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‘No, they don’t.’
He sighs, looking up at the ceiling. ‘Remember at home when it got hot in the summer?’ he asks after a moment.
This is the first time we’ve spoken about our time there.
‘Yes,’ I say quietly.
‘We used to all go down to the river to cool off after lessons.’ He glances at me. ‘Why didn’t you ever come?’
I close my eyes. ‘Why do you think I didn’t?’
‘Well, I remember that you and Fiana didn’t get on. She was always crying to Dane about you and the way you were using your skill.’
My brow furrows because I never used my skill at the keep. That’s not how it was at all, but I don’t interrupt. That time is long past now. There’s no point in dwelling on it.
‘Some reckoned you thought you were better than the rest of us,’ he says.
‘And you?’ I prod, wondering what he thought of the human girl who was only allowed with the others during learning time.
‘You always seemed sad to me.’ He shrugs and looks away. ‘I’d leave you flowers on your seat sometimes.’
My mouth drops open with a small gasp as my heart begins to quicken, and I turn to him slowly. ‘That was you?’
He nods and laughs a little ruefully at his admission. ‘I always had this silly idea that they’d make you feel better. Foolish, I know. I don’t think you even noticed them.’
I put my hand over my mouth, tears flooding my eyes again. ‘I did notice them,’ I say, my voice muffled behind my hand.
He rolls his eyes. ‘It was a boy’s ridiculous idea.’
‘It wasn’t,’ I insist.
He shakes his head again. ‘You don’t have to pretend. It was a long time ago. I’m not a silly boy any longer.’
My hand grips his hard so he’ll listen, and he looks down at it in surprise.
‘You don’t understand, and I … I need you to,’ I say vehemently.
I take a steadying breath.
‘After my skill was tested, I was a slave, and I didn’t know it. Varrik rarely let me out of his or his guard’s sights. My days consisted of lessons and time in my room. Almost no one spoke to me but Varrik and,’ I shudder, ‘Grith. Everyone else was l too afraid.’ I frown as I wonder if that was Fiana’s doing, too. ‘At the end of lessons, all of you would go off for free time and do …,’ I shrug. ‘Well, I’m not sure, but you all seemed so excited when the days ended. I would be taken back to the keep. If I hadn’t displeased Grith, I’d be given a meal. Then, if I were lucky, I’d be locked in my room alone until next day’s lessons.’
He stares at me for a long time. ‘What happened if you were unlucky?’ he whispers.
His question takes me by surprise, and for a moment I want to tell him, but I don’t let the words come out. ‘It was a long time ago,’ I say, ‘and it doesn’t matter. Varrik is dead, and hopefully, Grith is too.’
A shadow passes over his face, but it’s gone in a flash.
‘You didn’t come to lessons one day,’ he murmurs. ‘You disappeared, and I never saw you again until the day of the fires.’
I wince, remembering those months well. Varrik had taken me through his personal Gate to a town. Just a normal town. Even if his lies hadn’t already begun to unravel, I could see that this was no slaver stronghold, which was usually how he got me to perform for him. He’d told me to use my skill, to kill everyone down to the tiniest babe, and, for the first time, I’d refused him.
‘I … didn’t do what he wanted. He had me locked away,’ I say.
I don’t tell Kal the rest of how I was punished for my disobedience for months. I’d deserved it for following Varrik so blindly for so long, for doing all the things he told me to without question just so I could see the flash of pride in his eyes. I don’t tell him how Varrik eventually forced my compliance, either. I’ve buried it too deep to speak about. It’s too awful.
‘We were all happy to be there, happy he’d saved us.’ Kal says with a frown, ‘but it wasn’t the same for you, was it, Lia?’
I shake my head. ‘He killed my da,’ I whisper.
