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A pulse throbbed between my thighs, and I imagined it was me instead. The vision was so sharp, I swear I could taste him on my tongue, feel him down my throat. It made the room spin around me, stealing my breath.
I ran back upstairs like the little girl he accused me of being, out of my element. Feeling unsure was a new thing for me. Confidence had never been a problem. Now all I seemed to feel was fear and insecurity.
I tried to not think about it, but the picture of what he’d been doing gripped my chest and divided me into pieces all over again. Embarrassment flooded me for even remotely wishing it was me, but the worst was jealousy. And on top of that… desire. Curiosity.
Laying in the dark room, the sounds of a bed pounding below me, along with the moans, took over my body. Slipping my fingers into my pussy, I imagined my ex over me, like I had so many times before, but it was Ash’s image that kept infiltrating my mind, taking me hostage. His green eyes were bright, his mouth in a sexy smirk as he opened my legs wider, pumping his fingers in deeper, whispering what a good girl I was. I had never been into praise kink, but maybe it was because I never had anyone do it to me. Wetness dripped from me as Ash took control in my imagination, my back arching, my teeth driving into my lip, holding back a cry as my release sang through me.
Heaving, I sank back into the bed, humiliation creeping in when the door to the room burst open. The man I had secretly imagined getting me off stood there wet and only wearing a towel.
Crawling into bed with me after probably fucking both whores, he made me feel nauseous, as if I was the little woman waiting at home while he fucked around on me. I wanted to fight him to get him far away from me. When he shushed me and wrapped his arms around my body like we had just had sex, my brain struggled with truth and fiction. It was too much.
Neither of us wanted this. Our hearts were somewhere else. It was just because a warm body was next to us. But when I finally fell asleep, I didn’t dream of my heartbreak or the sins I had committed. It was peaceful and sheltered, like I was cocooned away from all the nightmares dragging me down into the pits of hell.
I woke up safe. Happy… and with Ash’s cock pressing against my opening, only my underwear keeping him from entering me.
A wave of need bubbled a moan up my throat. Yearning to push back into him, to feel him enter me in the hazy half-dream, where neither of us was fully awake, our bodies acting before our minds caught up.
The problem was he might be asleep, but I was wide awake.
Jolting away, I scrambled to the chair, watching him reach out for my absent body, a frown creasing his forehead.
What the fuck is wrong with you?I screamed at myself. It took everything I had not to just let it happen. Hell, not to instigate it. What would he have thought if he woke up already inside me? It was a line we couldn’t uncross.You are acting out because you miss him. My best friend. The boy my world had revolved around since I was born.
My heart was still breaking. I couldn’t take it out on Ash.Yeah, remember what you did last time. I drew my knees to my chest, palming my face, tears burning my eyes.
I left Vienna because I had to, to keep people safe. My friends who died were just a sample of what would come. But also because I could no longer pretend I was fine. I felt trapped in a prison of my own making. Running from my crimes. From my life. Except I felt even more lost now.
Looking at Ash sleeping, I once again was divided. I should go. Leave him to continue his journey the way he wanted without me as a burden. All I seemed to be was a burden. Too much when I tried to be me. Too many parts pulling me into the dark. He shouldn’t have to take that on. And I could never let him find out the truth.
Yet, my ass wouldn’t get out of the chair, sneak out of the room, and leave him. I knew the day was coming. I never should’ve gotten on the train to follow him in the first place. But I’m not sure I could have stopped myself if I tried. The tree fairy had something that drew people in, a moth to a flame, burning you to ashes, just like his name indicated.
Ash’s head swung back to check on me as we traveled down a snowy pass, snapping me back to the present. He had to stop and slow down the last four hours, my steps getting shorter as my energy waned, matching the daylight draining from the sky. My legs ached, and blisters burned the back of my heels. My ribs throbbed and my teeth chattered.
His lips were pressed together, and I could tell he was fighting the urge to say something, grating on me even more. Last night was on me, but the way he acted this morning with the bartender? What was that? Did he think he was saving me or something? As if I were some damsel needing his help?
A scoff came up my throat at the thought. He had no idea what I was capable of. Most didn’t.
“What?” Ash turned back to me again, his shoulders tense, the snow piling up on the road, making it harder to walk.
“Nothing.” The response was a struggle to get through my teeth, my joints stiff with cold. Fae felt everything humans did, like cold and heat. We just didn’t die from them. Though our bodies would shut down if we needed to heal. And with goblin metal, I was even more vulnerable, more susceptible to the elements and slower to recover.
Ash pinched his nose, inhaling slowly. “I swear…” he muttered under his breath.
Now it was my turn to ask, “What?”
His eyes darted to me, his head shaking.
“No, please continue. You’ve been huffing and puffing for the last six hours, glaring back at me. Just get it out.” Finally catching up to him, my boots stopped in front of his.
“I’m the one huffing and puffing?” He laughed dryly. “You’ve been sighing every thirty seconds.”
“No, I haven’t.”
“Yes, you have.”
“I’m simplybreathing.” My hands tucked tighter under my armpits. “Maybe that’s what’sreallybothering you.”
“May-be,” he gritted back, our eyes locked in battle.
