo for long enough that you have every right to move on and kiss other guys if you want to.”
“I didn’t?—”
“I know. I believed you last night,” Ravi said quickly. “This thing you have with him hasn’t been easy from the start, but I think it could be easy once the two of you open up.”
“We did, though,” Percy said, feeling slightly hysterical. “I mean, I thought we did. We had this big, long, important talk before we—” He cut himself off. He didn’t need to tell Ravi that much. He flushed and ran a hand down his face. “I thought things were fine, and then suddenly, they weren’t.”
Ravi nodded. “I know. He’s been a complete moron, but—and I don’t say this lightly—it’s not totally his fault. Well,” Ravi added quickly, “he is a grown-ass man, and he needs to take accountability for when he hurts people, but he didn’t have the same opportunities that I did to get to know himself. To understand all of his identities and what they mean to him. And he’s trying. I promise you, he’s trying.”
Percy stared down at his hands, which were resting on the table. He desperately wanted to have the hope Ravi was offering him, but his heart was digging its heels in. “He didn’t reply to my text last night. He hasn’t reached out at all. It’s been nothing but silence.”
“Would you see him again? Hell, would you have responded if he did text?”
Percy swallowed heavily. He hesitated, like he wanted Ravi to think he was not sure when in reality, he already knew his answer. He would, without a second of hesitation, because he was irrevocably in love. But he was tired of everyone else in his life having all the power.
“Maybe. I want to believe it would be worth it if I did, but I’m so tired.”
“I know you are. I can’t promise it won’t fall apart, but I can promise what he has to say will clear things up better than he did last time.” Ravi gave him a pleading look, and in spite of his resolve, Percy felt himself start to crack.
It was everything Percy had wanted to hear, and as much as he was doubting both himself and Wren last night, it felt different now. In this moment, he missed Wren like a limb, and he realized he wasn’t ready to give up yet.
Fool as he was.
“If he texted me now, I’d answer,” Percy said.
Ravi smiled, then hopped up from the table and walked over to the stuffed animal bin. He thrust the unicorn at Percy. “For your niece. Please. There’s bad in the world, but there’s good too. There’s a community for her and a big family. It took me a long time to find mine, and I don’t regret it for a second. And last night was terrible, but I’m not afraid.”
Those words settled in Percy. It was enough that he could breathe again and not panic that he hadn’t done what he could. Ravi smiled at him, and Percy smiled back, and then the moment was over.
He had to get back to life. Maybe Wren would see him again—and maybe he wouldn’t. The one thing he wasn’t going to let himself do was lose who he was in the limbo of waiting.
CHAPTER NINETEEN
He wasn’t a coward. Not…exactly. He was only hiding because everyone seemed to want his attention, and he just didn’t have it in him. His self-crisis had abated enough that he’d fallen into a guilt spiral because he really had shot his relationship in the head without even trying. The more he thought about it, the more he realized he wasn’t sure what he’d seen through the window that day.
Yes, it had been Percy. Yes, it had been Derek who was so hot it made Wren feel all itchy and uncomfortable. And yes, they’d been very close and definitely hugging.
But making out?
