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My body is starting to ache, the sex making everything inside me hurt, but I’m not complaining because it was incredible.
“Was just the three of us, all our lives.Harper, Charlie and I,” Muff begins, leaning back and crossing his arms, how tense he is feeling shows with every movement, but I let him be.“We grew up together and we were always friends.Harper had a shit life, her father was into some bad things and her family was rough.”
He pauses for a moment.
“Charlie just kind of fit in.He was always a loner, mysterious, and kept to himself, but with us, he could just be who he wanted to be.We were everything to each other, and when we lost Charlie, it was soul crushing.It fucking destroyed a piece of both Harper and me, and it drew us closer together.We had been together a while before he died, but that was the moment we both knew we had to be a part of each other's lives.”
My heart breaks for him.He has told me about Charlie, I just never knew the depth of it.I never knew just how much he meant to them.
Guilt washes over me because I should have heard him out a lot sooner.
“Harper and I got married, and it was good.Hell, it was fuckin’ great.I loved her, we were happy, everything was the way it was meant to be until she went missing.One day, she was just gone.It was the worst fucking day of my life because I didn’t see it coming.Lookin’ back, I think there were signs, her withdrawing a little, hiding things, but I didn’t pay attention.Was young, didn’t think anything of it.”
“If she just went missing, how come you thought she was dead?”I ask, my voice soft.
“We looked, and we searched.Eventually, the police declared her dead and issued me with a death certificate.Because of her father, they figured she was likely never to be found.That was all I got, and believe me, I didn’t want to accept it.I fuckin’ fought, searched, did everything I could but I had to accept she wasn’t comin’ back.Met Spike, the rest is history, until she actually came back.”
Swallowing, I offer him a small smile.“So, she was in witness protection?”
Muff nods.“Some kind of protection, yeah.She was helping them to take her father down and he found out.Can’t blame her for that, he made her life hell.Harper was never goin’ to be free with him around, and I guess she decided it was worth it to do what she did.She told me she didn’t think she would be gone for so long.”
“Why didn’t she just tell you?”
“Safety, apparently.Said it was better if I truly thought she was gone because if I didn’t, her father would likely work it out and my life would be in danger.Makes sense, but fuck, I don’t think she’ll ever know just how much that decision changed the course of my life.”
“Do you still love her?Be truthful with me, Muff, because I don’t think I can handle another lie.”
“Always will,” he answers honestly, “when she came back, my emotions were all over the place.Can’t explain to you the confusion I felt, but it was fuckin’ soul crushing.Then you left me, and everything turned upside down.For a time, I thought her being back was what I wanted, I was clouded by old feelings and memories.The truth is that’s all they are – the past.”
His answer hurts, but at the same time, it makes perfect sense.
Nodding, I whisper, “You said you would do anything to prove to me that I am what you want.You have to understand, seeing her tonight and seeing how broken she is, makes it hard for me to believe she’ll ever just let you go.I don’t know where that leaves me...us...”
Muff’s face grows stern, and he leans forward in the chair, his eyes not wavering when he says, “Not a single thing on this earth will ever pull me away from you again, Janine.I swear that.She is a part of me, she always will be, but she’s not the part I want to walk into my future with.It hurts, knowin’ I’m hurtin’ her, but she will move on.She will find peace.My only focus right now is proving to you that I am in this, wholeheartedly.”
Staring down at my hands, they tremble as I process his words.
“You slept with her,” I whisper.“You spent time with her, stayed nights at her house.Just the thought of that breaks my heart and makes my stomach twist with a pain I’m not sure will ever leave.For a moment, you wanted her.”
“For a moment, I thought I did want her.I can’t explain to you how it felt because you’d never understand and that’s fine, but it was like a million thoughts were goin’ through my head at once.Old feelings, new feelings, pain and betrayal, it clouded every damned thought until I couldn’t breathe.”
“I don’t want it to have taken me being beaten as the reason you decided to take me back...”
Muff stands, stepping toward me before kneeling in front of me and taking my chin in his hand.“I was comin’ to find you when I found out you were missing.It was before I knew what happened that I made the choice.I was comin’, baby.”
My bottom lip trembles and a tear rolls down my cheek.“You were?”
“Fuck, yes, I was.I made a mistake, baby, but I won’t make it again.I told you I’d spend every day makin’ it up to you and showin’ you that you’re the only thing for me, and I intend to keep that promise.”
“We have a lot to work on, you know that.You lied to me, but I also didn’t give you a chance to explain.I ended things and ran because that was what felt the easiest for me at the time.We need to make sure that doesn’t happen again.”
“Agree.”
“It’s going to take time,” I tell him.“To build this back up.”
“If it takes forever, then I’ll be here.”
I lean forward, bringing my lips to his.The exhale of relief, and the growl of satisfaction, makes my skin tingle.Sliding my hand up, I run it down his hair, tangling my fingers in it as I deepen the kiss.He pulls me toward him, still on his knees, and I curl my legs around his body and lean down a little further so we can make this kiss one for the records.
