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Everything hurts.
“Shut the fuck up,” Benito growls, slamming the van closed and effectively trapping me in darkness.
I can’t move, even if I wanted to, I can’t.
My body is stuck in the position I landed in, broken and twisted, roaring with a pain I can’t control.I have no tears left, not even my mouth has the strength to open and let out a pained cry.My mind is shutting down, and somehow, through it all, I manage to see my kids’ faces and know that I have to hang on.For them.
Even though, right now, death would be a relief.
The darkness must find me, because the next thing I know I’m being pulled from the van and thrown onto the hard ground.Dirt swirls around me as my body lands with a thud, but I don’t cry out, I can’t, I have nothing left.It’s dark out, and as the van skids away making a commotion, I know it won’t be long before someone finds me.
Music blaring in the distance tells me I’m at the club.
I try to force my eyes open, but they feel like they’re glued shut.They’re so swollen that I don’t know if I’ll ever open them again.
“What the fuck?”
An unfamiliar voice penetrates my ringing ears, and I hear some scuffling beside me as someone drops down.A hand touches my face, but I can’t really feel it.I only know because they move my head over so they can see who I am.Can they even tell?Is my face so messed up that I’ll never look the same again?I don’t know.
“Yo, get Jackson out here, now.”
I don’t know who that is, but before I know it, I’m surrounded by people.Their voices moving at a quick pace as they talk amongst themselves, no doubt shocked at what they’re seeing.I don’t feel any pain right now, and I wonder if my body has gone into some sort of shock, or maybe, it’s about to take me away forever.
“Get out of the fuckin’ way.”
Jackson’s familiar voice fills my ears and I wish I could open my eyes to see him.A rough hand takes my face, turning it from side to side, then I hear an audible gasp.“No.Get Muff.Get him right fucking now.”
He knows it’s me.
I lift my hand, and he takes it in his, carefully holding my bruised fingers.
“I got you, darlin’,” Jackson murmurs low.“I’m here.I got you.”
“What the fuck is goin’ on?”
Muff’s voice.
Oh.
“Janine?”
The way that word comes out of his mouth, ragged and broken, has everything inside me clenching with pain.I want to open my eyes, to tell him I can hear him, but nothing is working.
“No,” he bellows, and Jackson’s hand is suddenly replaced by his.“Baby, can you hear me?Open your eyes.Baby, open them.Call a fucking ambulance.Someone call for help.”
“Don’t move her,” Jackson orders.“Do not fuckin’ move her, Muff.”
“Janine, open your eyes, honey,” Muff murmurs, his voice low.“Please, baby, open your eyes.”
I squeeze his hand, because it’s the only thing I can do.
“I got you,” he responds, squeezing back.“I won’t leave your side.Do you hear me?I’m here, baby.I’m so sorry.So fuckin’ sorry.”
His voice cracks, and it breaks my heart.
I wish I could tell him I’m okay, but I honestly don’t know if I am.
I don’t know anything anymore.
