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His nose flared like he had plucked those thoughts from my head, and then horror widened his eyes, jerking him away. Ash moved across the room, turning his back to me, his hands shoving through his hair before stalling on his hips.
Humiliation rained down, stealing my breath and heating my skin. It rolled around and around in the silence, growing like bacteria. I could still feel the imprint of his fingers, the need still pulsing between my legs, while shame crawled up from the trenches, twisting my yearning into disgust. Yanking down the sweater, I sat up, pulling the cover back over me, peering down at my hands.
Sex was never an uncomfortable topic for me before; it couldn’t be in my world. I had always been forward, going after what I wanted. But what had happened the last time, even before that, caused things to change.
I hadn’t feltanythingsexual lately for anyone… and to be turned on by him yelling at me, gripping my throat…
“I’m sor—”
“Nothing to be sorry about.” Ash rushed away, running his hand over his face, shaking his head. “I’m the one who should be sorry. I shouldn’t have touched you like that. It was wrong.”
But I liked it.I crushed that thought like crackers in my hand, scattering it like dust.
We both were tensely quiet for a few minutes, the room suffocating, before he spoke.
“We’ve got a long day tomorrow.” He lowered himself back to the floor, settling in. My eye caught the wet spot on his thigh before he covered himself with the blanket. “Get some sleep.”
Yeah. Right.
Laying my head back on the pillow, I turned away from him. The silence was thick, allowing the flesh of my past to crawl out from the black depths and sink its claws into my mind. Reminding me of all the things I had done to get myself here.
Time ticked by, what felt like years, before I eventually drifted into a shallow slumber. My consciousness skimmed the surface, aware I was asleep but prisoner to my mind. Trapping me in it, holding me down so I couldn’t look away. It always started out the same, a voyeur to my dreams, a bystander screaming for it to stop before it forced me to relive it through my eyes again. Experience the power, the high taking over my pain.
The monster could not be contained. It whispered, it hunted, and then it devoured.
Blood.
Screaming.
Nooooo! Stop! Please…
Was it my pleading or theirs? I didn’t know anymore.
“Scarlet?” A figure was next to me in the dark. My lids were open, though my brain still struggled to know if I was awake or dreaming. It didn’t feel any different. Still trapped, my lungs fought to grasp air, my limbs fighting to break free.
“Shhh. It’s okay.” Fingers touched my face, brushing them soothingly through my hair. “It’s just a dream.”
As if his words released me from my prison, I gasped and gulped for air, the threads of my dream vanishing under his touch. But without the shield of sleep, the pain of reality punched a hole through my gut, pushing a sob up my throat.
“It’s okay. I’m here.” Ash spoke softly. It was like he had a direct link to my brain, calming me in an instant, though my body still quivered, my skin coated in sweat, my heart in heaviness.
His hand slowly stopped, pulling away when he thought I was falling back to sleep again.
I couldn’t help but stare at him—his strong bare chest, his blond hair loose, his green eyes seeing nothing but me. And I felt something I hadn’t in a long time.
Safe.
He started to rise.
“No.” I had no control over my actions, impulse driving me. I grabbed his wrist, my head wagging, though my eyes wouldn’t even meet his in the dark. I didn’t want to think about it. I didn’t want to acknowledge anything.
I was scared. Alone.
Tugging his arm, I turned onto my side, away from him, trying to pull him down next to me. He didn’t move for a few moments, cutting deeper into my shame, and I curled into myself.
Ash blew out his nose and scooted down next to me on the small twin bed, his arm staying around me, his body pressed firmly into mine, his mouth nestling close to the back of my neck.
“I’m here.” His voice barely made it to my ears. “You can sleep.”
