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“Hey, you’re home early, wh—” Jamie stopped short when I pushed my way into our apartment, her mouth falling slack as she took in my glitter-covered everything. “Whoa, what the hell?”
“Hey,” I said, dropping the massive, mostly empty box onto the floor.
I’d have given it back to Frankie and stuffed the gum and lotion into my purse (or thrown them out), but I wouldn’t be able to afford the rent here if I couldn’t find another job soon, and moving boxes were expensive.
“What happened?” Jamie asked, eyes wide.
“Well, let’s see… Adrien figured out I was Waldo, locked me in his office, and then I accidentally set off a glitter bomb, and got fired. How’syourday going?”
“You’re not coming in here like that,” she said. “Go outside and take your clothes off.”
“I’m not stripping out in the hall.”
“Ria, that stuff is gonna get everywhere. I don’t fuck with glitter. How did you even get home?”
“I walked.” It had taken forty-five minutes and there’d been a lot of questioning stares. But there was no way I’d have been able to get on a train like this, so I’d just put in my headphones and forged ahead.
Jamie sighed, her eyes bouncing up to the ceiling like she was asking it to grant her patience. “Wait here a sec.”
When she came back, it was with a plastic bag and the vacuum cleaner.
“Uh, no,” I said, knowing exactly what she had in mind.
“Uh,yes. Open the door and step outside.”
“What will the neighbors think!” I threw my arms up dramatically as Jamie plugged in her weapon.
Then she held the steel tube up with both arms and pointed it right at my head, her evil eyes thinning.
“Whoa, easy there,” I said, bringing my palms up.
“I said open the door and step outside,” she muttered through clenched teeth.
I swallowed thickly, taking a step back. “Listen,” I said, my voice and hands trembling. “You don’t wanna do this I— My name is Ria, I’m a wife and a mom and b-babies. I’ve got babies. Seventy-eight of them. There’s Jolly the Walrus and Bubbles the Fish and Princess the Bear, and they’re going to be worth a fortune in a few years, I promise! We can split the profits!”
But my generous, multi-billion-dollar Beanie Baby bribe fell on deaf ears.
“You stole him from me!” Jamie screamed. “He was mine and you just… you took him away!”
“He initiated it!” I insisted as my back hit the door. “I s-swear it. Toebeans came to my bed willingly!”
I’d known it was wrong. I’d told him to get out—to go back to her. He washercat. She was the one he needed to be spending his nights with.
But he never listened.
“Don’t do this,” I whisper-begged, my shoulders hunching with fear. “Please don’t do this. Think of my babies.”
She cocked her weapon.
Oh god.
As if on cue, Toebeans Maguire trotted out of my bedroom, chirping like the adorable little cuddle slut he was.
“Hi, cutie,” I cooed as he nuzzled my legs. “Have you been the bestest, most handsomest boy all morning?”
“All right, seriously get out before you get that shit all over him. I’m gonna vacuum you.”
I let my hands fall. “Fine but stay away from my face. We’ll use coconut oil for that. Oh, and I get to do a Sailor Mars transformation sequence first. With the sparkly spin and everything.”
