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It took me several days to find my own strength. I was due at the Academy, but I refused to go. The grief was overwhelming and it was difficult to know which way to turn. Meanwhile, Rozier had written to my mother, telling her that I was more than welcome to stay on with him for a few more days once things calmed down a bit. Yet, it was her response that prompted me to take action.
September 17, 1838
My Dear Thomas,
Your father and I miss you terribly and want you to come home. I will not lie to you. Things here are not the same. Jeyne’s absence has affected us all. There is a sadness that blankets the place and some of us are having a hard time managing our own minds. Lizzie, for her part, is suffering from what Dr. Mason can only describe as a broken heart.She hardly gets out of bed and won’t eat. He gave her a remedy to help her sleep but it does little good. Who’s to say when this melancholy will break for her, if ever. Through all of this, your father has come to deeply regret his actions. He realizes now that he acted presumptuously and without thought to how this action of his would impact the household. His pride has no doubt suffered and he, too, has been a melancholy. But life must go on despite it all. There is still a plantation to run. For Mr. Rozier’s part, he has been more than generous in his hospitality towards you. The prolonged presence of an unexpected guest can cause undue stress on a man’s family, even one as open as Mr. Rozier’s. Please come home, Thomas. Your presence is greatly needed.
Love, Mother
In the end, Joseph did give me the name of the slave trader but he warned me that finding Jeyne would be a long and arduous task, one that would test my resolve like nothing else. Slave traders moved around quite frequently, he said, and from city to city, always on the lookout for the next set of slaves to capture and resell. In my mind, I was ready, no matter how long it took, but deep down inside I knew Joseph was right. So, I returned to Bellevue, lost and forever broken.
I finally returned to the Academy but it was quite clear to everyone around me that a major shift had occurred. I was no longer happy and carefree. My studies were suffering and I cared very little for anything that did not involve finding Jeyne. I hardly ate or slept and avoided conversation as much as possible. The grief had settled in and was slowly finding a permanent place in my soul.
And then it arrived, the letter I had been expecting from Uncle David. Mother had sent it along with her monthly care package filled with fruit preserves, a woven shirt, books and a new leather diary. His response was all that mattered at one point, but now with Jeyne gone, there wasn’t a future to plan for. Yet, I still read his letter with anticipation and curiosity.
September 27, 1838
Dear Thomas,
What a welcome surprise to hear from you! As timing would have it, your Aunt Catherine and I had just spoken of you only days before. We trust you are doing well. From the urgency in your letter, I suspect you have very little time to waste so I will save our family news for another time. As my only nephew, you know I will extend to you anything you ask. You are sixteen and Jeyne, I suspect, not far behind, which means a difficult time of transition for any young man and woman, especially with slavery as the backdrop. Yet, you must also understand the gravity of your request. As you are aware, your father and I have not spoken for some time now. Any actions I take to assist you with your matter will only further deepen the rift between us and cause even more hurt feelings, of this I am sure.
Naturally, there is no Christian duty more insisted upon in scripture than honesty and obedience to parents. Yet, there is also a duty to do all that is right and good, and from the situation you described, you have chosen to do what is right. Therefore, if you are still inclined to embark upon such a journey after receiving this letter (which I believe you are), the road, ironically, starts not too far from the slave blocks of New Orleans. If you are absolutely sure in this endeavor, you will need assistance. Find Shamrock Tavern and speak to Mr. Harold Randall about your situation and no one else. From there, you will be given further instructions. I have already written to him and told him to expect your arrival.
Love,
Uncle David
After my studies, I left New Orleans and returned to Bellevue for the Christmas break, and watched as the long, winter days settled in. As for my father, he was less adamant in his approach with me, but even in the silences, his position remained the same: I was to accept Jeyne’s absence and wipe her from my memory. The days passed and I found I could do neither. Staying on at Bellevue, the place I had called home, was only going to get harder. And so, following the holidays, I left Bellevue with Jeb in tow, and set sail on a ship bound for Boston to live with my Uncle David with no intention of ever returning.
Slavery was my enemy and it stood to reason that the Abolitionist Movement was to be my weapon, not only against the world but against my father. I would join the Movement and use it in my quest to not only help slaves who had escaped to freedom, but to find Jeyne, the woman I loved. It would be a difficult task, even an impossible one perhaps, but I was determined to try.
I had no choice.
