Page 33 of Love and War


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“It hasn’t been as bad today,” I told him, rubbing at the back of my neck, “but yesterday was a nightmare.”

He hummed, and I heard the sound of paper rustling. “To be honest with you, I think your headaches will probably continue.”

“For how long?” I demanded.

He was quiet too long. “I can’t say. Maybe forever. Your optic nerves were damaged, and unfortunately that has consequences. They should lessen, but if they get to the point you can’t handle them…”

When he trailed off, I let out a small growl. “What?”

“We can consider removing your eyes and replacing them with implants so you can use prosthetics,” he said.

I recoiled almost violently, my stomach twisting. “Remove them?”

“I don’t want to sound cruel, General,” he said, his voice soft and just on the edge of patronizing, “but you suffered severe damage, and removing them isn’t going to make much of a difference. In fact, it might improve…”

“No,” I said flatly.

“Of course.” He let out a small breath, then I heard him stand and take a few steps to my left. “It’s not something I’d suggest now, or lightly. But if it comes to the point you can’t manage your pain, it’s an option.”

I let myself swallow that down, to accept that whether or not I had my own damn eyes, it wouldn’t make a difference. But it wasn’t that simple. My eyes might not have been able to see, but they contained that visible proof of who I was—of what I was. And though Alphas were more than just the glow of our irises, it was the most visible marker we had. Without shifting, it still set me aside from humans, and I wasn’t sure I’d ever be ready to lose that.

“I’ve upset you,” the doctor said quietly. He was closer now, close enough to touch, and I braced myself for it. “I didn’t mean to be insensitive.”

“This has been a lot to take in,” I confessed. “None of this was what I was expecting to hear.”

“I understand.” I heard him move, then hesitate. “I’m going to touch your face for a second so I can try to get a look in the back of your eyes. I don’t want to put you through another MRI if I don’t have to.”

I grunted my acquiescence, lifting my chin, and his fingers grazed the edge of my face, manipulating me where he wanted me. I heard a faint click after that, and I knew he was flashing an impossibly bright light into my eyes. My wolf would have been whining in pain if I’d been able to see it—the sensation overwhelming. I’d always hated eye exams for that reason.

And now I’d have given anything for that pain.

I swallowed thickly when the light clicked again, and then I heard him sit. “I can’t see any visible change from what I saw on the MRI, but this is also not my field of study. Unfortunately, we’re short of medical professionals around here.”

I let out a small snort. “So, what do you do? Feet?”

He laughed a bit, which I appreciated because the last thing I needed was some uptight asshole without a sense of humor. “I’m a geneticist.”

I immediately bristled. “Like the doctors from the labs?”

“I was recruited specifically for the work I’d been doing in Wolf biology,” he said casually, like I wasn’t ready to leap off the bed and tear his throat out. “I was a late shifter—about seventeen the first time I could voluntarily shift outside of the moon, and it always fascinated me—the way the moon could do that. Just like the way the moon can affect the tides. Of course, no one really paid attention to my shift considering my status.”

I grimaced, though I knew the truth of it. Omegas were important but too often stereotyped and over-looked.

“I learned quickly that in order to understand why something like the moon could affect our ability to reform into something else, I had to understand our biology—every single atom that makes us who we are.”

“Everything that sets us apart from humans,” I said, and he hummed in agreement.

“I was recruited after the war began. I was one of the few leading experts in Wolf physiology, and I was told that the humans had begun studying us as well—to develop effective biological weapons against us.”

I bristled. “The labs.”

“The experiments on you are something newer. But we knew it was coming to that,” he said quietly. “We attempted to find a counter to their chemical weapons, but the war had ended before we made any real progress.”

“Well, they’re working on some seriously fucked up shit,” I spat. “Whatever they did to me, it wasn’t for fun.”

“I know,” he said quietly. “Things are changing, and I have a feeling I’m going to be seeing a lot more Wolves in your condition, as well as humans like…”

The entire world froze for a second—then the universe heaved like a giant breath as I came back to myself. “Misha.”

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