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“So… Charlotte tells me that you grew up in Brooklyn. What was that like?” We finally hear Sheila’s soft-spoken voice ask.
“Like any other place, I guess,” Nate grunts.
“Oh, boy.” Piper rolls her eyes.
“I… um… I’ve only been to New York a couple of times over summer vacation with my parents when I was a kid, so I don’t remember a lot of it, but it seemed nice.”
“If you like the smell of rotten garbage and exhaust pipes, sure,” Nate responds.
I slap my forehead.
He can’t be this obtuse. Can he?
Another excruciating five minutes pass until it’s Nate’s turn to finally break the silence.
“Lottie told me you’re a kindergarten teacher.”
“I am,” Sheila replies cheerfully, happy with his chosen topic. “It’s very rewarding. Do you like kids?”
“No. Not really,” he retorts dryly.
“Oh.” Sheila sighs low-spiritedly.
“This is fucking painful,” Piper says out loud, forcing me to place a hand over her mouth to silence her.
“Shh.”
She rolls her eyes at me again, but this time, she keeps her quick commentary to herself.
Piper is right, though—this date is all sorts of painful.
Another bout of silence ensues, and neither one seems to be in a hurry to continue the conversation. The only thing that breaks the awkward silence is the sound of a cell phone ringing.
“Hi,” Sheila says after answering her phone. “Oh, no. Really? Oh, okay. Yes. I’ll be right there.”
“Everything alright?” Nate asks as we hear Sheila starting to pack up her things.
“I’m so sorry, but I’ll have to cut this date short. That was my landlord, and apparently, a kitchen pipe burst in my apartment.”
“Oh, do you need me to help? I don’t know a lot about pipes, but maybe I can help you find a good plumber,” Nate offers.
“No, that’s okay. My landlord has one coming,” Sheila’s quick to add as she gets out of her seat. “So… this was… nice. Itwas a pleasure meeting you, Nathan. I… um… yeah. Have a nice dinner. Goodnight.”
And just like that, Sheila is out the door, but not before almost tripping over our waiter as he brings our food, eager to get as far away from her disastrous date as possible.
Piper and I share a look as she slides back into her seat.
Now I understand why all the dates I’ve set Nate up on have been total disasters.
It wasn’t the women who were duds like Nate called them—it was Nate.
He’s the dud.
“There was no pipe emergency, was there?” I hear Nate ask from his seat, confirming he knew all along that we were here eavesdropping on him.
Shit.
“Busted.” Piper grins widely before taking a sip of her wine.
