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Jamie pickedup on the first ring. “I’m so fucking mad at you, it’s not even funny.”
“In my defense, your future husband is a loose-marbled lunatic.”
“Where are you right now?” she asked, lowering her voice to match my whisper.
“Victoria, BC,” I answered, reaching for a small leather stool tucked under the vanity. This was hands down the nicest mall bathroom I’d ever been in. “More specifically, I’m at a private department store with Adrien’s mom and sister. Did you know those were a thing? Because I didn’t.”
“What are you talking about? Why are you in BC?”
“Why are you whispering?”
“Why areyouwhispering?”
“Because there’s a bathroom attendant outside and I don’t want them to overhear,” I said quietly.
“Oh. Okay.” Her voice went back to normal. “Can you start from the beginning, please? I’m really confused and somewhat concerned.”
I sighed, sneaking a glance at the door. “You’re absolutely not going to believe any of this.”
There was a rustling of thick plastic on the other end, followed by a little yowl.Feed me, human, Toebeans was demanding.
“Adrien didn’t kidnap you or anything, did he?” Jamie asked.
“Technically, no. I got on the plane willingly. Although I probably wouldn’t have if I’d known why he wanted to drag me over here.”
The familiar clinks and clanks of cat food hitting metal filled my ear as I talked, and I could imagine Jamie taking a seat at the kitchen table beside Toebeans. He liked it when we watched him eat. The internet said it was a vulnerability thing. He trusted us to watch his back while he was busy munching.
I already missed the slutty little fiend.
“And what’s his reason? Why are you there?” she asked.
“He wants me to pretend to be his fiancée in front of his family.”
Silence.
And then, “What?”
“He wants me to pretend to be his fiancée in front of his family.”
“Are you fucking with me?”
“No.”
“Is he fucking with you?”
I thought about it. “Probably.”
“Wait. Do you… is there a ring and everything?”
“Yes, and it’s the size of Maguire’s biggest toe bean. Same shape, too.”
“I don’t get it. Why does he need you to pretend to be his fiancée?”
I worried the inside of my cheek. “He says it’s to get out of all the blind dates his mom’s been setting him up on.”
Jamie waited for a few seconds before nudging me forward. “You don’t sound like you believe him.”
