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Being woken by water rushing into my lungs has left me battling memories I’ve tried hard to forget. Pushing them away just makes them roll back in, like driftwood on the inward tide.
I stare at Kallum’s head as he leads the way up the overgrown road, cutting through the dark forest around us, and I realize with dread that his throwing me over the side wasn’t the worst thing that happened. It’s not even the fact that my three enemies now know how much the water terrifies me. It’s that when Kallum picked me up, though I was only vaguely aware of being drawn into strong arms, I felt safe for the first time since I was a child.
One of them made me feel safe.
I could blame whatever else was in that sachet he gave me on the boat, but I think it would be a lie.
I look at the ground that I can barely see, trying to pick my way through fast enough that Dane doesn’t have to pull me because when he yanks the rope, it sends me sprawling, and his cutting laugh makes me want to reach deep and just …
I lock the dark thoughts away. I need to stay strong. I can’t let it worm it’s way in when my defenses are down.
I tell myself that I’m no stranger to hardship, that I can take whatever they mete out because, compared to Varrik and Grith and the others, this isn’t that bad. Whatever their nefarious minds can come up with to torment me will be nothing I can’t handle, nothing I’ve not already experienced in some form or another.
And so, in my oversized shoes that Dane threw down at me at the river, which I suppose I should be grateful for, I follow them as quickly as I can.
We walk for hours, all of us scanning the trees and being as quiet as we can in case there’s anyone or anything lurking.
I heard Dane and Grey talking earlier, and they believe no one will be lying in wait because no one will know the city’s shield is down yet, and we’re ahead of anyone else who got out tonight.
There will be others like us who got stuck when the shield went up seven years ago, but we’re going to be the first to leave. The Cunty Trio has ensured it by leaving Alcana as soon as possible because, once it’s known that the Gate is open, they say that bands of thieves will stake out the roads to catch travelers unawares, at least in the early days.
Our pace is quick, and I’m thankful that my work kept me fit enough to keep up because, no doubt, Dane would love to drag me along the ground behind them.
‘Do you need more pain powder?’ Kallum asks quietly from behind me, making me jump and then stumble with a curse.
When did he move to the back?
Dane doesn’t turn around; he’s gazing intently at some undergrowth by the roadside, and I see a rabbit hop out.
‘Well, do you?’
I realize I haven’t answered. ‘No.’
He sighs but doesn’t press the issue, having likely and correctly assumed that I’ll never voluntarily take anything from him again.
‘I’m sorry about the river.’
I glance back at him and shrug. ‘I knew you’d do it as soon as you saw …’
‘It wasn’t me!’ he hisses as if it’s important I know the truth. ‘Grey did it.’
A traitorous piece of me is glad it wasn’t Kal, and I grimace, turning back to him and leveling him with a dark look.
‘Who it was doesn’t matter. I knew one of you would do it. And I’m sure it’ll be used against me again. You. Grey. Dane. You’re all the same. The same as he was.’
He stops walking at my words, but I don’t look back again. I stare forward and let myself retreat into my mind.
I’m not scared of the things they’ll subject me to, but Kallum somehow did what no one ever had before, he found a chink in my armor, and he knows it.
I’m afraid of the next time we cross a river, but I’m even more scared of Kallum exploiting that crack because he will, and I’m afraid I won’t notice until it’s too late.
It’s better if we all hate each other. It shouldn’t be difficult. I shouldn’t look at Kal and remember how his arms felt around me, how my body responded to his words and actions in that room and on the boat … at least before he drugged me.
‘We’re getting close,’ I hear Grey say, and we go a little slower, all of us scanning the trees and listening intently.
If there’s going to be an ambush, it would happen here.
But no one jumps out of the forest to attack. In front of us, there’s just a small hill with an enormous and ancient stone ring at the top that marks the Gate entrance. I can see it, stark against the rapidly lightening sky behind, and I’m reminded of the first one I ever saw the day my da took me from the Light Realm. It was a gate as giant and bleak as this one … and two days later, he was gone, and I was in Varrik’s hands.
