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A boyfriend.
God, no.
At my expression, Mia choked on an unfunny laugh. “Don’t freak out. I’m not saying that suddenly we’re dating.”
“Good, because that’s never been on the cards,” I retorted.
She forced a smile, but it was tinged in pain. “Exactly. And that’s why I stopped that kiss. I don’t think I can separate out sex and emotions, and in the space of a week, I’m in danger of getting attached to you. You’ve done nothing wrong, you told me exactly what you wanted, so I know this is all on me. If you wanted a relationship?—”
“I don’t,” I said fast.
“Right. Which is what I thought. Then we can’t kiss.”
I breathed in through my nose, a clusterfuck of emotion hitting me. This was going wrong. Badly. I didn’t know how to stop it. “We laid this all out. Ye told me ye didn’t want a boyfriend.”
“That was the case, but my mind has changed. Probably because I met such a great guy who gave me a model for exactly what I wanted.”
“I…didn’t know I was doing that.” Fuck. Fuck everything.
“I’m sure you didn’t. Which leaves you and me as friends. It can’t be more unless it’s leading to more. Do you understand?” She held her ground, not meeting my gaze now, but pouring meaning into her words. “I can’t tell you how grateful I am, and how much your friendship means to me, but please understand why I’m putting this boundary in place. I’ve known too much pain in my life, and if we do anything else, I’ll give you the power to hurt me. I know you don’t want that.”
“I don’t—” My flare of emotion crackled and burned to a crisp. “The last thing I’d ever want to do is hurt ye.”
She waited me out. I took a breath, digging my fingers into my hair with the realisation of what she was saying. Not everyone was like me. Not everyone could handle casual sex.
I cared about Mia, and Tobi, too. I wanted them to be happy here, so what the hell was I doing, readying an argument to prove her wrong?
I swallowed rocks and faked a smile. “You’re right. I shouldn’t have gone there. It’s my bad. I’ll keep my hands to myself.”
Mia blew out a breath and straightened her shoulders, finally meeting my eye. Under the brights, she was golden. So fucking pretty.
“Great. Then we’re friends.” She stuck out her hand for me to shake.
A fucking handshake. But I still took it, giving her what she needed, an out-of-body experience guiding me now.
Tobi ran into the kitchen, thrilled with some new discovery that she dragged her mother off to see.
Leaving me in their wake.
“Ye okay?” Ben asked. “If ye need to talk, I’m here.”
He sounded like he used to when we were kids. In boarding school when he could’ve ignored his three-years-younger brother, he hadn’t. He’d looked out for me. Helped me fight my battles. I hadn’t heard that voice in years.
“Never better,” I said.
And I meant it. Everything had worked out for Mia, and that was all that mattered anyway.
Chapter 14
Mia
Children’s laughter mixed with shouts of joy, the school playground full with the new term starting. Tobi clung to my hand, her other arm looped through Avery’s. At the far end of our little chain, Avery’s mother threw me a reassuring smile.
Once I’d been told who she was, I felt like such an idiot. Of course I recognised her. Elise was a freaking movie star. But more, a new friend in the making, like the half dozen other ladies I’d been talking to and getting to know.
My girl chat group was an absolute hoot. Also an eye-opener. The women hadn’t been kidding when they said they openly discussed all manner of topics. Motherhood, work, and sex were all up for grabs. I was learning fast.
“Inside the entrance is the going home book,” Elise told me with a gesture to the open classroom door. “If you write my and Cameron’s names in there, we’ll be able to pick up Tobi for play dates.”
