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Chapter Ten
Hadley
“God bless America, he stinks!” Lucy pinched her nose and scowled at her brother like he was an abomination. Eli’s response was to kick up his feet, blowing tiny spit bubbles.
I grinned as I picked him up from the bassinet in the living room. “Your poop doesn’t smell like roses,” I informed her.
“I poop in the potty though. I’m better than Bubby, ain’t I, Mommy?”
Oh, dear God.
This was the way it’d been since I brought Eli home. Lucy didn’t like sharing my attention. “Do you want to help me change him?” I asked her. She scrunched up her nose and jumped away from the sofa as I sat down with Eli. “I did this with you too. When Eli gets old enough, he’ll use the potty too.”
She shrugged. “Will you play ponies with me?”
“Yeah, go get them.” She ran to her bedroom. The apartment only had two bedrooms, so Eli’s crib was in my bedroom. Not that I was comfortable enough to put him in a different room, anyway. Lucy might sleep in her room one or two nights out of the week. And often she found her way in bed with me.
I threw Eli’s diaper away and washed my hands, and then, he got fussy. It was like clockwork. Eli always wanted a boob every three hours. I also used a pump. Five weeks in, and my nipples were constantly hard and tender. Hopefully, in another week or so, they would be tougher because the cream I rubbed on them didn’t help much. I couldn’t remember how long it had taken with Lucy, but I swore it didn’t seem this long. I tried to feed Eli just as much with a bottle as I did a breast since Mom would keep him the nights I worked like she did Lucy.
Scott was annoying me to death since Eli was born. I let him sleep on the chair the last night at the hospital only because he put the idea in Lucy’s head. He’d used the opportunity to play nice, constantly asking if I needed this or that. I didn’t fall prey even if it had felt a little decent. Hey, I was only human, and I still wanted affection sometimes. No, I wouldn’t take him back. I simply realized that I hadn’t died on the inside.
His family drove me crazy too. All I heard from them at the hospital was, You guys are a family, you need to be together. They never missed a chance to say, Scott never sees Lucy. It’ll be the same with Eli. It didn’t matter that it was Scott’s fault, not mine. Of course, they didn’t hesitate with, Everyone makes mistakes. You need to let it go.
Family this. Family that. They thought I should forgive him and move on, but I couldn’t do it. My family was one-hundred-percent on my side when it came to Scott. They didn’t want me with him. It might be harsh, but they wouldn’t care if he weren’t in my kids’ lives. Olivia’s friend had gotten pregnant in high school, and I could remember how her parents had encouraged her to give her baby’s father another chance after whatever it was he did. Years later and more kids, he broke her all over again. Not everyone was lucky enough to have parents like mine that were so willing to help or even want to, but I could say with complete certainty that mine was looking out for my happiness.
They thought I could do better. I spent years with Scott thinking they were wrong until he proved how right they were. Did I really want to be with someone that I’d never be able to trust again just to please his family?
No!
Thank fudge I didn’t have to see them a lot. They were quick to criticize, but none of them ever came around even when Scott and I were together. I just had to accept that they would always drag my name through the sewer.
“God bless America.” I raised my head in time to see Lucy smacking her palm to her forehead. “Why is Bubby always so hungry?”
I glanced down at where Eli nestled against my right boob sucking. “I thought we were playing ponies?” I asked her.
She tossed her hands up dramatically. “He’s making me remember my tummy growled earlier.”
I couldn’t help but laugh. “What do you want to eat?”
“Can it be something other than pizza?” Lucy knew that were only two things in our house—pizza and cheap snacks. It wouldn’t be for much longer. Soon, I’d buy enough to cram our refrigerator full of all of her favorites. “Want to go to Mamaw’s?”
“Yes!”
“Here. Call and tell her to make us some food, and we’ll come to see her.” I grabbed my cell phone off of the coffee table, dialed her number, and handed it to Lucy.
My kid had my parents wrapped around her finger better than I ever could. Thirty minutes later we were heading out the door—it took that long to get Lucy and Eli ready, not to mention myself. I settled for a pair of jeans I hadn’t worn since before I’d gotten pregnant and a T-shirt that fit too snugly over my engorged breasts. God Bless America—these babies were huge even with a nursing bra on. I wasn’t really going to miss them when they went back to normal… If they went back to normal. Could my breasts stay perky much longer? They were doing okay, but I wasn’t feeling confident. My breasts were enormous this time around.
Stop.
It didn’t matter what became of my once perfect breasts. I had Eli and Lucy—they were worth it. Even if my boobs never appealed to a guy again.
Carrying Eli in his car seat, I made sure Lucy walked in front of me instead of beside me so that neither of us tripped down the stairs. “Looking good, mama,” one of the young boys yelled as we descended the last step. He couldn’t have been more than fourteen yet that didn’t stop him from hooting and hollering at me every time they saw me. He ogled my chest. “Wow, really nice.”
“Shouldn’t you be in school?” I asked. It was a weekday in April. It wasn’t even noon, but there he was with two other school-age boys.
“I go when I wanna go,” he said it like he was so proud.
“Look, Mom.” Lucy pointed toward our neighbor’s yard. Sure enough, there he was stepping out of his house and locking it. “It’s…uh…”
