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“Aren’t we just?” Her words ride a self-deprecating laugh. “Okay, I’m going to ask, and find a way to deal with the answer, whatever it is.” After releasing my hand, she takes another deep breath, but appears no more relaxed upon exhaling.
Unease is another new sensation for me. This one is not pleasurable.
“Have you—” A small rumble rises from her throat as she shakes her hands where they hang at her sides. “Have you had sex with a lot of humans?”
“That is the question causing you distress?”
“Yes,” she says. “And the fact that you didn’t give me your usual straightforward answer and a distinct number isn’t helping alleviate the feeling.”
“I will supply the information you requested, but it has no relevance.”
“Oh, great, it’s a big number. And because I said I’d try to be more direct, by ‘great,’ I mean not great at all. Because it’s a human thing to say the opposite of what we mean.”
Breathing is not necessary for me, but at this moment, I mimic the deep intake and release of air I have watched Dela do. It has no effect on me. Why I thought it might when it does little for her, I do not know. Perhaps the combination of new emotions and the renewed push of voices seeking fulfilment of revenge have affected my logic.
“I have had no human sexual partners.”
Her eyes open wide, then reduce to narrow slits. “This morning, you said many humans have been curious about having sex.”
“That does not mean I satisfied their curiosity.”
Brightness returns to her eyes, only to be clouded again within seconds. “But you’ve had sex with non-humans?”
“Yes. With other demons in hell.”
“That might be even worse,” she says, turning her attention toward the street.
“I do not understand why this information is causing you discomfort.” When she responds with a slight shake of her head, I gather her chin in my hand and gently direct her face to meet mine. “I have existed for as long as humans have inhabited the earth, and in that time, have engaged in activities normal for my kind.”
“I know. Of course. I’m being oversensitive, worrying about things that are none of my business, making things about me when they’re not, like I always do. I’m sorry, I know it’s annoying.”
“Vengeance demons do not get annoyed.” I wait for her to laugh or smile, as she has the other times I’ve made such comments, but it does not happen. “As you have expressed an intent to be more direct, I will try to communicate in a way that is less ‘statement of fact,’ while remaining truthful. For eons, I have existed. With you, I am living. I have engaged in activities normal for my kind. For you, I feel desire. I wish to please you, to see you smile, to hear you laugh. I wish to protect you from all that could cause you harm or unhappiness. I had no wishes for these things—no wishes of any kind—until you. There is no comparison between the time before you and this time with you.”
A choked gasp leaves her parted lips.“Raz,”she whispers, beaming up at me.
“Are you at ease now?” I ask, lowering my hands and clasping one of hers.
“How could I not be after that? Thank you for being patient with me. I didn’t mean to unpack all my emotional baggage.” She looks up at me as we resume walking. “I’m probably the worst first date ever.”
“I am not dissatisfied.”
The sound of her laughter is lighter than the air it inhabits. “I’m lucky you haven’t had any other first dates.”
“Nor will I have any other.”
“You believe that?”
“Yes.” Simple and straightforward is not the type of answer she wants. Humans prefer more words. Only for her am I willing to use them. “I never sought human companionship. I did not give thought to humans at all, beyond answering their need for revenge and fulfilling my purpose. One day, I was drawn to town, to the coffee shop. I had never been inside and could think of no explanation for my urge to enter. Vengeance demons do not act impulsively. Then I saw you and experienced a sense of lightness. Vengeance demons do not feel things, and I did not realize then that the sensation you invoked was an emotion, as I do now. But I knew you were the reason I had been drawn there. Though I could find no logical reason for it, I continued to visit, to have those few minutes with you.”
“Maybe I’m just the beginning of a change within you. It’s possible you’ll be drawn to someone else. It happens. I hope it won’t, but it might, since it happened with me.”
“It will not. I cannot give you factual proof, only that I know.”
“That’s good enough for me,” she says, leaning her head against my arm as we continue down the street. She halts our movement in front of a bakery and points to its large, protruding window showcasing shining trays of small edible items of varying sizes and appearances. “Have you ever had the spicy scones Amazra makes? They’re made with Carolina reaper peppers and cinnamon. Way too high on the Scoville scale for me, but I always think of you when I see them.”
She thinks of me while shopping. Dreams of me. Touches and kisses me without caring who sees. This delicate, perfect woman chooses me when she could have any other. It makes no sense. However long or short a time this lasts, I will do all that is possible to make her happy. Revealing another simple truth will do that, as it provides an opportunity for her to share her enthusiasm with me.
“I have not been inside this establishment.”
