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“Even after my father…”
I stopped when his eyes narrowed, when his lips pulled back and he bared a hint of fang. He leaned his head in close and found my face with the tips of his fingers. “You are not him. You didn’t want any of this.”
I let out a bitter, strained laugh. “Of course I didn’t. Danyal’s running a bunch of tests to see if I’m going to shift at the full moon because if I do…” I trailed off, not wanting to say it like it was some sort of bad omen.
I would die. I would most likely die.
Kor’s eyes closed like he was in pain, and he leaned in so far, our noses brushed together. “I don’t think you came all this way to die, Misha.”
“I don’t know that there’s anything you can do about it,” I countered.
His hand moved down and pressed flat against my cock, the fabric separating us damn-near unbearable. The whimper that wrenched out of my chest was mortifying, but my hips began to move against him, thrusting against the pressure of his palm. “Misha,” he breathed out. His hand on my face was trembling slightly, like he wanted to be rougher.
“I’m glad you came,” I admitted. I turned my face and let my lips graze the edge of his jaw. “I’m sorry I’m such a mess.”
He pulled back enough that I could see his face. “This isn’t your fault.”
“I know.” I hesitated. “Will I survive if we don’t fuck?”
“Most likely. It’ll be rough, but I’ll get you through it. It won’t hurt as much if I’m here touching you.” He moved his hand off my dick, and I groaned from the loss.
“But if we fuck, it stops?”
“If I knot you,” he clarified.
The thought was erotic and terrifying all at once, and I wasn’t sure what to do with the sensation of my ass clenching, with the feeling of it slick and hot. “It’ll be over then?”
He nodded, reaching up to cup my face with his other hand. His thumb traced my jaw, then my lips. “I knew you were something different. Your scent before…” He bit down on his lower lip. “I don’t want you to be in any more pain, Misha.”
I nodded against his hand so he could feel it. “What happens afterward? Will we stay bonded?”
Kor’s face fell a little bit. “I don’t know. I don’t know what they found in all your tests, so I don’t know what to expect.”
“Just that my father really did manage to alter my DNA, and it’s probably going to kill me. Danyal said he can’t change it back,” I said bitterly.
“And he’s absolutely sure you’ll shift?” Kor asked. One hand drifted down to my neck, his fingers pressing against my pulse point.
I turned my head and spoke with my mouth right against the pad of his thumb. “He isn’t sure about anything. My x-rays look altered, but my skeleton isn’t like a Wolf’s. He says there’s nothing to do but wait and see if…”
“If?” he pressed, a hint of desperation in his voice.
I closed my eyes and leaned into his arms. “If he needs to keep me comfortable when it happens. He said he can keep me unconscious so I won’t feel it when…” I choked on the words I couldn’t say.
I was shit scared, and it was worse now with Kor there because I could think for once, and it was all hitting me. I began to shake, my throat tight, my eyes hot. I didn’t want to fucking die—and I sure as hell didn’t want to go out like that. I didn’t want my body to break apart and sever my spine and bleed out from the inside because I was not built to take any other form than this one.
If Danyal could really pump me full of drugs and I could fade into oblivion while all of that was happening, I’d take it.
“Misha.” Kor’s voice sounded strained, different in ways I didn’t quite understand, but I gripped him harder anyway. “If we do this…” His breathing was ragged. “If we do this and we bond, then you die during the full moon…”
He didn’t finish his sentence, but I could feel the meaning behind the silence which was almost tangible. There would be consequences for him if I died. “We don’t need to bond,” I murmured, holding on to him a little tighter. “You holding me like this has made everything feel more tolerable.”
He shook his head, and the corner of his mouth lifted just a fraction, though that hint of a smile held pity more than anything. “It’s going to get worse. It’s going to hurt. More than anything ever has.”
I could still feel the burning in my stomach, the ache, the need to be filled. And it was nothing like the sorry, bigoted biology texts had taught humans in school—a sort of cautionary tale keeping us from getting involved with Wolves. But I could tell he wasn’t lying to me.
“I can handle it,” I told him after a breath.
He shifted onto his side a little more, and his hand found my face again. His palm was cool against my burning skin, his touch so soft it was almost painful. “I don’t want you to handle it. If I was okay with you suffering, I wouldn’t have come.”
