Page 64 of Muff


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“She is.”

Then, his hand is on my face.My eyes flutter open, and I look to him, with his bloodshot eyes and hair that is tied messily atop his head.He looks like he hasn’t slept for days.I reach up, my finger stroking over his swollen lip.How did that happen?He takes my hand, turning his face into it and closing his eyes.My heart breaks.It just shatters.

“I’ve fucked a lot of things in my life up, Jaybird, but I will never forgive myself for what I did to you.”

A lump forms in my throat as I stare at him.

He releases my hand and leans down, his fingers gliding through my hair as his face lowers to mine.He runs his lips over my forehead, and I close my eyes, just taking him in for a moment, letting this feeling wash over me, a feeling I’ve so desperately wanted for months now.

“I will spend every single day of my life makin’ it up to you, and if you don’t want me, I’ll still spend every single fuckin’ day of my life makin’ it up to you.”

A tear leaks out of my puffy eye, and he swipes it away, staring down at me with those glassy eyes of his.

“And hear me when I say, I will find the fucker who did this to you, and I’ll gut him, slowly, while he screams for mercy.With every single scream, I’ll make him say your name, so the last person he thinks of when he takes his final breath is you.You’ll be the last face in his mind as I end him, and I will end him, Jaybird.”

His words are terrifying, mostly because I know he means them.

He runs a thumb over my bottom lip, and I have so much I want to say, but my body is exhausted, and I can’t manage a single word as my eyes grow heavy.

“I told Ebony you were in a car accident because it was the only thing that wouldn’t terrify her for the rest of her fuckin’ life.She understands, but not enough for it to be too traumatic.She will want to see you, but Jaybird, it’s goin’ to be tough on her.”

Do I look that bad?

Am I really that messed up?

Poor Ebony.

She doesn’t deserve this.

I shake my head, fighting through the exhaustion to mutter a few words.“Don’t let her see me until I’m a bit better.Please.”

Muff hesitates, but then he nods.“Whatever you want, baby.”

Baby.

Oh, how I’ve longed to hear that word.

My eyes close, and I exhale, pain and relief, a mixture of both.The doctor showed me a button by my bed that I can press anytime the pain gets too bad.Reaching for it, I take it in my hand and press, letting the warmth wash over me as sleep takes hold.

I don’t know if Muff stays or leaves, but either way, I fall into blissful darkness once more.

~*~*~*~

THREE WEEKS LATER

“I can’t fuckin’ find him,” Muff bellows, storming through the front door of our house where I’m lying on the sofa, Serenity by my side, the guys here installing some new security.

Muff has been looking, every single day since the attack—he hasn’t stopped.

I don’t know that he’ll ever find Wesley, but I know he’s not going to give up easily.

Things have been chaotic, to say the least.

Whatever message Wesley delivered to the club has them in a frenzy.They’ve been secretive, angry, and going on a lot of rides.None of the old ladies know anything, but we do know they’ve increased security at the compound, the houses, and we’re not allowed to go anywhere alone.That in itself tells me they’re afraid of something – but what?What could they possibly have to hide that is so bad?

The answer to that isn’t something I can handle right now.

I’m back at home, recovering slowly.Ebony and Max stay here with Muff and me, but I sleep in the spare room downstairs.I’m not ready to go back there with Muff, even though he’s making sure I know he’s not giving up easily.Every single day he is trying to prove to me that he made a mistake, but my heart is so broken, so damaged, that I’m struggling to let him back in.I’m struggling to accept the fact that even for a second, he was willing to consider a life without me.

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