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“Yes.” I sigh.
“I see. So, what’s stopping you?”
“She has a boyfriend.”
“Hmm. I can see how that would make things more complicated for you.”
“No shit,” I grumble.
“And do you know if this woman shares the same feelings towards you?” Doc asks inquisitively.
I shake my head.
“Is that your opinion, or has she told you as much? Have you ever asked her about how she feels about you?”
“I can’t just come out and ask her that,” I blurt out, throwing my arms in the air.
“And why not?” Doc counters with an arched brow.
“Because… it will make shit awkward between us. Things are cool as they are. I don’t want to mess that up.”
“If that’s really how you feel, then we wouldn’t be having this conversation.”
“I knew this was a bad idea. You shrinks are all alike.” I groan, dragging my hand over my face.
“Are you speaking from personal experience? We still haven’t discussed whether you have been to therapy before.”
“Nah, Doc. You get a crack at one wound at a time. I’m not ready for you to cut me open just yet.”
“Okay. Although I must admit that this exchange has left me more optimistic. You usually just watch the clock until the time runs out on our session. May I ask why it’s different today?”
I shrug.
“Could it be because of thisfriend?” She adds the last part with heavy quotations. “And how important she is to you?”
“Probably,” I admit.
“And why do you think that is?”
“Because if I ever do get a chance with Lottie, I don’t want to be this head case. She deserves better,” I admit.
“You’re not a head case, Nathan. You have unresolved trauma that you still need to unpack and deal with. If you were to ask most of the people you know, they would tell you that they, too, don’t have all the answers to their problems. It’s a process. Everyone deals with problems in their own way. There’s no right or wrong way about it.”
“Yeah, okay,” I mumble under my breath.
“Now, in regard to your friend, I think you owe it to her and to yourself to tell her how you truly feel. If your friendship is genuine, then even if she doesn’t feel the same way about you, she will let you down as easily as possible so as not to ruin the friendship entirely. I’m sure that—Lottie, is it?—would have liked you to do the same for her if the roles were reversed.”
“Not everyone is that considerate, Doc.”
“Something tells me this girl is.”
My forehead creases.
“Why do you think that?”
“Because for most of your life, you have deprived yourself of real connections, thinking that everyone has ulterior motives orjust isn’t worth the hassle. If you are starting to have real feelings for this woman, then I can only assume she is worth it.”
That she is.
