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“Do you want kids?” I asked.
“Interesting question to ask while my cum is dripping out of you.” His dimple popped out, and I smacked his chest.
He slipped from my body, and the rush of fluid made me blush. He rearranged me across his lap and grabbed a blanket I’d not noticed, tossing it around us. We were sticky, but I wasn’t ready to move away from him.
“Seriously, though.” I traced his faded tattoo. “I don’t know if I want them.”
“Okay.”
“I thought mafia leaders were all about the heirs?”
He stiffened underneath me. “Not all of us.”
I looked up at his clenched jaw and stroked it with my hand. He gazed down at me, his harsh expression softening.
“My father was obsessed with heirs. My ma had multiple miscarriages. She told me she had wanted to stop because the pain of the losses was too much, but Connall had to have an heir. Eventually, with the help of some dodgy medication, she got pregnant with triplets.” His anger was palpable. “It was a dangerous pregnancy, and ultimately only one of us survived.”
“You were one of three?”
“Yes, my sister died inside Ma, and they had to get us out pronto. The doctors said I stole all the room and starved the other two out. My brother was small and didn’t make it much past birth. Connall was thrilled to have a murderer straight out of the womb.” Self-loathing coloured his tone.
“It wasn’t your fault.” I cupped his cheek.
“I know that, but to my pa, it was an ultimate sign from the universe that he’d bred a powerful son.” He squeezed me with his good arm. “So, I’ll never pressure you. If we have kids, that’s fine. If not, fine.”
I nodded, not sure what to say. It was too soon to talk about a family. I wanted to finish my degree, and who knew when that would be safe?
“Is that why you call Loch your brother?”
“Loch earned his place as my brother, but my pa pretty much adopted him. He saw him trapping and butchering a fox and decided he had the skills to protect my back. Of course, he thought Loch did that because he loved killing and skinning things, but it was because the fox kept killing the rabbits he liked to shoot with his air rifle.”
“Is that much better?”
“Loch used to shoot the rabbits to feed himself and his mother when his father left them for days without money or food.”
“Oh.”
“Don’t feel sorry for the past. It strengthens us, or it tears us down. We decide.”
I rested my head on his shoulder and stared into the garden, thinking about my past and wondering if it made me stronger.
28
I rifled through the hastily packed boxes, searching for my old comfy socks. The clothes in the wardrobe I made assumptions about when I woke up here were for me. But I liked my slipper socks. Was Bob, my battery-operated boyfriend, here? Mortification rushed through me, imagining Craig rooting through my bedside drawer.
The door opened, and I snapped my head up. Sean walked in, his eyes on me like a laser. Clothed or naked, he watched me like a hawk. The potency of his gaze sent tingles through me, and it hadn’t reduced in strength from the first night. I didn’t think I wanted it to.
“What are you doing?” he asked.
“Just looking for my socks. You know I ought to be pissed off at you moving all my stuff without my permission, but I can’t be sorry it got saved from the fire.”
The entire block of shops had gone up. Miraculously, no one was injured, but it scared me to imagine what would have happened if I’d been there.
“That kind of dilemma must be tough.” Sean smirked, his damn dimple popping out.
“Did you…” I trailed off, unsure how to ask.
I didn’t want someone to lose an eye to Sean’s jealousy.
