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“When you snuck out that first time to come to my fight, I knew you would keep doing it. I also knew you would get beaten each time you did. The fights weren’t safe, you knew that, but I could see how much you loved the environment in your eyes. It’s why I had my friends make sure a higher-up spot was always cleared for you with them standing guard. I also started taking on more fights as a deal with your father that you could come without repercussions.”
“It didn’t work,” she sighs and shakes her head. “He always still found an excuse to beat me.”
The sadness in her words kill me. I know it didn’t work. No matter what I had tried to get her father to stop, it didn’t work.
“That’s why you would try to keep distance between us and then fail after I called you on your bullshit every time?” she asks, finally realizing what had been going on.
“Of course!” I turn to look at her. “I was fucking in love with you, Emma. I hated seeing you in pain because we were together.”
“Then why did I have to be the one to keep fighting for us every time!” she snarls, her voice reaching a higher octave with her words. She is pissed, and I can’t blame her one bit.
“Mommy?” Alexis’s little voice reaches us from the back seat.
I turn to give Emma a small glare for waking her, while at the same time, she rolls her eyes at me and turns her attention to our daughter. “It’s okay, Alexis. Mommy is sorry for raising her voice. Go back to bed, we aren’t there yet.”
“I promise everything is fine,” I reassure her softly when she looks between us. With a small shrug of her shoulders, she lays her head back down.
Both of us hold our breath and decide to stop talking for a bit until we know for sure she’s asleep again. It doesn’t take long before her little snores can be heard through the cab of the truck.
“We have thirty more minutes until we’re at the house. Do you want to continue or wait?” I’m leaving this decision up to her. Neither of us wants to risk waking Alexis again. She doesn’t deserve to be in the middle of her parents fighting. I also would much rather prefer to start out on her good side and not have her hate me if she doesn’t already. I have no idea what Emma has told her about me or us, but I do intend to find out.
“Let’s wait. It’s not like whatever answer you give me will change anything now. The damage was done long ago, and we’re both just left picking up the pieces.” She turns to look out the window. I can hear the sadness in her voice and every part of me wants to show her just how much it doesn’t belong.
My woman is completely maddening, but I still fucking love her anyway. She is my whole entire world and now so is Alexis. I would still make almost, if not all, of the same choices again because it’s my job to protect her. She may never agree with me, but that’s okay.
Letting her have this moment, I focus on the rest of the drive. When we get to the house, I’ll tell her the rest of the story and the threats her father made that forced my hand. Hopefully, then she will understand the choices I made. If not, maybe I can just fuck her enough that she forgets why she was even mad at me for the last nine years. I’ll help her find her fire once again, and when she does, I’ll stand behind her when she burns down the world. It will be one of the most beautiful sights in the world.
EIGHTEEN
EMMA ~ 11 YEARS AGO
The past two years have been full of ups and downs with Trevor, and I’m finally tired of his bullshit. His hot and cold shit is maddening. One second he wants to be with me and we are inseparable, and then the next he is giving me the cold shoulder and trying to ignore me. It never makes any sense. Over and over again it is the same damn thing. Each time I would start out giving him some space, but when he went on for too long, I’d have to push him around some and remind him that’s not how it worked between us.
Each time it happens, I end up crying myself to sleep, completely miserable that I am all alone. He isn’t just my boyfriend; he is also my only friend or true friend. My so-called friends at school only like me for my family and our money. None of them actually know a damn thing about me. Only Trevor knows me for me.
With the end of the school year coming up in a week, Trevor is on his same old bullshit once again. For the past week, he has been putting distance between us, and I know he is about to pull the same stunt, but I’m not going to have it. In each class we have together he has been dodging me. The end of the day is nearing, and I know I will only have one shot at cornering him. I duck out of my second to last class a few minutes early knowing my teacher doesn’t mind, just so I can wait outside his classroom. I make it across the school with just enough time; the bell rings, right as I get to the door.
Leaning back against the wall to the right of the door, I watch all the students filing out. Trevor is one of the last to leave with his friends. Since they are busy talking, no one notices me following behind them. I luck out that they stop at Trevor's locker and that is when I make my move.
Shoving him forward his body slams against the locker. He turns around, enraged and ready to confront whoever just hit him. When he sees it’s me the anger in his features softens slightly, but I can still see the fire burning in his eyes.
“What the fuck was that, Emma?” he snarls, getting into my face.
“You’re doing the stupid bullshit again, and I’m not having it. Stop pushing me away for whatever stupid reason you’ve concocted in your head.”
I shove his chest, but he doesn’t move an inch. At the same time his eyes flash then he grabs my wrists and pins my hands to his chest. I don’t even try to resist him because I know it would be useless. Trevor is a lot stronger than me, and I wouldn’t stand a chance.
“We are not doing this here,” his voice is low as he glares.
I’m sure he hopes I will back down from the fight, but his words only anger me more. It’s always some kind of excuse, and he never wants to actually face me and talk to me. It’s all a load of horseshit. “No, we're doing this here and now. You can’t keep avoiding me,” I snarl.
“Emma,” he groans, shaking his head.
“I don’t care if we have an audience. It’s the only damn way you’ll talk to me.” I push up onto my tiptoes and get in his face further.
“Fine.” He lets go of my wrists and grasps my bicep pulling me behind him. He checks the classroom closest to us on the left, and when he sees no one inside, he pulls me in behind him. “Talk,” he growls as he releases me and leans against the teacher's desk with crossed arms.
“Why do you keep fucking pushing me away?” My voice wavers as I try to hold back tears. It is easier to hold on to my anger when surrounded by people. Being in this classroom with just us, my anger is already waning.
