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The room was silent for just a second before Nathalie burst into laughter. “Duh.”
Annalise didn’t say anything. Just stood there completely dumbfounded. Sure, she’d had a lot of sex with women these past few months, but like Brinley said, that could mean so many different things. Sexuality was fluid.
As soon as Nathalie took a good look at Annalise’s face, she stopped laughing. She closed the space between them and took Annalise’s hand. “Sorry, babe. I don’t mean to laugh. I’m so happy that you finally came to this realization.”
“Finally?”
“Girl, how long have we been friends? I’ve known you liked girls since we were in middle school.”
“But we used to talk about guys all the time. I had crushes and boyfriends.”
“And I never doubted that any of that was real. I always knew you liked guys , too. You just never realized that the way your eyes lit up when you talked about having a crush on a certain guy was the same way they lit up when there was a new girl in our class or you made a new female friend . I mean, come on, if I wasn’t so secure in how awesome I am, I would have gotten so jealous of how excited you got over these friendships.”
Annalise tried to wrap her mind around what Nathalie was saying. First her ex-boyfriend said he knew the whole time they were dating. Now her best friend is saying she always knew. “I’m confused.”
“Do you remember Odette Bard?”
Annalise only had to wrack her brain for a few seconds to remember who that was, which was strange since she hadn’t even been around very long. “Of course. Why?”
“She went to school with us for half a year. She moved to town right after Christmas in sixth grade then was gone as soon as summer came. Yet, it took you no time at all to remember her.”
“I don’t get it. You remember her, too.”
Nathalie’s smile widened. “Of course I do. You know why? Because you were obsessed. I forget who you were dating at the time, but you literally dumped him a week after Odette moved here because you, and I quote, ‘needed to dedicate time to the new girl.’ You spent the rest of the school year doing everything you could to make her feel comfortable. You were with her all the time. Then, when the end of the school year came and she told us her dad’s job was transferring him again, you had a complete meltdown. You spent the whole first month of summer crying over how much you missed her. The only reason you finally stopped is because Trey Everhart told you he liked you.”
All of those memories flooded back over Annalise, and it all made so much more sense. How did she not see this before? It was right in front of her the whole time.
She wished figuring out that she was bi solved all of the questions swirling around in her head, but that was just the beginning. There was so much more she was questioning. Liking girls was one thing. Having sex with them was another. But dating them? Was that something she wanted? And if it was, what did it mean for her and Brinley—the woman who had no interest in relationships?
“How did you know you wanted to be with Boden for something other than…?”
“His perfect dick?” Nathalie finished as Annalise searched for the words.
Annalise cringed. “Ew, come on. But yeah, sure.”
“As you had the pleasure of witnessing firsthand as my bestie, Boden was never supposed to be my boyfriend. He was hot and great in bed, and I fucking loved having sex with him. Still do, even if I fantasize about having one of the women from your app teach him how to go down on me better.” She waved a hand in the air. “That’s beside the point. Anyway, after months and months of him pursuing me and me insisting I just wanted to be dicked down , we were watching a movie one night and he put his arm around me and held me close. We both started laughing at the same part, and I don’t know. I just knew. I said to myself at that moment, ‘This is all I want for the rest of my life.’” Nathalie pointed a finger at Annalise, her expression suddenly becoming serious. “You share that with anyone, especially Boden, I’ll kill you.”
“You never told him?”
“Hell, no. I waited a few months after that to even admit that I wanted to date him. I had this irrational fear that if we started dating, the sex would go downhill.” Nathalie squeezed Annalise’s hand again. “Anyway, have you ever felt that way with someone before?”
Annalise’s head was spinning. “That’s where it gets confusing. I felt that way with Grant. I loved spending time with him. I was comfortable. I think I could have been happy spending my life with him. But we both agreed, we’re better off as friends.”
Nathalie shook her head. “You didn’t feel that way with Grant though. He’s just the security blanket you’re using as an excuse. I’ll admit that you recently unlocked a new, much more wild, side to yourself—which I’m really proud of, by the way—but it wasn’t there when you were with Grant. From the time we were in college, you were talking about settling down and starting a family, yet when Grant wanted that, you suddenly didn’t. I could n’t have cared less about settling down, then this asshole comes along and wifes me up after just two years together. See the difference?”
When Annalise nodded, Nathalie smiled proudly. “Now, answer my question honestly. Have you ever felt that way with anyone? Maybe recently?”
It wasn’t the question that scared Annalise. It was the answer. She had felt that way multiple times with Brinley, the worst being when they roleplayed their future fake life together. It was everything Annalise never knew she had always dreamed of. It was the life she wanted—a sexy partner she couldn’t get enough of, days spent laughing with her best friend, doing mundane things together like studying or cooking dinner. She wanted it all. But the problem was, Brinley didn’t. She had made that very clear from the beginning.
And then there was Lexie, who she still met up with regularly to have sex. Brinley encouraged it, and while that wasn’t the only reason Annalise did it—Lexie was hot and fun and unlike her other hookups, they actually talked, and Annalise liked the person she was—it certainly helped.
“I’m still having sex with other women.”
Nathalie rolled her eyes at this answer. “First of all, you’re having sex with one other woman. I know for a fact you don’t go on Lit Clit anymore. I stole your phone at the last Wine Wednesday. You deleted the app. Secondly, that’s not what I asked.”
Annalise put her face in her hands and groaned. “Come on, Nathalie, what love story starts with one woman teaching the other how to have sex with women?”
“The best one, honestly. I’d read that book in a heartbeat. Instant bestseller.”
