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Cole would say the solution is simple, but it’s not. It’s anything but simple. It’s complicated, and no choice that I make is without devastating consequence.
Tears spill over my eyelids, and I’m suddenly acutely aware that I’m shaking and sobbing all at once. Leaning against the cold tile wall, I slide down to the bottom of the shower and sit beneath the stream. I cry. I wail. I let it all out.
Despite the waves of depression I’ve dealt with for years, I used to be fierce. I had a fire inside that couldn’t be tamed. I haven’t been that woman in so long though. I’m a shell of that woman. Pathetic and starved for love. Not only that, but I’m slowly losing the will to fight. What does it matter anymore? What does any of it matter when the only thing I’ve ever wanted in this life is so far out of reach? What does any of it matter when I escaped one hell, only to tumble head first into another.
Clearly the universe has a plan for me and it doesn’t involve happiness.
I don’t know if it’s the depression or if it’s the come down, but my breathing is stifled like someone is sitting on my chest. I’ve heard that coming off of Molly can be a real bitch, especially if you’re not in a good place emotionally, but I’ve never experienced it before now.
All I know is, my insides ache, and for all the joy I felt last night, I’m crumbling beneath a cement block of sorrow right now; the come down ten times more intense than the high ever was. Pressing my eyes closed, I focus on breathing between the sobs.
Molly, sorry sis. Turns out we can’t be friends, you’re a real cunt in the morning.
Chapter twelve
Travis
“Fucking crawl,” the demand falls from my lips as I settle onto the black leather couch, placing the thin paper end of the joint between my lips. Igniting the joint with my lighter, I inhale deeply, holding a breath in my chest before I exhale, letting the smoke unfurl around my head in a haze.
“You can’t be serious,” she puts a hand on her hip and glares at me, shooting daggers with her eyes.
“As a fucking heart attack. And put this on,” I grab the bright red wig from the table beside of me and throw it at her. Catching it against her chest, she scoffs and rolls her eyes.
Jumping to my feet, I cross the living room of my penthouse apartment quickly, and stop when I’m standing toe to toe with her. Looking down on her, already stripped down to nothing but her bra and panties, I take another puff of my joint and blow the smoke directly in her face. She coughs, waving one hand in between us, fanning at the smoke.
I don’t know her name. I don’t fucking care either. This is how it goes. This is how it’s always been for me. Different faces. Different names. Never the same woman more than once. Never in my house. This is the sole reason I hold onto my dad’s penthouse.
I’m not a complete asshole, I make it clear up front that I’m never down for anything more than one night; but, for whatever reason, every single one of them thinks they will be the exception. They won’t. There’s only one exception, and she’s engaged to marry someone else, while I sit back and weigh the pros and cons of skinning him alive, and fucking her in front of him as he bleeds out.
Holding the joint between my lips, I move one hand, running my fingertips up her arm. Goosebumps crawl across her flesh as my fingers travel across her shoulder, and up the back of her neck. Inhaling again, I pull the joint from my mouth with the opposite hand, while I grip her hair with force. A whimper escapes her lips as I exhale in her face once more.
“Put the fucking wig on. Then get on your hands and knees and crawl. Or get the fuck out and quit wasting my time. No one’s forcing you to be here.”
Her throat expands as she gulps and nods. Releasing my grip on her hair, I turn around and walk back to the couch where I take a seat and wait. Sighing loudly she pulls the wig over her head and drops down to her knees.
“That’s a good little bitch. Come on now. Crawl.”
Shaking her head she crawls forward slowly, stopping once she’s between my legs. She looks up at me and I’m filled with hatred and resentment at her fucking brown eyes, and the way they don’t sparkle like emeralds in the moonlight. I don’t want to look into them, so I take another puff of my joint and set it in the ashtray before lifting my ass up to pull my sweatpants and boxer briefs down.
“What the fuck are you waiting for?” I snarl, “Suck.”
She wraps one cold hand around my dick and lowers her head, licking from the base to tip, playing with my piercings before taking me into her mouth. Her head bobs up and down as she sucks in her cheeks, and it’s not a bad blowjob, but my brain is warped and muddied with thoughts of Spencer, and I can feel my cock softening between her lips. Every fucking time since I had her in my bed, this happens.
Pinching the bridge of my nose, I murmur under my breath. This isn’t doing it for me anymore. I feel nothing. Gripping the sides of her face, I pull her mouth off of my cock. She looks up at me from beneath the long, fake eyelashes, and pushes up, attempting to kiss me.
“Get up,” I mutter, turning my head, presenting her with my cheek instead. Who knows where this bitch’s mouth has been.
She scrambles to her feet as I reach over to the end table, grabbing a condom and tearing the wrapper open. Standing up, I roll the condom over my cock and move behind her. Pushing her head down to the cushions of my couch with one hand, I use my opposite hand to shove her thong to the side. Thrusting into her with force, I pump in and out of her quickly. She screams loudly as I slam into her over and over again, moaning like she’s filming porn. It’s fake and I fucking hate the performance. I need to blow my load and get this over with.
“Shut the fuck up,” I growl as I slam into her harder, gripping her hips with so much force I’m probably leaving bruises.
“I’m almost there baby,” she whines.
Don’t really care.
Leaning my head back, I slam into her so hard her ass jiggles against my thighs. Thrusts made for punishment rather than pleasure, because fuck her. Fuck her for not choosing me. Fuck her for thinking her future involves anyone but me. Fuck her for thinking I’d actually let her go.
“I’m coming, I’m coming, oh my god!” she shrieks.
