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“Hmm?” I blink and meet Spencer’s gaze just before she shakes her head and dips behind the bar, coming out onto the floor.
“Gigi, I’m taking 5,” she calls over her shoulder as she stalks over to me and grabs me by my elbow. With every ounce of strength in her tiny frame, she yanks me off the stool so hard I nearly fall over my feet. “You, office. Now.”
Quickly I set the beer down and snag my backpack as she drags me through the crowd back into her office. Shoving me through the doorway, she slams the door shut behind her, and suddenly I feel like I’m about to get my ass chewed out by this pint sized red-headed ball of fire.
“Sit the fuck down.”
“Excuse me?” I blink my eyes and glare at her.
“You fucking heard me. Sit down. Now,” her eyes are full of fire and I know she means business, so like a sulking teenager I flop onto the couch in her office.
She pulls a chair up right in front of me and takes a seat, folding herself over and resting her elbows on her thighs.
“Look Zeke, I have no damn idea what’s going on around here anymore. But from what I understood, you’re supposed to be on a date with Riot and Cole right now. Except you’re not. You’re sitting at my bar, wiping away tears, sulking over a fucking bottle of beer. So you’re gonna tell me what’s going on. Now.”
Sucking in a breath, I turn my head to the side, not even sure where to start. I know damn sure she’s not letting me out of her sight until I give her something.
“I dunno what you want me to say Spencer. I’m just having a drink. I finished the work here, and I was going to go over the software with you.”
“And I call bullshit. I’m not a dumbass, I know how the setup works, it’s the same setup from Afterlife. So try again you stubborn ass.”
“What do you want from me, Spence?” I shrug my shoulders. What? I’m just supposed to dish out my fucking feelings? What the fuck would I want to do that for?
“I want you to talk to me. Because I love you Zeke. And because you look fucking heartbroken whether you want to admit it or not. I swear I warned them both not to make things messy. I will cut someone, I really will if you three can’t get your shit together.”
“I don’t think I’m going. I just want to finish up here, have a drink and go home.”
“No.”
“Did you just tell me no?”
“I sure the hell did,” she nods. “You love him.”
“Pfft,” I lean back into the cushions of the couch, “You don’t know what you’re talking about.”
“Please, you’re talking to someone who spent months pushing away the love of her life out of fear. I know it when I see it, Zeke. So fess up. It’s just me, no one else.”
“So what if I did Spence? What would it even matter? I’ve fucked it up left and right when it comes to Riot. And love? I don’t even know how to do that. Then there’s this shit with Cole which just makes it exponentially more difficult to process. I’m fucking glitching over here ok? And I just want to go home and sleep for, I don’t know, a solid 30 hours or something.”
It hits me that I’m raising my voice at her, and I suddenly feel like shit.
“Okay so let’s start with that then. You don’t need to know how to love, you just do it. Just let him in, it really is that simple Zeke.”
“It’s not.”
“It is. And as far as Cole, what’s complicated? You don’t want him in the equation? Then tell Riot. Tell him how you feel and quit being so damn stupid.”
Leaning forward on my elbows, I run one hand through my hair until it’s standing on end, “That’s the thing Spence, it’s not that I don’t want Cole to be part of the equation. I’d be lying if I didn’t admit that there’s something real between them, and that I dunno, some part of me is curious too? But I’ve fucked up at every turn. So what if…”
“What if what?”
“What if I lose him Spencer? What if I lose him to Cole? What if there’s no room for me in all of this? Even if I figured out how to let myself be all in…”
“Zeke,” she sighs, taking my hands in hers. “I’m telling you this because I love you, ok?”
I nod.
“You’re a goddamn idiot. Riot feels something for Cole though, and Cole feels something for him, yes. But Riot is head over heels in love with you. And Cole? He fucking gawks at you too man. So pull it together. Because there is no one person left out of this equation. You’re just standing in your own damn way.”
