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Again, I do as she asks. I reach with the door knob and open the door, pushing it open until I see River on the other side. I used to see him in my head all the time, hallucinating, FaceTime, timing and talking on the phone, but since the doctor started me on medication, those hallucinations have become obsolete.
“Do you see him?” The doctor questions.
“Yes.”
“Good, now tell him what you would usually write in your notebook. Tell him how you feel and what you want him to do.”
“I just want him to be happy or at least content with what we accomplished. Rebecca is dead and so is her son. We’re alive, and been forgiven by the people who we love the most. That needs to be enough.”
it will never be enough.River tells me in my mind.
“It has to be,” I add. “I’ll do whatever it takes to make you understand.” Because that’s the only chance I have for a happy ending.
29
SCARLET
There is nothing like waking up next to the man I love. It’s something so simple, and I’d bet so many people take it for granted. It’s easy to do that when you’ve never seen the way everything can change all at once. It’s easy to lose sight of everything that could go wrong.
But nothing is wrong now. Ren is getting better every day, and he’s not afraid to have me around him anymore. I stretch with a smile, throwing my arms over my head and even groaning happily. There is nothing in the world like a good stretch after a long night’s sleep.
I am about to announce this to Ren before my eyes open and I find myself alone.
All of the warmth and happiness I just soaked in turns icy cold. “Ren?” I whisper, my heart in my throat. When nothing greets me but silence I scramble out of the bed, pulling on the jeans and tee I left on the floor last night before crawling in next to him. What if he turned into River and is walking around the house, wanting to hurt somebody? Is there ever going to be a time when I don’t fear that? Once I’m dressed, I race for the door and fling it open.
And then I jump back, yelping in surprise to see Ren standing on the other side. From the looks of it, he was about to reach for the door knob to come inside. He jumps a little, too, and we have one of those moments where we both stand around with our hands on our chest, catching our breath and laughing.
“Sorry,” he chuckles, wincing. “I didn’t mean to scare you.”
“It’s okay.” More than okay. All of my fears dissolve when I find him smiling, looking like the Ren I fell in love with. “I woke up and you weren’t here, and I didn’t know what to think.”
“Oh, that. I was coming in to tell you everything’s set up.”
Suspicion winds its way through me. “What do you mean, everything?”
“Come see.” He holds out his hand. I don’t have to think twice before taking it and following him downstairs, even if I’m not quite sure what is happening. But this is Ren, and I trust Ren, and besides we’re in my family’s house. There are guards everywhere.
It’s a balmy, beautiful morning, with a warm breeze that stirs my hair once we step out onto the terrace. Ren has set up breakfast for us at one of the tables set up by the railing leading to the garden. “Sort of like a date, right?” he asks, pulling me close for a sweet kiss. I love the way he smiles down at me. Sort of boyish, proud of himself for surprising me.
“This is amazing,” I tell him, beaming as I look over the table full of food. The scent of cinnamon and sugar makes my mouth water, something that only gets worse when he lifts the lid off a platter full of bacon. “Oh, my God, I need that.”
“Wow. I didn’t know you’d get this excited.” He chuckles as he pulls a chair out for me to take a seat. “There’s orange juice, coffee, french toast and potatoes, too.”
“And you,” I remind him, taking him by the shirt and pulling him down for another kiss before he sits across from me. “Thank you. This is so thoughtful.”
“It’s nothing. I can’t wait to take you out for real.” There’s a little bit of wistfulness in his voice, and I hate to hear it. I don’t want anything to ruin this wonderful morning together.
“I’m just happy to be here with you.” And to see him looking so good and so happy. So much like himself. It’s been days since I last saw River. I can tell he’s relieved by that. It makes him feel more confident. Like he’s not always waiting for something bad to happen.
I can breathe a little easier, too. It’s almost possible to believe we’re going to have a happy ending after everything we’ve been through.
“I didn’t realize I was this hungry,” he mumbles around a mouthful of food. I don’t think I’ve ever seen him shove it in like that. Another thing to be happy about, watching him enjoy himself. I am, too, already eyeing a third slice of French toast when I’ve barely finished the first two.
“That’s how it goes. You take a bite of something delicious, and all of a sudden you need more.”
“Yeah, that sounds familiar.” Something wicked flashes in his eyes when they meet mine. “I shouldn’t be so surprised I’m this hungry after the appetite I worked up overnight.”
That’s all it takes for a delicious little shiver to run down my spine. Maybe he’s trying to prove himself after what I confessed a few days back about how it feels to be with River. I don’t know. I only know there’s something wild in him now. Like he was holding back before but understands he doesn’t have to anymore. Like that part of him was always inside — which it must’ve been, if it manifested in the form of River – only now he can let it out and be his entire self. I guess if nothing else good comes out of all of this, we have that much.
