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"He's not yours," she used to taunt. I used to think it was just to piss me off, but it's true.
Fucking Pepper. That Goddamn bitch. She's fucking up my boy’s life even from beyond the grave.
* * *
A few days later
I hold my boy tight and keep him close to my chest, even though my heart is beating a mile a minute. The thought of leaving him kills me. I can't be without him. He's my son. I don't give a fuck what the biology says. I don't give a fuck what the results say. Tyson is my son. I'm the one who has kept him alive his entire life and now someone else is going to raise him as their own. I can't fucking breathe at the thought.
Tyson coos in my arms, his silverish eyes looking up at me with such happiness. Fuck. Why is this shit happening to me? Why on earth did Pepper play me so fucking badly?
Losing Abel and then sinking into that dark place was hard. I wrecked so many lives due to how the fuck my past affected me. My parents fucked me up and then losing my brother was the hardest thing in my life, or so I thought. But nothing compares to how I am feeling right now. Losing my son is by far the deepest pain I'll ever feel. But I'll be damned if I'm going to give him up without a fight. Tyson is my son. I'll make sure that I won't leave him.
I won't be leaving him. I will take him and fucking run. No fucking doubt about it, I'll run. I'll live the nomad life with my boy.
Once I'm finished packing, Tyson's fast asleep in my arms. I sink down onto the bed and hold him tighter. Tears fall from my eyes and I'm unable to stop them.
What the fuck is going to happen now?
* * *
Fourteen hours later
Finding out that Reaper is Tyson's father was the biggest blow I could have been given. Anyone else, and I was running. I didn't give a fuck. I would have taken my boy and ran. But I couldn't do that to Reaper. I've taken so much from him already. He served time for me; I couldn't take my boy from him too.
No matter how hard Reaper tried to make me stay, tried to explain that he would keep things as they were, that I could still be Tyson's dad, I couldn't do it. I couldn't live with him in the compound knowing that I'm taking the opportunity to be a father away from him. That's not who I am and it's not something I would have ever been able to do. Anyone else and I was gone, but not Reaper. Never to him.
"Ladies and Gentlemen, we're thirty minutes away from landing. The weather in Dublin is three degrees Celsius with light showers," the captain says over the intercom.
Once my mind was made up there was no changing it. I had to leave, and going Nomad wasn't the option for me yet. I needed to be around my brothers. I know that if I'm alone, I'm sinking to the deepest and darkest part of my mind and soul. There wouldn’t be any way out. I wouldn't be able to pull myself out.
The plane lands, and I'm grateful to be out in the open air. While the weather is wet, the fresh air hits my lungs and I breathe in deeply.
Can I start over here for a while? Time will tell.
But fuck, this pain in my chest is tight and I don't think that I'll ever be able to get rid of it. It's from losing Tyson and that feeling isn't ever going to go away.
Fuck.
I pray that my son is going to be okay. I know he'll be loved and cared for, but Christ, I'm going to miss him like fuck. The thought of not being with him tears me apart.
I never thought I'd lose him, but sometimes life has other plans for you.
God, if Pepper was still alive, I'd slit her throat and watch as the bitch struggled to breathe. I would smile as the life left her eyes. She got away with her sins far too fucking easily.
The day I die, I'll be happy. It means I get to see that cunt Pepper again and I'll finally get revenge for all the hurt that bitch has laid on everyone.
CHAPTER15
AILBHE
"He's not here again, girl," Tamara tells me. "He's a fucking dick. You're better off without him."
I sigh. It's been two weeks and I haven't seen Preacher since I told him I was pregnant. I'm so stupid. After I told him I was pregnant, I went home sobbing, but when I woke the next morning, I thought it would take a couple of days and then he'd reach out and talk to me. But that hasn't been the case. Instead, he's hiding. He's no longer coming to the club. That hurts, because I know it's because of me that he's not here. I'm so stupid. I should have known better. I should never have gotten my hopes up and I shouldn't have believed that he'd change his mind. He made his feelings known and I should have taken him at his word. Instead, I got my hopes up, and that's on me.
"Look, there's nothing I can do about it," I tell her honestly. "Whatever happens, happens. We had fun and it's over now."
"Yeah, but you've got to live with the consequences of that fun while he gets to walk away without a care in the world. It's utter bullshit. So fucked up."
