Page 41 of Living For You


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My heart thudded in my chest as I looked across the table at the woman who had become my world at some point. This might be a first date, but it certainly didn’t feel like that. These feelings had been building between us for much longer than either of us were able to admit. “Tori, I…”

Tori put up her hand. “You don’t need to say anything. I know it’s different for you. You’re the only person I’ve ever felt this way about.”

“Just because I’ve loved someone else, and still very much do obviously, doesn’t mean my feelings for you are any less real or strong. I didn’t want this. I tried with all of my might to ignore it and fight it, but it’s no use. I’m in just as deep as you are. Willow might have been my soulmate, but I’m starting to believe it’s possible to have more than one.”

Tori just stared at me once again, and I thought she might start to cry. Instead, she chuckled and shook her head. “Look at us being a huge lesbian stereotype. It’s our first date, and we’re already confessing all of our feelings for each other.”

I laughed along with her. “Hey, at least I’m not going to ask you to move in with me at the end of it.”

“Yeah, that’d be absolutely crazy, wouldn’t it?”

This was one of the things I loved about Tori—the fact that we could be so serious one moment and so silly the next. It was the perfect balance and always kept me on my toes.

The conversation was light throughout the rest of dinner, and once we were done, Tori took the dishes downstairs and put them in the dishwasher while I sat and waited (at her insistence). Once she was done, she walked up to the couch where I was sitting and held out her hand. “Ready for the next part of the date?”

“I was born ready.”

We left the house hand-in-hand, which would have worried me if it wasn’t dark out already. Even if someone looked out their window and saw two dark figures holding hands, they wouldn’t necessarily realize it was us. At least, I hoped not since word traveled around this small town very fast, and we needed the most important people in our lives to hear about this from us, not Miss Sally at the grocery store.

Much to my surprise, Tori walked right past both of our cars in the driveway. When we reached the road, I pointed my thumb over my shoulder. “Forgetting something?”

Tori shook her head and smirked. “We’re walking.”

I hoped we weren’t walking anywhere too fancy since I’d probably be sweating by the time we got there. Even with the sun down, the hot summer heat was still intense. We walked for about ten minutes before we got to the playground we often took our daughters to.

“I know this is just a playground that we’ve been to multiple times together, but I thought it would be romantic to hang out here under the stars. Sorry if that’s lame, but I wanted to bring you somewhere that we come a lot to show you that I want to take everything ordinary and make it extraordinary for you.” Tori chuckled. “I might be giving myself a little too much credit though.”

“You’re not.” If she could feel the rapid beat of my heart right now, she would know that wasn’t a lie. “You’re the literal definition of extraordinary, Tori. When I’m with you, it makes me forget all about how cruel and unfair life can be at times. All I see is the beauty—the same way I always did with Willow. When I lost her, I worried that wouldn’t be possible anymore, but with you, it is.”

To other people, it might seem weird to talk about my dead wife on a first date, but I knew Tori would understand. That’s why, even though I tried to fight it for so long, my heart gave itself away to her. She knew what I had been through. She not only understood it, but she was the person who was there to get me through my darkest days. She’d seen me at my worst, and somehow still saw the best in me. It was extremely beautiful.

“I’m so happy I could be that light for you.” Tori pointed to the sky. “Or should I say the stars in your darkest night.”

I laughed and pushed my hip against hers. “Okay, that was incredibly cheesy.”

“Yeah, I know. Sorry.”

“No need to apologize. I happen to love cheese.”

“Perfect, because I’m sure there will be a lot more of that.” Tori motioned around the playground. “Where should we start?”

“Swings?”

Tori squeezed my hand extra hard as she bounced up and down and dragged me toward the swingset. “That would have been my choice, too. I knew I liked you.”

Tori dropped my hand when we got to the swings and took one swing while I took the other. She began swinging and put her head back to look up at the sky. Her joy reminded me of a child, and it was so contagious, it made me feel like one too. “Willow and I used to come to this playground growing up, and we would pump our legs to get the swings to go as high as possible then have a contest to see who could kick their shoes the farthest.”

For once, hearing Willow’s name didn’t feel like a stab to the heart. I pictured little Willow and Tori being ridiculously competitive and fighting over which one of them won and laughed at the thought. “Who normally won?”

Tori scoffed. “Me, of course.”

“Would Willow agree with that?”

“Willow? Admit that she lost? Never.”

“Since she’s not here to defend herself, I guess there’s only one way to settle this. I will compete in her place.”

Tori laughed as if I had just said something ridiculous. “Are you sure Willow would want that? I mean, come on.”

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