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Chapter Twenty-Four
Hadley
Eli’s cries woke me up later that night. With the DVD player stuck on the movie menu, the room was bright. Warmth radiated from someone who wasn’t supposed to be there. I pushed off Elijah’s arm. I grabbed Eli quickly not wanting him to wake Elijah. My nose was still numb too since my face had been smashed against Elijah’s arm. I absentmindedly rubbed it as Eli’s lip smacking filled the silent room. The only other sound to be heard was the air conditioner kicking on in the apartment. Barely awake, I bent over searching for the diaper and wipes I kept around the couch. When I found them, I changed Eli’s diaper. He was still fussy but not too loudly since he knew what came next. I placed his wet diaper on the floor, telling myself I’d put it in the trash later. Pulling down my spaghetti strap shirt, I unhooked my nursing bra and fed Eli. Without thinking, I leaned on Elijah’s arm. I was strangely comfortable and when I was comfortable; it made me extra sleepy.
The realization jolted me upright. Falling asleep with Elijah beside me should have been strange. But after the day before with Scott, being around Elijah was a breath of fresh air.
I noticed Elijah’s neck. His head was bent forward. He couldn’t be comfortable sleeping upright. Since Eli was still in his arms when I awakened I guessed Elijah was too terrified to move. I should wake him up so that he could go home, but I moved my head to his shoulder. Just a little longer…
“Happy Birthday.” Elijah’s rumbly, husky voice scared the life out of me. “He’s going to town.”
I rose quickly from his shoulder, meeting his dark eyes. “You scared me,” I whispered. “I thought you were asleep. I was about to wake you so you could go home,” I fibbed quickly.
Crossing his arms over his chest, he sighed. “How often do you get up with him at night?”
I shrugged, self-conscious suddenly that I flopped an entire boob out for him to see. I wasn’t shy about breastfeeding, but Elijah had hawk eyes, and my skin heated knowing that he was staring at us. “Hardly at all. Once every now and then. I’ve been lucky. He slept through the night a lot quicker than Lucy. I think she was a year old before I got a peaceful night.”
He made a ‘hmm’ sound. “I can imagine working and going to school didn’t help.”
Another shrug. “No, it didn’t, but it was worth it.”
“About their father,” he began.
I exhaled. “Hold on. If we’re going to have this conversation, let me carry them to bed.”
He got up, wincing as he cupped his neck. “I’ll carry Lucy. Her room’s the one on the right?”
I nodded. As soon as Eli fell back to sleep, I quickly covered myself while Elijah walked away and burped Eli before carrying him to his crib in my room. When I returned Elijah was back on the couch with his legs sprawled. My heart kicked up a notch, fueled by the thrum of heat low in my stomach.
Between work and motherhood, it had been so long that my body experienced desire that I didn’t recognize it at first. Even when I was with Scott, I didn’t get that level of craving for intimacy. Sex usually happened because he wanted it, and he didn’t care that I was exhausted and needed a lot more effort to make me feel good with him. I felt that down to my soul and thought that was what made it impossible to want sex with Scott.
But with Elijah, I felt a hunger for it. It made me extremely nervous and aware around him. Elijah was my friend. What was worse was that he behaved in ways that I’d want in a lover—a partner. He was everything Scott had never been. I was afraid. I realized sadly, Scott didn’t even do my body right when having sex. Funny how I didn’t notice all the flaws of our relationship when blinded by love and loyalty.
So, how could I even allow myself to trust Elijah after all that Scott put me through? Then again, how could I not want to call him mine?
When Scott followed us to the apartment yesterday and not only hurt mine but Lucy’s feelings, the only comfort I felt was in asking Elijah to come over. My choice was the correct one. Lucy’s misplaced fear and worries were forgotten after an afternoon with him.
Dropping onto the couch beside him, I tucked my legs underneath my butt and faced him. “Go on. If you’re going to make me admit to how foolish I’ve been, let’s get on with it.”
He laid his head against the couch watching me with a stare I couldn’t decipher. “You’re too sweet for your own good. How the fuck you got with that shithead I saw yesterday, I’ll never know. Your kids are the cutest because you’re their mother. Definitely didn’t get anything from him.”
“First off, if I ever hear you talking like that in front of Lucy, I’ll smack you. No matter what she might hear from his family, I’ll never stoop to their level.” Then, I smiled. “But since she’s asleep, I can agree. I loved him and as pathetic as it makes me sound, I would have taken care of him if he had never cheated. But now when I look back, I wonder how I thought I could be happy when I was always so disappointed in Scott.”
“I’m guessing he didn’t work?” There was anger in his tone. I nodded. “Still doesn’t?”
“No, but he’s in school.”
“So, the fuck what? He had a responsibility when you became pregnant. Who lets a pregnant woman work and go to school?” He was getting a little loud. I tapped Elijah’s shoulder, and he took a deep breath, closing his eyes and calming himself before he spoke again. “It amazes me that you thought this was okay. There’s no way I would have let you go through that. He should have made the sleep sacrifices you made. He should have been the one to juggle work and school and parenthood while you went to school and came home to Lucy. You should have stayed at home and spent all the hours you wanted with Lucy.”
At that point, tears rolled down my cheeks. Elijah’s words reminded me of the tenderness I missed because Scott never helped me. The embarrassment I felt was worse. I allowed myself to love a man who never once cherished me or our family. I was the only adult working toward our future. Because of Scott’s selfishness I missed moments with Lucy. Moments I’d never get back. I covered my face as the tears came harder.
Suddenly two strong hands grabbed me and pulled me close. Elijah wrapped his arms around me and tugged me until I was half-on and half-off his lap. The sheer mass of him soothed something deep inside, giving me a sense of comfort I’d never known before. Not the peace you got from your parent or friend, but something more. His gentle caresses soothed me while stoking a fire deep down, igniting intense emotions within me.
Hooking one arm beneath the bend of my knees, Elijah cupped my cheek. “I didn’t mean to make you upset, baby. I just wanted you to know how much you deserved. Still do.”
I swiped under my eyes. Suddenly, I was burning all over. Heat from Elijah seeped through my jeans. At that moment, I thought I wanted something more from him. “I know,” I breathed out. He gripped the meaty party of my thigh. Prickles flowed from the spot.
“I’m glad you’re not with him,” he murmured, running his fingers through my hair. My eyes met his as he asked, “He upset you and Lucy because I was outside with you guys yesterday, didn’t he?”
