AllFreeNovel
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1
It was everywhere.
All over social media, the TV, my group chats. The video of Waldo whacking Adrien Cloutier in the family jewels with a walking cane had—somewhat unsurprisingly—made national news faster than the results of our last federal election.
And people werehere for it.
I scrolled through the comments of the latest post Jamie had sent me, feeling rather generous with my upvotes.
FaceSittersClub: This is the type of content I pay my internet bills for
FindingHimbo: Who is she?
imtheNPC: Anyone have irl Where’s Waldo on their 2020s bingo card? Cuz me neither
UnlawfulMotherGoose: Deranged Waldo running rampant around Toronto and hitting entitled billionaires in the balls with random costume props is my new kink.
And then there were the concerned citizens…
LickMyBallsack69: She’s gonna regret this real quick. I can smell Cloutier lawyering up from here. He’s gonna rip her life to shreds. RIP
MooMooMilkRoute39: Y’all if you know this girl you better be keeping your traps shut. We don’t know where Waldo is. Never even heard of her
The last user had just uploaded a new, shortened version of the clip and linked it to their comment. It was a three-second edit of the cane making hard contact with its target, the shocked gasp-cackle of the person recording, and Adrien’s low grunt as he folded onto his knees in front of me, face crumpled in pain.
Except the three-second clip was edited into a ten-hour loop, and the video had appropriately been titled, “ASMR | Soothing Meditation Sounds for Sleeping and Insomnia.”
I chortled and forwarded the link to Jamie just as the train started to slow to a stop. This had been the most entertaining commute to work I’d had in ages. Potentially ever.
And you’re probably going to pay for it in about ten minutes.
I brushed off the voice, refusing to let it drag me down. There was no point in stressing about something that hadn’t happened yet.
People didn’t know it was me in the video. The footage only showed the back of my head, and I’d been wearing a wig, a hat, and a pair of glasses. My disguise was solid, and the internet had a short attention span. Chances were good this whole thing would blow over and everyone would forget about it by the end of the week, tops.
I fished my keycard out of my bag and scanned my way up to the fifth floor of our office building, unable to keep the small, wicked smirk off my lips. Every time I so much as blinked, the image of Adrien’s scrunched-up face flashed in my mind, sending another shot of bubbly oxytocin straight through me.
LickMyBallsack69was wrong. The only thing I regretted was running out of the lobby as fast as I had without taking an extra second to really appreciate the justice I’d just served. Adrien deserved it for what he’d—
I jolted as a hand flew out of a door to my left, wrapped around my arm, and yanked me into a small meeting room just down the hall from my cubicle.
“Oh my god,” Alba hissed, nails digging into my arm as the door shut behind me. “Oh my god.”
I grinned. “I know, right?”
“No. Absolutely none of that,” she snapped back, her newly threaded brows drawing together. “This isn’t a joke, Ria. He’s on a fucking warpath. What the hell were you thinking?”
“He deserved it,” I argued smoothly as I wiggled my arm out of my sister’s death grip. “Guy’s an absolute prick. You know that better than anyone.”
“That’s your justification?” she hissed. The tip of her nose was starting to burn a telling red. “You smashed Adrien Cloutier’s dick in with a cane because you think he’s a prick?”
“No. I did it because he’s a gross trash goblin who smacked my butt without consent. The fact that he’s also a prick was an added bonus.”
She blinked back at me. “What?”
“Yeah. Bet you feel real dumb now, Alba. Yelling at me before you had all the facts.”
Her eyes narrowed slowly. “Hold on—start over. You’re saying he smacked your butt… in the middle of our flagship hotel lobby?”
