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He’s right about one thing. I don’t want them seeing me like this. I wash up quickly, not stopping until the water in the sink is clear instead of a murky brownish red. I run my wet hands through my hair, hoping to settle it down a little. By the time I’m finished, there are quick, soft footsteps coming down thehall that runs in front of the cells. I can hear my sister’s short, breathless gasp before I see her. She takes hold of the bars, gripping them tight enough for her knuckles to stand out light against her skin.
Before she can say anything, she’s cut off. “Luna.” Dad’s voice is sharp. I don’t know why he’s scolding her or whether he thinks I’m dangerous. I only know her face falls before she looks at the floor. Mom and Dad join her, with Dad keeping an arm around Mom’s waist. She’s leaning against him, one hand on his chest, and her face crumples when our eyes meet.
Now I know what an animal in a zoo feels like. That’s how they’re staring at me. Like I’m an animal. Like they don’t know me, like I’m some predator. An almost sick impulse bubbles up close to the surface, so close it would be easy to give into it. I should give them what they want. I should be the monster they expect me to be.
“Hello,” I mutter, sitting on the cot again. Why are they looking at me like that? I know what I’ve done, yes, but of all people, I would expect them to understand. They know what I came from. Where I was before they took me and Luna in. They know the hell I went through.
“How are you feeling?” Mom whispers. Her chin quivers, but she tightens her jaw like she’s fighting off her emotions.
“Oh, I’m in great shape.” I flex my right hand, where my knuckles are bruised, if not bloody, anymore.
“We know you didn’t mean it.” There’s a catch in Luna’s voice, but what grabs my attention is the way Dad stiffens all at once. When she looks up at him, he shakes his head slightly with his brows drawn together.
“What are you talking about?” I look at them one at a time, searching for answers. It’s like we’re having two different conversations here, and I don’t understand why.
“The things you’ve done.” Dad’s voice is tight, stern, but I hear something else in it. Sadness? I guess that makes sense. I’m sure they’ve heard all about how I betrayed Q and everybody else. This shouldn’t come as a surprise.
“I had my reasons.” When the three of them stare at me, I shrug. “I don’t know what else I’m supposed to say. I did what I had to do.”
“Oh, Ren…” Mom turns her head and presses her face against Dad’s chest. Her full-body shudder makes my chest go tight.
“And what about… River?” Dad asks.
“We worked together.” He winces like he’s in pain, making me ask, “Well? You wanted to know. He got out of there, the way I did, and we decided to do what nobody else would. We have to put an end to it, all of it. Don’t you understand?” It’s so obvious to me.
“You don’t remember what happened to him?” Luna’s face crumples before she sniffles loudly. “You really don’t?”
“Why does everybody keep asking me things like that? Why won’t you listen to me?” I feel it happening. The heat, the rage, it wants to claim me. There is nothing more frustrating than trying to defend myself when nobody wants to listen. “Stop looking at me like I’m crazy!” I shout when the three of them do exactly that. They’re sorry for me. They might be afraid of me.
Dad’s throat works as he swallows hard, then tightens his grip on Mom. “We’re going to get you the help you need,” he murmurs before putting his other arm around Luna and gently but firmly turning her away from the cell before leading them both away. “We’re going to help you.”
I can’t believe this. How did they all get this idea about me? Why are they so eager to believe it? Like they’ve already made up their minds.
Why can’t I remember what happened after I fought with Scarlet?
No. I don’t want to think about that now. My head’s pounding again, hard enough to make my stomach churn. I glance toward the toilet, wondering if I’m going to throw up, though I can’t remember the last time I ate. How do I not remember that? There’s a huge, blank space in my memory. I know I ate at the hotel, but when was the last time I did? I can’t even remember what it was that I ate.
I don’t want to think about it, but I have to. I have to force myself through it, the pain and the confusion and the questions. The more I try to remember, the more holes I find in my memory. What happened before I woke up at the cabin alone? What happened so many times when I woke up with no memory of going to sleep?
It’s like a seed has been planted in me and it’s starting to sprout and take root. It grows quickly, spreading through me, filling me with something as close to fear as I’ve ever known. Not the kind of fear I lived with when I was a kid at Safe Haven. This is the sort of fear that’s a lot stronger and deeper, because for once, I’m not afraid of an outsider. Somebody bigger and stronger.
I’m afraid of myself.
What if they’re right? What if there’s really something wrong with me?
I rack my brain, going back to all the times I talked to River, all the times I’ve seen him. I never understood how he got into Corium, how he got in and out without anyone noticing, and until now, I never really questioned it either. Could it really have been all in my head?
Everyone I’ve ever trusted seems to be so sure River only exists in my mind. Maybe it’s time I believe it too.
10
SCARLET
This is killing me. Knowing that Ren is downstairs, locked up in a cell by himself, and my father won’t let me see him. I’ve done pretty much all the begging I can handle; nothing worked. My father won’t budge, no matter how many times I ask.
I’m back to pacing my room. I’ve been walking from one side to the other for so long. I’m surprised there aren’t foot tracks in my carpet yet. Running my hand through my too long hair, I think about a plan to see Ren. Maybe I can distract the guard, or I could possibly get my mom to help. I need to do something or I’m going to go crazy.
I’m about to go talk to my mom when the sound of a car approaching the front door has me stopping in my tracks. I walk toward my window quickly to see who is arriving. A silver sedan pulls up right in front of the door and cuts the engine. A moment later, the driver’s door opens, and Dr. Stone steps out of the car. Immediately, I perk up. She has to be here for Ren. She is going to talk to him, and I’m going to be there.
