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But from his reaction today, I don't know if that's going to happen.
CHAPTER14
PREACHER
Istare at the bottle of whiskey in front of me. I've been good. I've stayed the fuck away from booze for a long time, and right now, I'm struggling.
Pregnant.
Ailbhe's words continue to spin around in my head. The fuck am I going to do? I can't even think straight right now. The pain that slashed through her eyes at my words is going to haunt me for a lifetime. She looked at me as though I stabbed her in the heart and ripped it from her chest.
Hearing her tell me she's pregnant brought a slew of fucking memories back. They all hit me like a ton of bricks all at once and I lashed out. I needed to take a step back and I needed Ailbhe to leave me alone for a moment. But I feel like shit. I lashed out at her and I shouldn't have, but fuck, I couldn't hold it in.
"What's goin' on, brother?" Wrath asks as he slides onto the stool beside me. "You're lookin' at that bottle as though you want to drink it all without takin' a breath."
"Got shit on my mind," I say. My words are rough, and I know that I must look like a crazed asshole. "Don't need company right now, Wrath. I've got a lot of respect for you, brother, a fuckin' lot of respect, but I need you to leave me be."
I know myself, and when I get into moods like this, I should be alone. I shouldn't be let around people because I can't hold back the anger. I'll let loose and could end up hurting someone.
"I'm a big boy, Preach. I've known you for a long fuckin' time. I may not be as close to you as Reaper was, but I'm the closest thing you've got right now."
"Appreciate that," I say thickly. "But trust me, right now, you don't want to be around me."
"What's goin' on, brother. What's happened?"
"A fuckin' lot," I hiss. "I fucked up. I think I've fucked up huge."
"How about you tell me what's happened and then I could help you?"
I shake my head. "I don't know about that, bro. I really don't want to talk about it."
He drums his fingers against the table. "Alright, I respect that, but I'm goin' to talk and take a stab at what's happened, and if I'm close, maybe you can tell me the rest, yeah?"
I don't answer him. I doubt he'll know what the fuck's going on but I let him have at it.
"You've not spoken to Reaper, so that's out. You have spoken to Esme, somethin' I'm proud of you for, brother. She's a good woman and she loves Reaper and Tyson."
"Wrath—" I warn. I don't want to fight my brother, but I fucking will.
"He's doin' good, brother. Just thought I'd let you know that. He's doin' real good, but he misses you."
I miss my kid. I fucking miss my kid so fucking much, but I did the right thing. I left him behind no matter how fucking much it hurt me. I left him with his parents and he's thriving now.
"But this is about your girl, Ailbhe," he says, and I grind my teeth. Fuck. I don't want to talk about it, and no matter how much I tell him, he's not listening to me. He's just going to continue with the bullshit. Christ, he's a fucking asshole.
"It is. Look at how pissed you are at me for talkin' about her. So what happened? You fucked up with her, that's obvious. But the question is: what did you do?"
"Leave it," I hiss.
"What happened, brother? Why the hell are you wantin' to drown yourself in alcohol?"
"Wrath," I grunt. "Seriously, fuckin' leave it."
"She tell you she don't want to see you anymore?" he asks. "I wouldn't blame her. I mean, you're a crazed motherfucker."
My lips twitch. "Probably she won't anymore."
He winces. "Christ, what did you do?"
