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Okay, that wasn't the question I expected him to ask. "I don't know. Right now, it's paying for school and rent. I'll keep doing it until I don't need to any longer. It's great money and I seem to be good at it."
He raises a brow at me. "Seem to be?" he scoffs. "Babe, watchin' you dance gives me a fucking hard on. You ooze sexiness without even tryin'. Trust me, you're fuckin' good at it."
Compliments aren't something I'm used to, so hearing him give one to me so easily makes me blush. "Thanks."
We continue to talk about general things, not getting too deep into our lives. It's fun, and I feel as though it's not just fucking right now. Once the pizza is finished, I get to my feet. I really need to get home.
"You're off tomorrow, right?" he asks as he too rises to his feet.
I nod. "I am. I have to take my sisters to school though, so I'll be up bright and early."
"The hotel's paid for 'til twelve."
My heart stutters. He wants a daytime rendezvous? Hell yes. "I can be here for ten."
His lips twitch. "Then, babe, it's a fuckin' date."
I move toward the door. "See you then, Preacher."
"Drive safe, babe," he says thickly, and my heart soars.
Damn it, I'm going to get attached if he continues to be so sweet. I leave the hotel with a smile on my face. That was probably the greatest night of my life, and I'm lucky that I get to meet with him again tomorrow. I just pray that when what we have comes to an end, he doesn't treat me the way he did after our first night together. There are feelings involved now, and I don't know if I could deal with the shame and disappointment if he did it again.
CHAPTER10
AILBHE
My stomach flips as I run to the bathroom, unable to keep the vomit at bay any longer. Fuck. Over and over again, I vomit, until there's nothing left in my stomach. I sit back against the wall, my feet pressed against the cold, tiled floor, and rest my head on my knees. Four days in a row now this has been happening. I can’t deny it any longer. Nausea, tender breasts, and a missed period—they all point to one thing. On shaky legs, I stand and reach for the brown paper bag containing the stupid box that I purchased at the pharmacy yesterday. I hid it, praying I wouldn't have to use it, but I can't pretend for another day.
I read through the instructions, trying my hardest not to cry. I have no idea what to even think right now.
I take the test, and while I wait the three minutes required for the result, I close my eyes and pray that it's negative. I don't have the capability to look after another child. We're barely surviving as it is. Da's making things even worse by continuing to be an arsehole who just comes and goes as he pleases, and Ruairi's talking about moving out and finding his own place. I have no idea how I’ll manage with another child, let alone a baby. I can't be pregnant. There's just no way I can be. I need this test to be negative.
I take a steadying breath, swallow the tears clogged in my throat, and open my eyes. The tears I managed to keep at bay begin to fall. I knew it. There was no other explanation for my symptoms other than pregnancy, and now it's confirmed. God, what am I going to do?
For almost two months now, Preacher and I have been having sex, and it’s good, great even. But he was very clear about the terms of our relationship right from the start. It’s only sex, nothing more. I agreed, my life is chaotic enough, there’s no way I could cope with anything else on my plate. Now I’m adding a baby into the mix. God, this isn’t good, I don’t even know how I’m going to be able to manage it all. Damn it, I can’t even think straight.
I sink to the bathroom floor and cry. I never intended for this to happen. God, my life has changed so much over the past year. Every dream I had has gone down the pan. I'm barely able to catch my breath with everything changing so much. And now a baby? Ugh, what the hell am I going to do?
I end my pity party when I hear someone start to move around in their bedroom. I need to get dressed and start the day. The children will be up and about soon, and I don't need them to worry about anything. I don't want to tell anyone yet as I have no idea what I'm going to do. The first thing I need to do is call the doctor and confirm that I am indeed pregnant, and then I can start to make decisions.
I bin the pregnancy test, unable to even look at it right now. I take a deep breath and sigh as I look in the mirror. I look as though I've been sobbing. The puffy, red, watery eyes are a huge giveaway. I quickly scrub my face, cleaning it of tears, snot, and vomit. I don't want the children to worry. They've had such upheavals in their lives already; the last thing I want for them is to wonder what's going to happen when they've finally started to have a stable life.
Once I'm finished in the bathroom, I quickly make my way to my bedroom, managing to make it there without bumping into anyone, which is a hard feat considering there are four other people in the house. I need space away from everyone, I need to be able to process this properly. I need to figure out how the hell I’m going to tell Preacher.
* * *
"Morning," Ruairi says as he enters the kitchen three hours later. All the kids have been fed and are in the sitting room watching TV while I clean. Evie's lying on the sofa, thumb in mouth as she watches. She usually gets like that when she's coming down with something. I pray that she doesn't, and that if she does, whatever it is, it passes quickly.
"Morning," I reply. "Hungry?" I ask, biting back the urge to close my eyes. Since I woke up this morning, the pounding in my head has slowly gotten worse. I'm no stranger to headaches, but the ones that cause pain in your eyes are the worst.
He shakes his head. "No, I'm fine, thanks, Al. I've got four apartments to look at today. I'm going to take the kids with me. I'd like to have their approval too."
I give him a smile, my heart dropping at his words. God, that's the last thing I expected, and it couldn't come at a worse time. "You know there's no need for you to move out, right?"
He nods. "It's been hard living with you all again. I got used to my own space."
I laugh, and the sound feels forced even to my own ears. But I understand his need to move out. It's a big adjustment being back here and I know it's not been easy on him. "Well, I'm glad that you're here."
