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“Creed,” Gunner calls out quietly as he opens and closes the door to my room.
“Don’t,” I shout, pointing at him. I don’t need to hear any of it, not unless the words coming out of his mouth are that she’s gone.
“I just came to make sure you were good,” he says with a sigh, taking a seat on the corner of my mattress. “I know this isn’t going to be good. It’s not good for any of us.”
“Good,” I huff, chuckling darkly. “There’s absolutely nothinggoodabout this situation.”
“Look, Creed. I’m here to make sure you don’t slip up, and you know it,” he retorts, staring at me in the way I’ve always hated. Like he’s seeing right through me, looking for the signs of relapse.
“If you get that cunt out of here, we won’t have an issue,” I grunt, clenching and unclenching my fists as I try to gain control of myself.
Inhale. Exhale.
I remind myself to breathe over and over until I can feel the rage inside me coming back down to a manageable level.
I have to get out of here. I need to breathe. To get away from the chaos that follows.
Without a word, I turn, heading to the door and walking out of my room. I don’t look twice as I walk through the living area to the front door of the suite. I don’t bother to glance at our guests, just move right past them, open the door, and slam it shut behind me as I leave. I couldn’t look at their faces. Hell, I can’t even look at any of our security guys right now. In my eyes, all of Rockport Security is dirty. They have been the best company we’ve ever had, but if I have my say, we will be replacing them immediately. The company betrayed all of us. I’m betting part of why the label got such a good deal on them is because the cunt made it so.
Just focus on your breathing and getting outside. An open space, far away from the chaos, that’s all you need, Creed.
I remind myself of the training my rehab center instilled in me. They knew the chaos would push me over the edge, and I used the drugs to find a calming safe place to shut my mind off. One of the tricks they taught me, instead, was yoga and meditation. To this day, I still hate the music, and even the poses, but the breathing has stuck with me and is my go-to when I feel overwhelmed, like I’m spiraling.
I follow the long red-checkered hallway carpet until I hit the white and gray tile in front of the elevators. Hitting the button, I wait for the elevator to reach the tenth floor of the hotel where we are staying. I’m sure, any second now, either Gunner or Sebastian are going to show up, thinking that they need to watch me, be with me.
If I didn’t know them so well, I would assume they didn’t trust me. They do. What they don’t trust is my emotions...And honestly, neither do I. All of us could use a breather, a break from the shitshow our hotel room turned into.
Alexandra better clean this mess up quickly.
“Bro,” Sebastian grumbles, coming to a stop beside me right as the elevator doors “bing”before they open.
“I already told Gunner; I’m fine. I just need some air to go through my breathing exercises,” I explain, rolling my eyes as I step inside the doors.
“I’m just along for the ride. I need away from that damn room and the woman who ruined us all. Gunner said he would handle it.” Bas shrugs, stepping in beside me.
The two of us ride in silence. The only noise comes from the rattling of cables as the elevator car makes its way down to the first floor. When the doors open, we enter the large, overbearing lobby. The hotel we were set up in was high-end and five stars, the lobby showing it with its large chandeliers and fancy armchairs, and if the floor wasn’t real marble, it was certainly an impressive imitation. I make a right off the elevator and follow the signs I saw when we first arrived that pointed toward an indoor garden. I learned a while ago that very few people come to areas like this. Hotels add it as an extra amenity, but it rarely gets used. Mostly it gets placed in the brochure to convince people to come but that’s the extent.
Just as I anticipated, as I get to the garden, I start to relax, and I sigh as the tension leaves my body. I spot a bench a little further down and head in that direction, knowing there should be an open area nearby. I’m right, and I see it was right in the center of the garden area. There are several trees nearby that help provide privacy and a calming, natural atmosphere. The rest of the area is filled with large bushes and flowers. All the scents are a little overwhelming, but it would have to do. Out of the corner of my eye, I see Bas taking a seat on the bench. I knew he’d be content to stay there while I did what I needed.
Taking a seat on the cold hard cement, I close my eyes and will my shoulders to unscrunch themselves.
Inhale.
Exhale.
Inhale.
Exhale.
Eventually, my mind starts to clear as I push away all the thoughts I can’t control, expelling them, instead choosing to focus on what I can control.
I can’t control Sky being here. I can’t control the fact she left us five years ago. I can’t control that someone killed Ezra in cold blood or that someone is stalking us.
So what can I control? How I react to the situation. I can take the high road and hold my head up, meeting the challenge head-on. I don’t have to speak with Sky or be anywhere near her. The label wants her to play with us? Fine. She can stay in her own room, far away from the rest of us anytime we’re not in practice or playing a tour show, and even then I don’t have to look at or speak to her. The cold shoulder is exactly what I’ll give her if Gunner doesn’t figure out how to get rid of her. Maybe then, if she sees how unwelcome she is, she will just quit, and we won’t have to worry about anything.
That idea sounds the best. There are a million and one guitarists in this world. We can pick another, teach them, and train them to be what we need for the band. If they’re good enough, it shouldn’t be hard to learn our music. They only need to know the new stuff mostly. It’s easy to change the set list for the tour, it really wouldn’t be an issue at all.
I[3]don’t know how long I’ve been sitting here with my eyes closed to breathe and clear my mind, but it’s been long enough that my ass had gone numb a good while ago, but I still don’t move. I just continue to sit here and breathe. I have a feeling it’s something I am going to be doing a lot more.
