AllFreeNovel
Share Us
I dip my head down and place a chaste kiss on his cheek. “Kissing you goodnight.”
He looks at me in surprise but doesn't say anything as I straighten back up and make my way across the room. “I love you,” I tell him without turning around, before opening the door and slipping out of the room. He might not care about hearing it, but I’ll say it no matter what.
24
SCARLET
The bright, glaring sunshine streaming through my bedroom window is like a sad joke. Mother Nature is making fun of me. Rubbing it in by reminding me how beautiful the world can be when inside, I feel nothing but darkness as I go through the motions of brushing my teeth and getting dressed.
Always, the same question rolls through my head like a wave. Who will I see today? Ren or River?
It’s almost too much for me to wrap my head around the morning after being with River. Does Ren know? Is it cheating to sleep with somebody when they’re only the other half of the same person you’ve loved for as long as you can remember? Because I hardly remember a time when Ren wasn’t important to me, and River was inside him all along. Even if neither of us knew it. But does that make me innocent, or is it only a convenient loophole? It’s not like I initiated things. I only wish I knew that would calm Ren down if he’s hurt.
He had an appointment scheduled with Dr. Stone today, and by the time I approach Ren’s room, she’s coming out. There’s nothing in her expression to give me a clue how things went — not that she would go into specifics. I wouldn’t ask her to, either,no matter how much I wish she would. I can’t invade the privacy of their sessions.
That leaves me with nothing to do but offer her a tight smile that doesn’t last very long. “Who did you see today?” I ask, glancing toward the closed door. “Is he Ren or River?” And did he tell you what he did to me yesterday?
The doctor’s kind eyes soften before she pats my arm. “Ren. I spoke to Ren. He seems all right today.”
I can practically taste my relief, while my body loosen a little now that some of the tension can drain away. “Okay. That’s good to know.” I can breathe easier as I continue down the hall, then knock gently at the closed door. I still have to be careful. It’s one thing for Ren to behave himself while he’s talking to the doctor, but she’s not the one who betrayed him yesterday – if he sees it as a betrayal.
He only grunts in response to my knock. He has to know it’s me. Once again, a sense of dread washes over me and I open the door with my heart in my throat. How much more of this roller coaster can I take?
He’s sitting on the foot of the bed, and nearby is a small armchair. The doctor must have pulled closer to him before they started their session. I move slowly towards it, trying to read him as I cross the room. “How did the session go?” I wish I didn’t sound so nervous, but I can’t help it. I don’t know what to expect. He could be Ren right now, but River tends to take control at the drop of a hat.
“What, the doctor didn’t tell you all about it?” The resentment hanging heavy in his voice is a hand wrapping itself around my heart and squeezing tight. He knows. I feel it. And right away, I am almost overcome by the impulse to apologize and beg his forgiveness.
“You know there’s only so much she can tell me. I’m not trying to pry.” Maybe it’s not such a great idea to sit close tohim, but I’m not going to run away in fear. I love him too much for that.
Once I’m perched carefully in the chair, he lifts his head and hits me with a flat stare. There is so much swirling in his dark eyes. “So, was it fun? Did you enjoy yourself?”
I will not cry. I won’t shrink away, either. “What do you mean?”
“He left me a note. River. He told me what you two did.” All at once he almost jumps to his feet, and I lean back in the chair when instinct tells me to stay out of his way. I will not run. I am not going to run away from him, now or ever. Still, he’s not making it easy to stay put while he walks around clenching and unclenching his fists.
“I can explain,” I offer in a whisper.
“Oh, you can explain. Like that’s going to change anything.” His snide laughter is so much like River’s, it makes me shudder.
“It won’t change anything, but it might help you understand. I bet he made it sound like I went running to him or something because we had a fight. Right? He probably tried to rub it in your face.” I’ve already been through all of this in my head, practicing it in bed while I knew he was busy in his session. It's like a script by now, something I’ve memorized and can rattle off, even while he stares at me with so much pain etched across his handsome face. Practice was the only way I knew I could get through this.
Though even now, it’s not easy to keep my head held high under the weight of his accusatory stare. “That’s not how it was at all. He turned into River during our fight.”
He turns his back on me, staring out the window. “Is that when you told him about the baby?”
All the air in my lungs rushes out of me at once. That bastard. “He told you about that,” I whisper while my heart breaks.
“Do you think maybe I deserved to hear about it?”
“I only told him…” A tear slips down my cheek and I rub it away, my voice breaking before I manage to catch my breath and try again. “I told him because I guess I was hoping I could protect myself that way. I wasn’t trying to keep it from you, seriously. You have to believe me.”
“What about now?” I catch his profile, silhouetted against the glaring sunlight when he turns his head to the side. “Would you have told me about the baby if he hadn’t forced your hand? What are we going to do?”
“We don't have to worry about it. I was wrong.” Not now. Please, not now. I don’t want to break down. I don’t want to make this more complicated. And for all I know, the sight of me weeping could bring River to the surface. He seems to enjoy it when I’m in pain.
“So you're not pregnant?” I wish I could tell whether he’s glad or not.
My head swings back and forth before I manage to speak. “I assumed I was, that’s all. But I took a test, and it was negative. So there goes that.”
