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I was only sad for my kids. I hated that they didn’t get to see their father even though neither of them wanted to anymore. I knew it would have been different if I had forgiven Scott. He would still be on a couch while I worked. They would likely see him every day, but I couldn’t imagine them happy because they would have seen me struggling to be happy with someone I could never trust again. Scott still lived with his parents. He wasn’t in college anymore, and he didn’t work. That put things into perspective for me. My kids would never get to see me treated the way I should be treated if I’d stayed with Scott. They’d never know what it was like to count on someone and for them to be there, no matter what.
Elijah was a father to all my kids. They didn’t call him Dad. Well, Eli wanted too sometimes, and I wasn’t sure if I should correct him or not since he had known no one else besides Elijah. I could see the twinkle in Elijah’s eyes when he called him Dad, and it cracked my chest open with so many emotions. I stopped being confused after that.
He loved them unconditionally, and when I corrected Eli once, I saw how disappointed Elijah had gotten. No one was more disappointed than me. Now that Eli was close to turning five, I sat down and talked to him about Scott and Elijah. I told him it was okay if he wanted to call Elijah Dad. I cried because Eli had cried since he was so happy. He thought all the times I acted funny when he called Elijah Dad that I was disappointed in him. He was afraid I was mad at him, and that made me feel like the worst mother in the world.
I realized Elijah deserved this, and Eli deserved a father in his life that would always be there. Eli spent the entire day calling him Dad just to be saying it after our conversation. That night, my big, mean husband cried against my chest he was so happy.
Sometimes, I thought Elijah forgot Scott was a part of Eli and Lucy until the rare moments he called. I wasn’t even sure why Scott even bothered when it was mostly him arguing with me. Scott had the nerve to flirt with me knowing I was married, and Elijah would neuter him if he so much as blinked my way.
That was something I loved about Elijah. His love for me never withered or slowed. He was constant and true even after nearly five years.
Lucy was slowly becoming the female version of him. She was into drawing, already daydreaming about tattooing people for a living. Since she was only eight, I wasn’t sure if she’d still feel that way ten years down the road, but I couldn’t wait to see.
Eli was more conservative and shyer than Lucy ever was. I could already tell that he would be my little gentleman. He was so sweet and caring. Elijah even had him opening doors for everyone at stores.
I didn’t even want to think of the attention those two got when they were out together. And now there was another one… I glanced down at Jackson passed out in my arms. Maybe I shouldn’t let the three of them go out anywhere without me. The idea was tempting, but my husband kind of loved me a whole lot which made it impossible for anyone to tempt him.
Besides, I trusted him with my kids. Of course, I trusted him every day with my heart.
These days my dad didn’t complain about the type of man I was with or married to. He’d never spoken a single bad thing about Elijah. The only things he liked to complain about was the half-sleeve tattoo on my left arm and the many more he knew I’d get.
It might be true when they say, “choose your lover wisely since you’ll become a reflection of each other.” In a lot of ways, I was different. My love with Elijah made me a stronger woman who occasionally cussed in which he’d laugh until tears were in his eyes. I told him my tattoo ideas, and he’d draw me something. His warped fascination with creepy things was slowly seeping into me. The painting he had given me forever ago hung in our room as proof of that. We’d had some hot sex after he admitted that the picture was drawn as a memory of me because he couldn’t stop thinking about my leaking tits as he put it. I looked forward to the moments we sat down and watched a movie together as a family, and what came after everyone fell asleep each night—our moments.
Jackson woke right before the three of them came back.
“Let’s go stick his feet in the ocean, then we’ll go grab some food. Eli’s hungry,” Elijah said. Jackson was already reaching up for his dad as he leaned down and took him from me. He offered me a hand and helped me up. He kept hold of me as we walked down to the water. Lucy held Eli’s hand as we stood by and laughed as Jackson tensed up the second his feet hit the waves.
And my family, so close together, was having a blast. Elijah’s broad back bent over as he dabbed Jackson’s feet, and the way Lucy and Eli were laughing at him…
Oh, fudge.
I fell in love with Elijah all over again.
THE END
