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What if my past is not something I want to remember?
What if it is something dangerous, something tragic, something so dark it is better to leave it alone?
What if it changes the way Jackson sees me?
“Dove?” The hint of concern in Jackson’s voice has me lifting my eyes. “What’s wrong?”
I force a smile, not wanting him to worry when we are already in such a precarious situation. “Nothing.”
He scans my face, and I can tell he doesn’t believe me, but he also doesn’t call me out on it before he addresses his brothers, ending the discussion about us. “I’m going to talk to Ayden before he changes his mind.”
As Jackson pulls me toward the door, Cade speaks. “He wants to talk only to you, Jacks.”
“I’m not leaving Dove,” he snaps.
“Wait—why can’t we be there too?” Halle demands. “I’m not staying behind while Jackson gets to interrogate the only person who might know what they’re doing to my mom.”
“Jackson’ll handle this,” Cade tells her.
I watch as Halle folds her arms over her chest. “You’re going to need our magic to interrogate him. Brute force might be your specialty, but we can make it hurt in ways you can’t even fathom.”
Sawyer’s lips work into a smirk. “Never been so glad to have you on our side, because what you just said made my skin tingle all over—and not in a good way.”
“No one is torturing that kid,” Jackson says. “No magic, no brute force. I’m just going to talk to him.”
“I don't want to torture him either,” Halle argues, “but I want my mom safe.”
“Halle,” Cade says her name softly as he pulls her against him.
Jackson slips his hand into mine, ignoring Halle’s complaints about me tagging along. I stumble behind Jackson, struggling to keep up with his pace. My body is hurting and I feel weak, so when we reach the bottom of the porch steps, I place my foot awkwardly. I can’t stop the cry that tears out of my throat as we both go to our knees.
Jackson is on me in a second, his worried face inches from mine, remorse and regret shining in his eyes. “Shit. I’m sorry. Are you okay?”
I wince, pressing my hand against my sore ribs. “I understand your frustration and even your anger, but you need to take a breath, Jackson. This is going to eat you from the inside out if you allow it to.”
He closes his eyes for a second, kneeling in the dirt in front of me as if he is begging for forgiveness. “I don’t know what to do. They’re saying it’s not possible for us to be together, Dove, and that will never sit right with me. I don’t know how to calm the anger I feel for what they have done to us. How to move past it. You had to kill yourself to undo the damage they caused. What if I hadn’t been able to bring you back? What if I lost you in that lake? So yeah, this is eating away at me.”
His eyes flash red, his wolf manifesting for a moment in his irises. I wish I could take his pain, the anger, everything he’s feeling, but I can’t because my own heart is breaking. When I was lost, Jackson was the only thing that kept me grounded.
I press my head against his chest, my hands resting on his sides. “We don’t need a bond to be together. I want you.”
For normal people, this is true, but he is vargr and I am half-wolf. Our destinies are entwined with the magic that flows within us. Loving each other isn’t enough to supersede the bonds that exist between our kind.
What a cruel twist of fate it is that the all-consuming love we experience can also destroy us so completely.
If he finds his mate, his real mate…
I shake my head against his chest, gripping his hips tighter, like I’m afraid to let go.
His hands come to my shoulders, gently pushing me back. He wants to see my eyes, but I can’t bring myself to lift my head. I can’t see the pain shining in his. I don’t think I could bear it.
He doesn’t give me a choice, though. His hand grips my chin, forcing my head up. Heat burns through me as I stare at him. Every beat of my heart is for him, and I don’t care that some stupid magic trick says we’re not meant to be together.
I feel as if I have already walked a hundred lifetimes with him.
I get lost in his eyes, my heart thudding like a steel drum at the depth of emotion I see swimming in them. “No, we don’t. I don’t care about bonds or fucking biology. You’re mine, and you’re always going to be mine.”
It’s an empty promise, because we both know that may change the moment our relationship is tested by forces outside of our control. But for the moment, I don’t argue. I take his words and hold on tight to them, letting their warmth cut through the grief I feel. It would probably have been kinder if I had died in that lake. Jackson would have a chance at happiness without the burden of a love that won’t work long-term without an alpha to bond us.
