Page 57 of This is How I Lied


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MAGGIE KENNEDY-O’KEEFE

Wednesday, June 17, 2020

I pause at Nola’s front door, one hand on the brass doorknob. Every fiber of my body is screaming at me to turn around and run, to get the hell out of this house and never return. Nola Knox is crazy but she’s not wrong.

That night, when I left Eve behind in the caves, I was sure she was still alive. Even when Nola and I found Eve’s body, I didn’t believe that I was the one who killed her. But I did. I murdered my best friend.

My heart is thumping and I’m crying so hard that I’m afraid it might hurt the baby. I can’t catch my breath and the room is spinning. If I’m not careful I’m going to pass out and then God knows what Nola would do to me. I take long, deep breaths, the way that Shaun and I learned in Lamaze class.

A wash of different emotions floods through me. Disgust at what I could do to another human being and that I was able to keep it a secret for so long. For years I was able to almost make myself believe that it wasn’t me who killed Eve. Most days I was able to convince myself that after our fight, Eve slipped and fell and that’s what ultimately killed her.

But in the dark, quiet minutes before I drifted off to sleep, I’ve always known the truth, known what I was: a killer. For one brief moment, I feel something new. Relief. My secret is finally not mine alone.

Finally, my heart rate steadies and I release the doorknob and turn back to the stairway. Every word that Nola said was true. She repeated, verbatim, the fight that Eve and I had the afternoon she died. Nola had to be there, at the caves. Watching. Listening.

I should just leave, ignore Nola. I put my foot on the first step. Nola was there when Eve confronted me about Cam Harper.

But no one would believe her over me. I’m a respected police officer. Another step. Nola was there when I begged Eve not to tell anyone. She was there when I told Eve that I loved Cam and I was pregnant with his child.

My medical records are private. There is no way anyone could know I was pregnant. And even if they did, there was no way for anyone to know that Cam was the father.

I take another step upward. Nola was there when I knocked Eve to the ground, the two of us in a twisted heap. She was there when Eve kicked out at me, striking me over and over again with her foot until something inside me broke free. In that moment I knew my relationship with Cam was over and a caustic rage coursed through my veins and I wanted Eve dead. My best friend. Nola was there when I hit her and pulled tight on her scarf until she stopped fighting back.

I honestly didn’t believe I had killed Eve. When I fled the cave, I swear she was still breathing. Hurt, yes, but still alive. At least I thought she was. I lurched back to the Harpers’ and found the twins right where I left them, in front of the television watching Nickelodeon. They didn’t even know I was gone. I stripped off my bloody clothes and showered. I pulled a shirt and a pair of pants from the back of Joyce Harper’s closet and threw my clothes in the washing machine. I prayed the Harpers wouldn’t come home early.

I tried to pretend everything was normal and must have done a pretty good job because Joyce gave me a five-dollar tip. When Nola’s mother asked us to go look for Eve I thought we would find her at Nick’s or maybe even at the caves. Angry and pissed off, but not dead.

Why had Nola kept the secret for all these years? Why hadn’t she gone to the police, reported what she had witnessed? How could anyone stand by and watch their sister getting murdered and do nothing? The thing is, Nola isn’t just anyone.

I reach the landing and place a protective hand across my midsection. Nola is crazy and devious and smart but I have one thing going for me that she does not. I’m a mother. I will do absolutely anything to protect the baby I’m carrying now. I will go back inside that bedroom and listen to what she has to say, get more information, but I will not let Nola get to me. I brush away the last of my tears and step back into Eve’s room. For a long time, I tried to get inside Eve’s room to search for the note from Cam but Charlotte didn’t like having Eve’s friends visit. It upset her. It took years, but I finally relaxed. If the origami note hadn’t been found by then I figured it never would. And even if it was discovered no one could connect it to me. I shouldn’t have let my guard down.

Nola is sitting on the edge of Eve’s bed waiting for me. Of course she knew I’d come back. “Smart girl,” Nola says.

“Nola, you have to believe that I didn’t mean to hurt Eve. We argued, yes, but I didn’t think I truly hurt her. I expected her to come out of the cave right behind me,” I try to explain. Nola stares at me curiously. I think she’s enjoying this. “Even when she didn’t come out,” I go on, desperate to make Nola understand, “I wasn’t worried. For a long time after we found Eve’s body, I didn’t believe that I had killed her. I thought she must have fallen, hit her head, something. Please, Nola, you have to believe me.”

“Don’t look so worried, Maggie.” Nola pats the spot next to her inviting me to sit down. I stay in the doorway. “I can help you. I want to help you.”

I stay silent, willing my hands to stop shaking. How in the world could Nola help me? Why would she want to?

“Nick Brady,” Nola says almost triumphantly. Seeing the confusion on my face she continues. “It makes the most sense. It’s always the boyfriend.” She leans in conspiratorially. “All you need to do is slip a little bit of his DNA into the evidence, reseal it, send it in and we wait for the results.”

I shake my head vigorously. “I don’t understand. Why would you want to blame Nick for something you say I did?”

“It’s got to be Nick,” Nola insists. “Otherwise, I go to the police chief and tell him everything.”

“Look, I know that Nick was a jerk,” I say, trying to reason with her. “He was awful to Eve. But if he is innocent why would you want him to go to prison for it?”

“Nick Brady is not innocent,” Nola snarls with a ferocity I wasn’t expecting. She rubs at the ropy scar on her chest and she catches me staring. “You think I was the one who went after Nick at the high school. That I was the one who pushed him into the glass case, caused this scar and the one on his arm.”

“That’s what I heard,” I say carefully, not knowing if this is the answer Nola wants to hear.

“It’s partly true,” Nola says picking up a penny-filled jar from the bedside table and tipping it back and forth so that its contents jangle. As Nola holds the jar up to the window, the copper glinting in the afternoon light, her face changes, just slightly. There’s a crack in her usually composed countenance, a vulnerability I’ve never seen before. Then it’s gone. Like the flash from a firefly. “You want to know what happened that day?”

She doesn’t wait for me to nod but plunges forward. “My mom made me go to the high school to pick up Eve’s things. I told her that Eve didn’t need that stuff anymore, that she should just let the school deal with it all. Wrong answer.” Nola gives a bitter laugh. “So I went to the school and gathered her things. My last stop was down in the girls’ locker room.”

“Yeah,” I interrupt. “And Nick and a friend of his were down there and Nick made some stupid comment about Eve. You pushed him into the glass case.” I wipe mucous from my nose with my sleeve. I need to get some semblance of control back or Nola will own me. “I’m not saying that Nick didn’t deserve to get his ass kicked, but he didn’t hurt Eve. At least not that day.”

“But he hurt me.” Nola’s eyes flash angrily. “He made that sick comment about Eve and oral sex and then he and his friend followed me into the locker room and grabbed me. Nick pulled his pants down and tried to make me...” Nola trails off and shakes her head. “But I fought back. I managed to get out of the locker room and they chased me and we fell into the glass case.”

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