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“Nope.” I playfully shoved my shoulder into Tori’s. “What’s weird is how much you were avoiding me this week after you told me you weren’t.”
“I really am sorry about that. I’ve been going through some stuff recently, but I’m all good now. For real.”
I wondered if that “stuff” Tori was going through had anything to do with the drunk confession she had made after we crashed the wedding. If that was what was bothering her, what did it all mean? What was she trying to admit when she said that sometimes she wished she could steal me? Did she see me as more than a friend? Did she wish she could be with me in that capacity? More importantly, why did it feel like my heart was going to beat out of my chest just at the thought of that? I couldn’t possibly feel the same way. Sure, if I was really looking for them, there were signs that I did. But I couldn’t. So I wouldn’t. And since Tori was apparently now “all good,” it appeared that she wouldn’t either. Why did that feel like a stab to my rapidly beating heart?
Get it together, Rosemary. I patted Tori’s knee and ignored the way my hand burned and my fingers itched for more. “If you ever want to talk about anything, I’m here. Nothing you confess could ever get rid of me.”
“I’m not so sure about that,” Tori said with a laugh. “But thank you. I seriously don’t know what I would have done without you these past few years.”
Without overthinking it (because why should I?) I leaned my head against Tori’s. “The feeling is mutual. Trust me.”
We sat like this for a few minutes before my mom shouted to let us know that lunch was ready. I reluctantly pulled myself away from Tori and followed her into the kitchen. After eating and watching Bella and Emery open even more presents, we all settled into the family room and told our favorite Willow stories.
“One time when we were like ten years old she convinced me it would be an adventure to climb that one mountain that was like a block from my house. As soon as we got to the top, I fell and scraped my knee on a rock. Always one for the dramatics, I was convinced I couldn’t possibly move, so Willow put me on her back and carried me down. She was my hero that day.” Tori laughed but that didn’t mask the tears that were running down her cheeks. “She still is my hero. God, I miss her so much.”
I couldn’t find the right words to say so I put my hand on Tori’s knee and squeezed it to show my support. I was about to move my hand when she put hers on top of mine and held it in place.
I swore I saw my mother-in-law’s eyes land on our interlocked fingers, but I couldn’t be sure because soon her focus was on Tori. “You were her hero, too. She adored you, sweetheart. I am confused though. Where is this mountain at?”
Tori laughed even harder now, but her hand remained on top of mine. “Okay. Mountain might be an exaggeration. More like a large hill. It felt like a mountain back then though.”
We continued to tell more stories until everyone’s eyes started to glaze over from tiredness. “We better get going,” my mom said as she stood from the couch and let out an exaggerated yawn. “We wanted to get right over here so we still haven’t checked into our hotel.”
“You know you two are welcome to stay here,” I told her for about the billionth time.
Now it was my mother’s eyes that seemed to graze over me and Tori’s hands. “We don’t want to intrude. You’ll get enough of us over these next few days. Don’t worry.”
I stood up, reluctantly pulling away from Tori’s grasp in the process, and hugged both of my parents. “Good. I can’t wait.”
“And now that your mother is officially retired and I’m almost there, soon you’ll be sick of us.”
“I don’t think that’s possible,” Tori said as she stood to hug my parents as well. After hugging both of them, her hand came to rest on my lower back as if it was the most normal thing in the world.
“You’re only saying that because we entertain those kids of yours,” my mother said as if Bella and Emery belonged to both of us. I had to admit that it almost did feel that way at this point. “Speaking of which, where are they?”
Tori pointed upstairs. “They asked me if they could watch a movie in my room. That was a while ago though, so I should probably check on them.”
After saying our final goodbyes to everyone, Tori offered to check on the girls while I started to clean up. A few minutes later, she joined me back downstairs. “So, I have some good news and some bad news.”
I cringed. “Oh no. Let’s start with the good.”
“Don’t worry. The bad is only bad for me. The good news is the girls are fine and they aren’t getting into any trouble. The bad news is that the reason they aren’t causing trouble is because they are both completely passed out in my bed. I don’t have the heart to wake them up and make them move, so it looks like I’m taking the couch tonight.”
“Why would you sleep on the couch? Just sleep in my bed. It’s not like we haven’t done it before.”
“I don’t know.” Tori rubbed the back of her neck and stared at the floor. “I was just doing that to help you get some sleep when you were sad.”
I couldn’t explain why, but her words got under my skin and pissed me off. She was the one who had crawled into bed with me all those nights, and now she was acting like I made her do it. Like holding me in her arms meant absolutely nothing to her. I shouldn’t want it to mean something to her, but I did. Damnit, I really did. “Well, I’m sorry to be such an inconvenience to you.”
Tori cringed as if my words had hurt her somehow, then she reached out to take my hand, but I pulled it away before she could. “I’m sorry, Rosemary. That didn’t come out the way I meant it to. You’re the farthest thing from an inconvenience. I’m the one who’s an inconvenience. I was getting into bed with you every night without even asking. I shouldn’t have done that. I’m trying to be respectful by not intruding now.”
All of the anger I had been feeling a moment before quickly vanished, and it was replaced with feelings I didn’t want to acknowledge. “Tori, if I didn’t want you there, I would have just told you that. I liked it when you held me. I’ve actually really missed it. I don’t know if that’s okay for me to say, but I can’t keep lying about it.”
“I’ve missed it, too,” Tori said quietly.
“What the hell is going on with us?” Even though I asked the question, I wasn’t sure if I actually wanted to hear the answer. At least not an answer that had any bit of truth to it. Because I had a feeling the truth could ruin everything.
Tori sighed and looked up at the ceiling. “Honestly? Not anything that should be happening. Which is why, as much as I want to say yes and sleep in your bed tonight, I think I have to sleep on the couch.”
