Page 12 of This is How I Lied


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EVE KNOX

Friday, December 22, 1995

12:30 a.m.

Eve quietly slid her house key into the lock and slowly opened the door. More than anything she was mad at herself. Why did she get into the car with Nick? She thought the hardest part was behind her, breaking things off, but then she went and climbed right back into the car with him.

They ended up parking below the bluffs at the bottom of a dead-end street that led to the caves. Not the caves that all the tourists went to in the summer, the ones with guides and a gift shop, but the forgotten ones just below their neighborhood. This time Nick had been gentle, the earlier anger and fervor melting into soft touches and kisses. In those minutes she loved him again. Why? How did he do this to her? Why did she keep going back for more?

The living room was dark except for the glow of her mother’s cigarette. Eve unwound her scarf from her neck, pulled off her coat and hung them both on the hook next to the door.

“Aren’t you going to say anything?” her mother asked. Her voice was thick. She’d been crying.

“I’m sorry,” Eve said softly. She was aware of Nick’s odor emanating from her skin and hoped the scent of cigarettes would keep her mother from noticing. “We lost track of time.”

“I bet you did,” her mother said, a slyness in her tone that Eve hated. Eve didn’t respond. “I almost called the police. I work sixty hours a week to make sure you have food and clothes and heat.” Her mother shifted in her seat, the burning ember from the cigarette moving jerkily through the air. “The least you can do is respect my rules. I’m tired. I shouldn’t have to wait up for you.”

Eve knew she was right. She knew how much her mother tried. She was a single mother who worked hard and was even harder on herself. Nothing was easy for Charlotte Knox. Because of this Eve did her best to make things painless for her mom. She helped out at home keeping things neat and tidy. She tried to keep her grades up which was challenging because she was no Nola. Eve stayed out of trouble and, most important, she tried to keep Nola out of trouble. Not easy because not only was Nola scary smart, she was also always getting into trouble for fighting or lying or stealing.

“I’m sorry, Mom,” Eve said again, meaning it. Eve wanted to tell her that she had broken up with Nick or at least tried to. Maybe then her mother would understand. Eve thought that maybe saying the words out loud would make them true. Final. But Eve couldn’t quite do it. Her mother would probably be angrier with her for breaking up with Nick than for being late.

“You’re grounded,” her mother said flatly. “For a week. School and home, that’s it.”

“But it’s winter break,” Eve protested. “What am I supposed to do all week?”

“Not my problem. You’re grounded,” Charlotte said, a rare finality in her voice.

“But that’s not fair,” Eve said, her voice rising. “I’m never late. It was just this one time.”

“Too bad,” her mother said, extinguishing the cigarette and flipping on a table lamp. She was curled up into a corner of the sofa still wearing her work uniform. The ashtray on the side table was overflowing. “You should have thought of that before. You need to start thinking of other people once in a while.”

Eve emitted an involuntary huff of air. What a joke, she thought. Her mother did work hard but in all other aspects Eve played the role of the adult. Eve was supposed to be the child, the moody teenager. Instead she got a mother who worked all the time tethering Eve with an evil genius little sister who creeped everyone out.

“You think it’s funny?” her mother asked, getting to her feet. “Know what? Make it two weeks. You think it’s so easy doing what I do? You can be in charge for a while. Home and school. That’s it.”

“What else is new,” Eve muttered. She shouldn’t have to worry about these kinds of things. She had her own problems.

“I give you a hard time because I don’t want you to make the same mistakes I did.” Her mother’s voice rose.

Anger sizzled in Eve’s chest. Her mother always made everything about herself. “Don’t worry, Mom,” Eve said indignantly. “I will never, ever, make the same mistakes you did. I will not get pregnant and married at sixteen. I won’t have another baby and a divorce before I turn nineteen. I won’t make one kid be the grown-up in the family and I won’t let the other one, no matter how smart she is, turn into a freak and a bitch, which in case you didn’t know, is the worst kind of combination there is. Yeah, don’t worry, Mom, it’s not going to happen.”

“I’ve given up everything for you,” her mother whispered, holding her hand tight against her chest as if she couldn’t trust it not to strike out at Eve.

“Well, you shouldn’t have,” Eve mumbled, trying to brush past her mother and up the stairs. The slap came like a slingshot. Fast and hard against her cheek. The cheap green stone in her mother’s ring nicked Eve’s skin.

“How dare you,” her mother cried. “Ungrateful brat! Make it three weeks!”

Pressing her fingers against her cheek, Eve stormed up the stairs and into her bedroom. She slammed the door, the thunderous vibration echoing through the house. Tears pricked at her eyes. Eve looked in the mirror on the back of her door. A bright red handprint covered her cheek and a small trickle of blood trailed from the cut.

Eve pulled off her sweater and threw it on the floor and began rifling through her dresser in search of her pajamas. She knew she should have stayed quiet but she couldn’t stop the words from spewing forth. Her mother had no idea what her life was like.

She was pulling out an oversize tee when she heard a noise behind her. She turned to find Nola standing in the doorway, staring at her. Eve pressed the T-shirt to her chest.

“So she smacked you, huh?” Nola said. She was dressed in a pair of shabby sweatpants and a thermal shirt. Her yellow curls were pulled up into a messy topknot.

“Yeah, well, she didn’t mean it,” Eve said turning back to the bureau and retrieving a pair of flannel pajama bottoms.

“She’s been crying all night. I wasn’t able to get any reading done,” Nola said. “All I could hear was her annoying sniffing and then she kept coming into my room to talk.”

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