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“No. Just when I was learning, I’ve never had someone I wanted to do it to besides you.” I watch the smile tug across her face and I could live forever seeing that smile. I lean in and press my lips to hers, and she sighs, resting her head on the pillow.
“I can’t even describe what that felt like,” she adds.
“That’s good. As long as it felt good, that’s all that matters.”
“It was amazing. Thank you, Rylan. But I’m still pissed you drugged me.”
“That was needed. You wouldn’t have willingly let me tie you up and hang you from the ceiling.”
“Probably right. Where are we anyway?” she asks.
“My house. No one knows we’re here,” I tell her.
“You did all this? The candles and everything?” she asks.
“Yeah. I wanted tonight to be special for you.”
“Why?” Now I sigh and prop my head up on my hand.
“Because shit is going to get bad, Syn. Things are going to happen and I don’t think I can stop any of it,” I tell her truthfully.
“Like what?”
“Nothing you need to worry over. I just need you to know I love you, Syn.” Her eyes widen and she acts as if she didn’t already know that. I don’t say it out loud and never have. Not even to my parents, but I know Syn needs to hear it. She needs to know I love her more than she could possibly know.
“I love you too, Rylan.” When she says it back, my heart jackhammers in my chest. Syn is everything I want and need, but she isn’t mine to have. The thought of what she’d have to do just to be with me doesn’t sit well inside me. I wouldn’t want her to do it. I wouldn’t ask her to.
I drop my head back onto the pillow and blow out a breath.
“You’re worried,” she states softly, reaching over to run her fingers along my chest, tracing my tattoos.
“Not for myself.”
“For me?” she asks.
“There are things you don’t know, Syn, and I fucking hate it. I hate not being able to tell you and get it the fuck over with.”
“It’s all part of being a King.”
“Yeah, it is.”
“Would you change it if you could?” she asks.
“Change what?”
“Being a King.”
“No. It’s all I know how to be. I don’t know anything else,” I admit. She sighs, and it feels like she wanted me to answer another way, but I can’t. I can’t change what I am.
“Sometimes, I wish I was someone else. Anyone else outside this world. I wouldn’t care if I were poor and lived on the streets as long as I wasn’t me.” Her words slam into me like a fucking brick wall. She doesn’t want this life anymore? Is that what she’s saying? I can’t ask her either. I don’t want to because I’m afraid of what her answer might be.
“Come here,” I tell her. She scoots as close as she can get and lays her head on my chest. Like this, everything is perfect, but she isn’t mine. And I don’t know if she ever will be.
I listen to her breathe, her body slowly relaxing against mine, and I know she’s asleep. I slide out from under her, careful not to wake her, and grab my phone before walking into the bathroom. Once inside, I dial Silas.
“Yeah?” he asks groggily.
“You get anything out of Angel?” He was supposed to be getting her to talk. Tell us what she knew about what happened to Syn’s arms.
