AllFreeNovel
Share Us
It’s the first time I’ve admitted my feelings about Payton out loud. Hell, it’s the first time I’ve admitted them to myself. I can’t try to deny it anymore though. I wasn’t looking for someone, but if I was, Payton would be everything I’m looking for. She checks all of my boxes, and not just in that we should work, but don’t way. We do work. We totally work. The chemistry between us is palpable. At least, to me it is. Payton is hard to read. She doesn’t set off my gaydar, but she also doesn’t not seem gay. She’s just Payton. She’s nice. So nice. Nice people are hard. There’s no way to know if they’re just being polite or trying to get in your pants.
Okay. Abort those thoughts. Way too many things happen to my body when I get thoughts like that.
Then there’s my mystery girl. She’s poetic, she’s smart, she goes to the same school as me. The best part about her is that I know she likes me. The worst part is that I don’t actually know who she is. And that’s always been good enough for me. I’ve been happy with that. Now, I’m not so sure. Now that I have a physical person in front of me, having someone behind a note doesn’t seem as exciting.
“I can literally see your brain moving at a mile a minute, yet all you’ve said to me so far is that you’re falling for two people at once. Spill. Now.”
So, I do. I tell Lydia the whole story, starting with the first note, the way Felicity found out about them and used me, and how amazing Payton has been through all of this. Lydia listens carefully, and I can tell she’s trying to take in every single detail.
“Payton is the girl who always comes to your basketball games, right? She’s hot. You should go for it.”
“I don’t even know if Payton’s gay.”
Lydia laughs. “She’s definitely gay. I can tell by the way she wears your sweatshirt. She wraps herself up in it as if it’s the closest she’s ever going to get to you. I’m pretty sure I even caught her smelling it one time.”
“No you didn’t.”
“You’re right. I didn’t. But I still know she likes you. I’m Team Payton. You should definitely go for her.”
“It’s not that easy.” I sigh dramatically. “I’ve had feelings for this mystery girl long before Payton. If I tell Payton that I like her, I feel like I’m cheating on my mystery girl.”
“Are you dating this mystery girl?”
“No, no. It’s not like that at all.”
“Then it’s not cheating.”
“But we’ve been very open about our feelings for each other. It’s not a secret.”
“So, have you talked about dating?”
I shake my head. “I never even plan on finding out who she is.”
“Then you obviously go for Payton!” Lydia practically shouts. She lowers her voice and squeezes my hand. “Sorry, but come on, Mar. You’re going to miss out on what’s right in front of you to live out some fantasy.”
When she puts it like that, it does seem stupid. But she doesn’t understand. “I’ll think about it.”
“All I’m asking is that you don’t let something good slip away.”
“I won’t. I promise.” That’s not a lie. I do plan to keep Payton in my life, even if it’s forever in a platonic way.
“Good. Then my work here is done. I’ll let you get some sleep for your big game.” Lydia stands from the bed and walks to my bedroom door but turns around right before opening it. “Wait.” She looks at me with a huge shit-eating grin on her face. “You totally thought those letters were from me, didn’t you? Is that why you were so nervous? Were you trying to figure out how to tell me that you’ve always been in love with me for as long as you can remember?”
Busted. “No! I was trying to think of how the hell not to break your heart.”
Lydia puts her hand on her chest as if she’s actually hurt. “Mission accomplished. Consider it broken.”
“Oh, shut up.” I might still have the conundrum of falling for two people at once, but at least I have my best friend. I can finally breathe again.
Chapter 23
*Love Interest*
I’m an idiot. Probably the biggest idiot in the whole world. I’m so sorry I haven’t written to you. To put out a classic - it’s not you, it’s me. There was a big mix up and I had myself convinced that it was my best friend sending me these notes. I love my best friend more than anything in the entire world, but not like that. So, I was in the middle of an existential crisis and didn’t want to send another note until I figured my shit out. Good news! It turns out you’re not my best friend, so that’s cool haha.
Now that I covered that, it’s time to gush over that chapter I read. OH. MY. GOD. I’m already hooked. Like seriously hooked. Like that next chapter better be attached to my locker tomorrow or I might go crazy. Okay, I’m kidding. Kind of. Seriously though… I think I’m already in love with the main character.
What did I miss these past two weeks (aside from you…immensely)? I’m sure you know this, but we are officially in the district championship game. I have a feeling you were at my first two playoff games and if that’s the case, thank you so much. Having you there really does make a difference.
