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“Listen, guys, I don’t trust the house anymore. Later tonight I’m taking Spencer to the penthouse. Riot will get all of you the address.” Pushing up from the stool, I stand and walk toward the staircase. “Let yourselves out, just uh, do a few laps before any of you come to the apartment. Don’t let yourselves be followed.”
Chapter thirty-one
Spencer
Sinking below the surface of the water, I close my eyes and slowly expel tiny bubbles of air, allowing the eerie silence to calm my racing thoughts. Everything is muffled aside from the steady beating of my heart. It’s soothing, offering me clarity and a lingering moment of solitude that envelops me. Everything has been happening so fast. Everything has been so fucked up. I haven’t taken a beat to breathe.
I almost shot Travis tonight.
I could have killed him.
Is my fear of Grant and the Syndicate so far gone at this point that I allowed my brain to warp what I heard, and jumped to conclusions about the only person who puts me first? The person who has been bending over backward to give me my life back?
I exhale slowly releasing a few more air bubbles, but my chest is starting to tighten and restrict. I’ve been holding my breath for too long, and the sweet serenity slowly morphs to pain, but I don’t push myself up. I stay under. Just a little bit longer. I tell myself it’s for the quiet solitude, but deep down I think I’m trying to punish myself. The hurt in his eyes tonight broke something inside of me. The way he looked at me as I held the gun with shaking hands, screaming at him to get away from me.
Something snapped inside of me tonight, and now there’s no turning back. I’ve always tucked the negative emotions away, packaging them into neat little boxes, and putting a smile on my face for everyone around me. I don’t think I can do it anymore. The boxes have all detonated one at a time, and I’m not just hurt anymore, I’m infuriated. I want payback. I want blood. I want my freedom, but more than anything, none of that means a fucking thing if I don’t have Travis by my side.
My chest is strained now and feels like it’s on fire, the lack of oxygen making my brain even more tranquil. It feels like I’m floating and my thoughts begin to dim. Something brushes against my stomach, and violently I’m yanked from the peaceful nothingness. Cool air hits my skin and I breathe in deeply, gasping for air.
“Spencer!”
Coughing and sputtering, the remnants of water I inhaled on the way up are expelled from my lungs.
“Spencer what the fuck?!”
I open my eyes and Travis has one arm wrapped around me, the other moving wet hair from my face, and his normally light brown eyes are so dark, it’s like staring into the abyss.
“I-“ I sputter but my brain is still catching up with the rest of me.
“What the fuck were you doing?”
His voice is frantic, yet commanding. It washes over my aching body in warm waves, and I feel the calm settling over me again, despite the fact that he’s anything but calm.
“You’re all wet,” I breathe, cracking a smile.
“I thought you were fucking dead?” he chokes out.
“I’m sorry,” I whisper shaking my head. “I was just…thinking.”
“Fuck red, next time can you try to, I don’t know, breathe while you’re thinking?”
Searching his eyes, I try to gauge what he’s feeling. Not about this, but about me. Hours ago I was ready to murder him, and now? It’s hitting me like a ton of bricks that I can’t fucking live without him anymore. I couldn’t live if he decided he didn’t want me now.
“I’m sorry Travis, I almost… I could have…” the words won’t come out. I know what I need to say, but it feels ridiculous saying it out loud.
“Stop.”
“I was going to-”
“No you weren’t,” he interrupts. “You might have thought you were going to, but you wouldn’t have done it. You were in shock.”
“Please don’t hate me,” I look up at him and he has the sweetest, saddest look in his eyes.
I did that.
“Never,” he cups my cheek with one hand and rubs his thumb gently across my skin. Leaning forward, he presses his lips to mine, murmuring as he kisses me long and slow, “It’s you and me baby. Always you and me.”
Sinking into his lips, I melt against him. My hardened, murderous man that caves just for me. Only for me.
