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I made quick work of my journey to the kitchen and jogged upstairs to Kierra’s bedroom, where I found her cigarettes. I paused when I noticed the picture frame on her nightstand. It was a picture of her and Rory on his motorcycle, smiling like two people who were young, wild, free, and in love. Her gold wedding band was tucked in the corner of the frame. Suddenly, I was overcome with unexplainable guilt. I felt like I took something that wasn’t mine—that I hadn’t earned, and I wondered if I was enough for her.
I’m not like Rory. In fact, I’m the complete opposite. I’m boring Jonathan Baker, whose idea of fun is watching a documentary on fungi while sipping on a glass of top-shelf bourbon.
I couldn’t keep Eliza. She’d become bored with me and looked for companionship somewhere else.
But that’s not a fair comparison. Kierra is nothing like Eliza. I guess only time will tell.
“I thought you got lost in this big ol’ house, but it’s so much worse,” Kierra said from the doorway. I jumped from the unexpected intrusion and replaced the photo on the nightstand.
“I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to snoop,” I apologized.
“Don’t apologize. It’s okay, Jon,” she whispered, walking into her bedroom wearing one of my dress shirts that made me hard again.
I ignored my hard-on and observed her body language instead. She appeared relaxed, as if all her worries and stress melted away, leaving behind lightness that made her move as graceful as a trained dancer. She picked up the frame and kissed it, replacing it with a small smile before retrieving the cigarettes. She placed one between her lips and lit it.
“I want to say something, and I don’t want you to say anything back. Can you do that for me?”
“Yes,” I agreed.
“One day, when the grief is gone, and my mourning has been put to bed, I’m gonna love the fuck outta you. I hope you’re ready.” My mouth dropped open as she sauntered out of the bedroom. “Hurry up, Jon. I found this documentary on Netflix about fungi. You might find it boring, but do you know how many species of mushrooms there are in the world?”
“Approximately 14,000,” I answered with a smile.
She paused and looked at me over her shoulder. “How did you know?”
I shrugged nonchalantly. “Just a lucky guess,” I suppose.
* * *
I groaned when I felt tapping on my shoulder. I wrapped my arm tighter around Kierra and buried my face in her hair. The tapping intensified as I begrudgingly roused from my sleep.
“Dad!”
I jolted awake and looked over my shoulder to find four wide-eyed children.
Holy shit. What time is it?
The clock on my nightstand read 9:07 in the morning. I turned back to Kierra and was grateful the sheet covered her nudity.
“Dad, we’re late for school,” Grant said.
“I’m hungry,” Casey added.
“Cereal,” Daisy chimed in.
My eyes ticked towards Kiyah, but all I received from her was a blank expression. I could only imagine what was running through her little mind.
“Okay. We’re late for school and work, so we’ll have a mental health day and stay home.” The boys cheered at the notion that they didn’t have to get dressed in their preppy school uniforms and could play all day.
“I want you all to find your shoes so we can get donuts. Casey, help Daisy with her shoes, okay?”
“Can we stay in our pajamas?” Casey asked.
“Whatever you want. I’ll be down in a second.”
My kids shuffled out of the room, but Kiyah remained, still staring at me as if she were judging me.
“C’mon, Ki,” Grant said, returning to retrieve her. He ushered her out of the bedroom, but not before she threw me one more puzzled look over her shoulder.
