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PROLOGUE
“YOU HAVE Awife?”I gasp.
Agony rips through my soul as I stare into the eyes of the man I’ve come to trust and love, and I know what happened tonight is going to completely change the course of my life, ofourlives.It hurts, it burns to a depth I didn’t know was possible. There is pain, and then there is this—something I willneverrecover from.It’s something that will forever tarnish parts of my soul, marring it until it breaks into a thousand tiny pieces.
“Had.Yes,” he growls, his voice thick as he runs a hand through that long, red hair I’ve come to love so much.
“You swore ...”I whisper, my fingers curling into the flesh on my chest, as if that will take the pain away.“You swore we would always be honest with each other and, all along, you’ve been keeping a secret like this?”
“Jaybird ...”
“No,” I bellow, my voice cracking.“Don’t you dare.You let me fall in love with you.We have a child together.And all this time, you’ve been lying.What are you going to do now, Muff?How are you going to fix all the things you’ve broken?You had a wife.A fuckingwife.”
His eyes are pleading with me to understand, but I don’t, I won’t.There was never a good enough reason for him to keep this from me.Not for a single second.Even if it happened in the past, he could have told me.But the fact that she came back and he has known about it?Instead of telling me, he decided to lie and sneak around?That’s what kills me, that’s what burns deep inside.It burns because a small part of me fears that he didn’t tell me because he doesn’t know what he wants.
“I don’t know,” he barks, his fists curled angrily by his sides.“I don’t know how to deal with anything happening right now.I’m fuckin’ ...”
“What?”I shout, my knees wobbling.“What?”
“I’m fuckin’ confused!”
Those words hurt, they sting, because it’s my biggest fear coming true.He doesn’t know what he wants.
I thought we were unbreakable, but now ...
I can’t do this.
I can’t risk my heart.
“Let me make this easy for you,” I whisper, my voice no longer.“We’re done.”
“Fuck,” he barks into the empty, cold, lonely night.“Why are you making this so hard?You haven’t even let me fuckin’ explain.”
“Me?”I laugh, bitterly.“You did this, Muff.You did this.Not me.I’m protecting myself because I thought ...I thought there wasn’t a single thing in this world that could break us and tonight I was proven wrong.”
“I just need time.”
Shaking my head, I stare down at the cracks on the footpath beneath my sneakers.“I don’t have time that I’m willing to give.I’ve lived long enough as a second, I won’t do it again.It’s over, Muff.”
I turn, walking toward the car where all the girls are waiting, their eyes wide.I don’t get far when his hand lashes out, curling around my upper arm and pulling me back toward him.“Janine ...”
Ripping my arm from his grips, I spin to face him.“Do not.You made a choice.You chose to lie, to sneak, to keep me out of this.You didn’t care about how it was going to make me feel.I don’t think there is a way I can come back.”
“We have a child together ...”
“Yes, we do.That will never change.You can see Max whenever you want, but for right now, I need you to leave.Leave me alone.”
“Don’t do this,” his voice is raspy, broken, and it kills me.
“Can you promise me that your mind and heart is fully in this, that you’re not thinking about your life with her, and maybe considering taking her back?”
He swallows, and I know the answer even though I don’t want to admit it.
He knows it too; he just doesn’t want to say it.
“I need time to figure out ...”
“Then take it,” I cut him off.“But don’t youdareask me to wait.”
