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He closes his eyes, rubbing his temples in circles. I know better than to push my luck, so I have to stand here and wait for him to speak instead of demanding he give me an answer right away. “Obviously, this is not the time to go into specifics of what this could mean,” Dad murmurs. “What matters now is getting you the care you may need. And I have to agree with you. If you are going to have a baby, Ren deserves to be there with you. That is why he’ll go with you, but you’ll have two guards. No arguments.”
“I’m not arguing.“ Honestly, I didn’t expect him to give in that easily. I’m already calling the gynecologist before I’ve left the room, and soon Ren and I are sitting in the backseat of an SUV, holding hands, both of us too nervous to say much of anything. But it’s a good kind of nerves. I can feel it. I can see it in the way he smiles whenever I catch his eye. I was so scared how he would react when he found out, wasn’t I? But he’s come such a long way since we came back, too.
I’m sure the doctor has seen plenty of girls like me: young, a little scared, completely clueless. All it takes is me peeing in a cup, which I hand over to one of the nurses before heading back into the exam room where Ren is waiting. He offers a hopeful little smile that reminds me everything‘s going to be okay, no matter what the result is. I know I have him. That’s all I’ve ever wanted.
Still, my heart catches and I forget to breathe when the door opens, and the doctor steps in. “Scarlet, the test came back positive. You’re pregnant.”
It’s like the world stops turning for a second. I’m pregnant. I’m really pregnant, the doctor said so. “Oh, my God.” There are tears in my eyes when I turn to Ren, whose mouth is hanging open. He must see how anxious I am to hear his feelings becausehe is quick to pull me close for a tight hug. He’s happy.Oh, thank you, God.
After a brief exam, I lie back on the table while she pulls out the ultrasound equipment. It seems like everything’s happening so fast – just a couple of hours ago I woke up, thinking this was any ordinary day. Now, there’s gel being squirted on my stomach so the three of us can get a look at what’s growing inside me. Our baby.
“There we are.” The doctor is smiling from ear to ear as she moves the wand over my stomach. “There’s your baby. Hear the heartbeat?” For a second there, I thought it was my own heart I was hearing.
All I can do is stare at the screen in wonder with Ren’s hand clutching mine while she taps a keyboard and takes notes. “Based on the measurements here, it looks like you’re around nine weeks along. Still plenty of time to go, but you and baby seem healthy. Congratulations.”
Finally, I’m able to tear my gaze away from the image on the screen so I can look at Ren. He’s still staring, his face full of wonder as he gazes at what we created together. “Congratulations,” I whisper, squeezing his hand. All he does is beam and release a tiny laugh. It’s the happiest I’ve ever heard him.
30
REN
“So, how are we feeling today?” Dr. Stone folds her hands in her lap and wears a knowing smile. I still get the feeling she knows more about me than I do. Even after all these weeks of sitting with her and opening myself up, I haven’t gotten used to it.
“Pretty much the same as our last session.” It amazes me that I don’t feel threatened anymore. I did for so long, nervous and afraid to share secrets I held inside for years. Now it’s like we’re having a normal conversation. Just two people sitting around, shooting the shit. it just so happens one of us is being paid for it.
“Any visits from River lately?”
I hold up one finger, and a stupid as it is, I feel a little proud. “It wasn’t bad. I think I was overwhelmed at the time. It didn’t last long – according to Scarlet, anyway. She said he was there, then he was gone. I barely noticed any time passed.”
“What were you overwhelmed about? What set it off?”
The fact that she has to ask leaves me laughing a little. “I mean, do I need anything else? I’m gonna be a father.”
Her head tips to the side. “I thought you were happy about that?”
“I am,” I tell her right away. There shouldn’t be any doubt about that. “But it’s a lot. It’s overwhelming.”
“But not in a bad way?”
Shaking my head, I tell her, “Oh, no. Not in a bad way at all. I mean, it’s not like I planned this. It’s not the kind of thing you grow up imagining happening. But it’s a good thing. It’s really good.”
She sighs like she’s relieved. “That’s wonderful. I’m happy for both of you. This is a nice, fresh beginning. New life.”
I know what she’s saying. I completely agree. But… “I wonder if I can be a good parent after everything I went through.”
“You’ve never had anything but positive things to say about Sophie and Roman. Have you been holding something back?”
I see where she’s going with this and I have to laugh softly at myself when I look at it that way. “No, they’re great. They did more for me and Luna than they had to, for sure.”
“That’s what parents do. That’s what you’re going to do for your child. Focus on those good things we’ve talked about. Use the techniques we’ve developed to work through those moments of uncertainty, when you’re feeling the most agitated or confused.”
That’s what’s been getting me through lately. “Right. Thank you. I just needed to talk it out, I guess.”
“How far along is Scarlet now?”
“Twelve weeks. First trimester over, and she was hardly aware.”
The doctor chuckles softly. “Lucky girl. Everything’s going well?”
